The Day Book entry a Day Late

I think that simple things are in order today. I can only vent so much before my blood pressure feels it.   Unfortunately this took me more than a day to do so

FOR YESTERDAY
December 28, 2009
Outside my window...  I see piles of snow which are as hard as rock or they would have melted with all the rain we have had
I am thinking... as little as possible
I am thankful for... my husband and his family.  They are all such great people (mostly) and are always there when we need them.
From the kitchen... I see a cluster of plastic containers waiting to be put away.  We have so little space here that they have to be nested and cuddled up in just the right way or when the cabinet door opens they fall out on your head and scare the bejeepers out of you.  It is a chore to do it correctly and so, they tend to sit and wait for my patience to accrue before they go back to their allotted spaces.
I am wearing... a pair of black slacks that look good from a distance but I fear they are a tad too snug if checked out carefully.  I also have a baby green long sleeved tee on with a black and green and pink scarf.  I'm hoping the scarf will keep everyone looking above the waist and not notice the snug trousers.
I am creating... a white cable knit cardigan.  We called them Hong Kong sweaters back in the day and I have scoured the earth to find this pattern only to discover it was in a magazine rack here in my own house.  Guess when that magazine rack was last sorted through.  No don't, I can't tell you if you are right because I don't remember.
I am going...to Westport to visit my very dear friend and bring Christmas presents as well as her birthday gift.  I will take her to lunch and hope the too snug pants hold up until I get home. 
I am reading... A Long Shadow by Charles Todd.  It's a Victorian mystery and the main character is Inspector Rutledge who has returned from the trenches of France following WWI.  It's quite engaging and the third of the series I have read so far.  I recommend it highly.
I am hoping... that I will rein in my appetite and lose the couple of pounds that have moved in following the holiday.
I am hearing... my refrigerator running and that's a good thing. 
Around the house... clutter from Christmas abounds but it's a happy clutter and so I will sit back and admire it.
One of my favorite things... is to sit and knit and watch Midsomer Murder DVD's.  Talk about relaxing.  Can't beat it
A few plans for the rest of the week: Husband is off to the dentist on Tuesday and since his teeth are being renovated, the rest of the week will involve dealing with soft foods and possible trips back to the dentist for adjustments.  Have to clear the week to do what may need doing dentist wise.

Here's a picture for thought I am sharing.

I have used the above format found at  http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/ .  Go forth and do the same if you wish.  It really is a nice spot

Power Rangers

The top of my head wants to explode when I read the manipulative junk I just read about this rotten to the core health care bill. Yes! Now you know how I feel about it and the Congress and this administration and this President. They are manipulative nasty creatures putting something horrible into our lives while telling us it's so good for us.

This story I just read helps those manipulators out in so many ways and I'm sure we will see more and more of this as the bill crushes along in the regulatory process. The story was telling us that so many lives are lost or ruined because the patient delays the treatment. The co-pay is too high or COBRA was not established following a job loss because the payment was too high or not offered because of the circumstances of the job loss. Delay causes early death or life changing harm.

Helloooooo! What happens when Medicare is altered to include a gazillion more members and there are not enough doctors to treat all of these newbies? Yup. Delayed treatment. What happens when the money is cut from Medicare to treat things that used to be on the treat list? Yes. This is a fact. Billions of dollars are being cut from Medicare and yet millions of people might be added. How is this possible without patients suffering delays or denials in treatment?

I have known addicts in my time and they will lie cheat and steal to get their fix of whatever it is that they are addicted to and there is never enough of that stuff. The addict keeps needing their fix and they keep needing more and more of it. Well, this health bill is all about the power that will result once it is passed and these politicians are addicted to the power. Every. Single. One. of. them. Every one from the President on down to the little clerk at the Registry of Motor Vehicles is addicted to the power that they have and there is never enough of that. They need more every minute and they will lie and cheat and steal to get it.

The health bill is about the power. The health bill is not about our health. It surely is not about our economic health since it will bankrupt us and the system once it hits in all it's glory. It for sure is not about our physical health since every one of the country's with similar health systems can vouch for long waiting periods for appointments and denial of services that we take for granted now. Why else do we have so many Canadian citizens arriving here for treatment and why did Castro have to leave the country held high by Michael Moore when he needed treatment?

The power addicts also known as "public servants", now there's a joke, are in need of more and more. If you think it's tough to wend your way through the insurance claim process that exists now, or to fight a denial of service, you ain't seen nothin' yet as they say. Patterned after the Registry of Motor Vehicles or the Post Office, our new Health Commissars will set up a dream world for the power crazed. Can't wait.

Oh, and by the way, get ready for this one. I'm sure that "it's for the children" that we must do this. That always works when all else fails doesn't it?

A Very Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good nap. Whew! We had the crowd in last night and what a mad flurry of activity. Food, food and more food and good food and good moods and for the first ever Christmas Eve we had not one emotional break down. It was just wonderful, festive and grateful family members enjoying each other.

Our four nieces are the sweetest and best. I sat back and watched the table as everyone ate and talked and laughed and I realized that I have known these girls for all of their lives and for just about every big holiday we have been together here in our home or maybe our other home. My husband said this morning that he was so gratified to hear the girls reminisce about holidays past and remembering the special things that we have done for them. You would think that they were old ladies reliving the good old days instead of young things in their early twenties. It was heartwarming though to see that we are their memories.

Remember that I only have a niece and nephew left from my family...I often feel truly orphaned. My nephew is always with us since his Dad passed away but my niece lives some distance from us and although we keep in touch we don't visit often. Last evening was a joy. Hope you all had a similar Eve.

God bless us Everyone.

How I Came to Lose Trust in the Media

Anne Applebaum in Slate Magazine writes this:

"There is no nihilism like the nihilism of a 9-year-old. "Why should I bother?" one of them recently asked me when he was presented with the usual arguments in favor of doing homework. "By the time I'm grown up, the polar ice caps will have melted and everyone will have drowned."

Which prompts me to relate this tale from the dark halls of history.

When I was a Sophomore in college I had the most intense crush on Andy Williams. Yes. You have it right. Andy Williams.

He had a weekly show back then and I could never, NEVER miss it. We only had one TV in the dorm and it was in the community room called the smoker where couches and ashtrays also were present. On the week night of Andy's show, I would arrive with whatever I was trying to study and a pack of cigarettes (yes, I smoked and who didn't?), turn on the channel and await his opening number. Most of the other occupants would groan and complain and often, I was the only one left in the room to worship at Andy's pedestal. So now, you have the picture.

The night of the Cuban Missile Crisis Andy Williams was on. Every student was lined up to call home. We only had pay phones in the center of the hall on each floor of the dorm. I saw the length of the line and realized it would be long after Andy's show before I got to call the parents and say goodbye which was what everyone was doing. We also had an exam the next day in some course or other and I should have been buckled down with the text and notes to ensure a good grade. I thought it over and said..."I am watching Andy Williams and then waiting in line and then going to bed. I'd rather be asleep and unaware when the big one hits. As for the test? Why bother with that? The world is ending tonight."

It didn't. I am almost ashamed to say that I was very disappointed that next day. I believed the hype and never studied for that test. I think was the beginning of the cynicism I have developed for the press and politicians. I should never have believed them then and I don't now.

The end of my story. I am glad, however, that I watched Andy Williams. I still have a soft spot in my heart for him.

Can I have an Opinion Now?

Oh. By the way. If it's all right to criticize Tiger Woods' behaviour and not be accused of racism, is it ok now to criticize Barack Obama's leadership methods, or economic theories, or strange need to apologize to every country in the world for my country without being called a racist? Is it?

Wild and Wet and Windy

Wild and windy outside my windows. The puppy girl and I just returned from her morning constitutional and let me tell you, the umbrella? when it blows inside out is quite a jolt to the pup. She picked up the pace each time and it happened way more than once. The wind is so wild and weird. It sounded like a car coming up behind us and as I turned to be sure, the umbrella would go again. I was never comfortable, when I heard that sound, that there wasn't a car coming up on us and so, over and over I repeated the move like some obsessives do. I think I have a tad of that going on.

Well. We got home safe and sound if not wet and cold. I wish that I had taken my camera so that I could have pictures of that HUGE ocean. It is all puffed up and chopping away. Glad to be on land.

Stay dry and warm where ever you are. I'm thankful it's rain and not snow or we would be dealing with this again. Brrrrrrrr - that Global Warming is killing us!

Hold on and Pray

What a week and it's only Wednesday. The brother of one of my very dear friends died unexpectedly over the week end. It was a terrible shock for her most certainly and for the rest of us as well. Another dear friend is having gargantuan financial woes and is trying to sell a building to undo some of that. There is a person in her life doing everything he can to make this effort as difficult as he can and he is trying his best to be sure that she will be even further in debt after the sale than she is now. It's a long and nasty tale and they never had a relationship other that business, imagine how bad it would be otherwise.

I feel so helpless. I have talked with both ladies and really have nothing to offer but a sympathetic ear and a shoulder to cry on. There is nothing I can say to make any of this better. In both cases I can truly empathize since I have suffered both the loss of siblings and panic inducing financial issues. It really doesn't help though in the advice area....I have none other than hold on and pray for strength.

I hope the rest of the week smooths out. Tomorrow I go to the cardiologist for the results of that stress test I took two weeks ago. A sense of dread is hovering over me thanks to the week so far. I guess I'll take my own advice. I'll hold on and pray for strength regardless of the outcome. God is on His throne after all and He will work everything for good for those who love Him and I do.

The Day After

Well, the refrigerator is filled with leftovers and I am here waiting for the downpour to abate so that I can walk the dog without drowning. She may have to cross her legs for a while. It appears that we will have rain all morning and it is pounding down driving rain. It's very hard to hold her and the umbrella and the pooper scooper.

I learned this about the Thanksgiving feast. It takes as much work to cook and clean up for three as it did in past years for twelve. The big difference is the kitchen is not at all crowded and the table did not get moved into the living room with a card table extension.

My nephew is with us. He is, as he says, "high functioning" but cannot live alone. He is in a house with two other men and a wonderful staff that feels like family. I have him with me for every holiday and some weekends in between. I asked hime what his favorite part of Thanksgiving was expecting him to say turkey or pumpkin pie which I know are his favorite things on the table. He said, "Being with family." I cried.

I am so thankful for him and my husband and all the others in my extended family. Everyone this year on Thanksgiving Day were healthy and safe. I only wish we could have all been together but some years that's the way it is.

Christmas Cookies

Just in time for the Holidays....a cookie recipe spotted at the Anchoress and copied from some place I googled. It made me chuckle first thing this morning and reminded me that we don't chuckle enough.

Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies Notes
THIS RECIPE IS STRICTLY FOR COOKS OVER THE AGE OF TWENTY-ONE AND UNDER FORTY. DO NOT MAKE THIS WITH YOUR GRANDMOTHER.

Ingredients
1 cup water
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila
Serves / Yields
One

Preparation Instructions
Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl; check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer...Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK; try another cup ...just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit, Pick the frigging fruit off floor... Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz a sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

CHERRY MISTMAS!

A Revelation

My Dad loved Fred Allen. For anyone who might not know, and there are more and more of you every minute, he was a radio star. Imagine that! There were people waaaaay back then who became famous from being on the radio and they were not talk show hosts. Fred Allen was a comic and when my Dad listened to him I was a very tiny tot. Fred Allen wound up on TV and he was old and tired looking and I remember my Dad laughing and I just didn't get it. Now, I have this obsession with looking up quotes and I came across these and they are all Fred Allen originals:

The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.

And that is just the beginning....it seems that comedy, like oysters, is an acquired taste.

Roots

Well here is is, Sunday. Another week begins. One of my goals is to establish myself with a church and become a regular Sunday church goer. I know that sounds so superficial but it is a host of things to me.

Because of the kind of gypsy wandering I have done in the past I have hesitated to join anything. I could never count on my schedule allowing a constant time and place to plan anything. When young we traveled to Florida for the month of December which pulled us out of all the school pageants and church events. Then, in the summer we packed up to Cape Cod the day after school let out and returned the day after Labor Day. We missed all the school's out things that kids do at home but loved our summers away. We met lots of kids a week or two at a time since most of the population were "renters". That brought a lot of pen palling into my life if a bond was made during that week or two.

College was great for forming friendships and since most of my friends were from out of state we rarely connected during breaks or summers. That didn't seem odd to me due to my past experience. I kept in touch as always but now the phone played a bigger role.

At the work phase of my life I had a job that involved travel. Sometimes out of state always in different offices. My relationships were wide spread. I was a trainer and the people I connected with were in my charge for a few weeks at the most and then I moved on. No roots.

I tried to go to grad school during this time since the company would pay but when during the year I would be all over the Northeast or further I couldn't fit a regular schedule of two or three nights a week at a specific location into my life. Tried twice and had to withdraw each time due to work duties.

The time of my life prior to the Florida transition was lovely. All winter we were in one place and Sunday meant Sunday School followed by Sunday dinner and family. I remember the Christmas Fair in the church and the bake sales and the childrens' choir. It was a good solid feeling. I want that again and now, with retirement and finally free of the snarl of the family business and real estate I am close to being in one place for a stretch of time. So begins my search for the church.

I have a little more unsnarling to do. Our house of many years must be sold and today we have a couple of volunteers with strong backs and a trailer. We will head on up and move some of the huge amount out of that house and into storage. Today will not be a search for church day but hopefully most Sundays from now on will be.

Update

Why do I not go to the dentist more frequently? He is a wonderful man and took care of me with great kindness and never a blink of judgement over my very poor attendance in his office. I did lose that tooth but I have a partial bridge and a tooth will be added to it. Just time and money at this point. The pain and angst are over. Well almost over. The anxiety is gone and the pain will recede. Whew. I am very glad today is gone.

Kiss Today Good-Bye

That stress test is over and now the stress is waiting for the results. I was told that I would hear right away if there is a major concern and here it is beyond the right away border and no word so the concern is down graded to less than major. I am still anxious though.

On top of that anxiety is my mortal fear of the dentist. Because of that fear, I ignored a filling loss for some time since there was no pain. When the tooth cracked I knew I had to get moving but coasted a bit more until I woke up with a swollen face. Not terribly swollen, at least with my fat face it was hard to see but I could feel it so the husband called for me, yes, I am that chicken. I got a round of antibiotics and today I am off to the dentist and I have to summon all of the courage I can to get through this.

I will get through this, I always do. When am I going to be rid of this nasty sinking stomach and jaw clenching freaked out dread? If my mother were here I would be letting her know it's all because of those early years at Dr. Holmes office. No Novocaine, no gas, no high speed drill, just him going at it and telling you to stop being such a baby. He had crooked teeth by the way. But, as my mother would say, he was in walking distance and having no car, that was the first priority for any medical issue. Can't say she didn't take care of us. We were dragged kicking and screaming twice a year to that torturer. It was never just one appointment either. There were always cavities and cavities and then if no cavities the fillings put in when ever had to be replaced.

OK. Enough! That is not the case with this dentist I am seeing today. He is gentle and kind and always uses Novocaine and that still doesn't matter. I am freaking panicky.

In times like these, I can't wait for tomorrow since this will all be over with then.

Stressed Out

I am out of thoughts and words and energy. Thank goodness that today is a picture perfect fall day. The sun is coming out, there are still a few, colorful leaves on the trees but most are bare. The walk to the beach with the pooch is delightful. She loves to walk through the piles of oak leaves the wind has arranged and the sound is such a childhood memory. My Dad would rake the leaves into piles and we would run and jump in them. I don't recall that he ever became angry, maybe he was raking the piles so that we could have that fun. Nice thought. I'll keep it.

Tomorrow I have to go for a nuclear stress test. Sounds ominous doesn't it? Well, it is just a checkup since I had a bypass, a triple, some years ago. I haven't had any symptoms but it has been a while and the new cardiologist I'm seeing wants to check things out a bit. I have to admit I am nervous. I keep going back to the last round of tests that led to the surgery and it gets me very anxious. Not a good thing probably. To have this stress in advance of the stress test. On top of the stress I can have no caffeine products so the morning coffee is not in my radar. I am maybe more stressed due to that.

On top of that, the Patriots blew it. Sad Sunday!

I Am Healed

Hallelujah Hannah! Don't tell me this blog your emotions doesn't work. Shortly after that last upheaval of poor me-itis I filed all the business papers and moved the cartons out of the living room so now, I have, a living room. I pulled all the knick knacks off of the window ledges, removed the curtains, washed them and the windows and the do dads and the walls and the floors and the corners and the baseboards and the lamp over the dining table got lemon oiled and shined up. I am a new woman. I have a broken back. I am taking motrin in abundance and I reek of ben gay but.....I have conquered my lethargy. Thank You Blog!!!

A True Confession

Where have I been? Can't believe that the last time I wrote anything was back in October. Well let me see. I have been doing the usual house keeping things like laundry, shopping for food, going to the library, searching the internet for lose weight in a hurry miracle plans, talking on the phone, driving the hubster to physical therapy, walking the moose of a dog, and reading a bit. Not much heavy lifting there. Notice the absence of vacuuming, dusting and sorting out the cartons of things that surround me daily.

I tell myself that I am recharging my very drained batteries. I am coming off ten years or so of total screeching stress. Running a family business following the deaths of parents within six months of each other, 2 years later the death of my oldest brother and 2 years later the loss of my remaining older brother. Then the economic downturn made the business like a roller coaster ride at 6 Flags along with a sister-in-law suing me for any possible thing she could make up and boy did she make up a lot of stuff. Three years or so later, the suit was put aside, the business sold and now I wait for the relaxing to occur. I pine for the day when the phone rings and I don't get a jolt. I want to go to the mailbox without dread fearing a letter from some new attorney or the government.

I know I have that Post Traumatic Stress thing. I am hunkering down and awaiting it's exit. Hunkering means no meaningful accomplishments, just walk in place and hope that the clutter is somehow viewed as quaint and charming. The true confession is that the clutter is not adding to the relaxed atmosphere I am longing for and my inclination is to walk away from it rather than deal. I want to rent a charming condo somewhere for the winter and gaze at totally empty rooms. Like that will ever happen.

Kinda Funny

And now, just for a chuckle:


A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig.
The poor little guy starts crying.

'Come on man. I was just giving you a hard time,' the biker says. 'I didn't think you'd CRY.' 'I can't stand to see a man crying.'
'This is the worst day of my life,' says the little guy between sobs.
'I can't do anything right.' 'I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my
boss fired me. When I
went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit me. So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the damn poison.'

Bone Idle

We are moving forward and healing. Not much action but that's ok. It's been cold for a few days. The pellet stove ran non-stop at night. We woke to frost and the news reported 27 degrees at sunrise. Thanks be to Global Warming or we would have been frozen solid in our sleep.

Today is a beautiful Fall day. The sun is blazing and the sky is BLUE! yes, it screams blue. We are driving to our other house, the one I want to clean out and sell, the one that is always on my mind, the one that overwhelms me with stuff to move and throw out and give away. When will I dig in and make it happen? I just sit and stare when I should be moving. Now, of course, I have my husband's recovery from surgery to ease my guilt of idleness. He's making great progress and I am developing anxiety over what I can blame next for not doing things on my to do list.

I just want to be rooted. Sooner or later I will be planted but I would like a spell of contentedness before that. I keep reading the Bible. Paul says that we should be content whatever our circumstances. Faith in the Lord will bring that peace. It seems to elude me. I must try harder or just give it up and let God do it for me. Trouble is, I have to try to give it up and there I am again.

Oh, bother. I will go shower and get on with my day of errands. It is a beautiful day and I must hold on to that.

Every Day In Every Way

Do you remember that phrase from years ago? We used to say it in kindergarten. I suppose that kindergarten doesn't even exist any more. Today this phrase would be called a positive affirmation to increase the childrens' self worth. Every day in every way I'm getting better and better.

He is doing that by the way. Still plodding along the road to recovery. We went for a walk day before yesterday, all the way to the beach and back. It really was a hike for a man who is walking like Tim Conway did when he played that old man part. Shuffle is more the word. Yesterday we recovered from the walk. He said he had more aches and pains than he knew he could have. Today? A little better. Tomorrow? We check in with the surgeon and he gets the staples out and all his questions answered. Or, perhaps I should say, all my questions answered. At least we haven't killed each other yet. In his case it's only because he can't move that fast so I can get away. Me? I am a saint and saints don't kill their patients. Do they?

And We Settle In

Well, we both lived through the first day and evening home. He sneezed once and that was unexpected and with a stomach incision it was most jarring and painful. The rest of the evening went quietly. Cooked a chicken, my brother-in-law arrived with a couple of requested items just as the chicken was done so the three of us sat down to a very welcome meal. My husband savored every morsel. He is on a low fiber diet and it flies in the face of the low carb diet we have been trying to follow. I guess the smaller quantities of that low fiber stuff will avoid weight gain. Maybe?

Coming Home

He's coming home today. Oh Lord! Now I really have to get to the rest of the house cleaning. I have been using the old, "Got no time, have to get to the hospital." and now that one's gone. I guess now I can say, "He's napping and I can't disturb him." or something of that sort. Gotta rush now and buy ear plugs so I can't hear the, "Honey, I just need one more thing....", 75 times. I think 10 or 20 is sufficient.

Good News - Not in the Press However

It's over and he is just fine. Prayers are still requested as the healing begins and we wait for the biopsy results. The surgeon feels confident that the news will be good but as he says, you never know with 100% knowledge until the report is returned. The surgery went really well and although the incision is larger than was anticipated it is still not a full incision. Now we wait for the bowels to wake up and hope all works properly and home he will come. Then the prayers will be for me to have strength and patience to deal with a man dealing with healing. Remind me of how much I want that right now.

Thanks again. I will be reporting in on progress here. Have to get ready to head to the hospital.

Prayer Request

My husband is going in for surgery today..thus the early posting. All prayers are most welcome.

Down is Up

Once I see a theme in the news, I just keep seeing it. Roman Polanski, anyone? Word is that raping a 13 year old who is under the influence of the drugs you have given her is only a crime if no one knows who you are. Oh. Also. If the victim says, 30 odd years later, "I'm okay and wish it would go away/" As long as you are a well know artiste, crowds of similar known people will scream for justice. Justice in this case is to let it go.

One more thing. The leader of the pro justice for Polanski is Woody Allen. Well, we know who HE is and by golly lead on Woody.

This subject makes me want to take a shower. As the character in the Wizard of Oz said, and I guess she would now be the heroine of the piece, victimized by a teen whose hormonal rage was evident throughout the film, "What a world, what a world."

Have Mercy

Reading headlines again....Dennis Kucinich evidently is in a minor flap. Note the word minor. Since he is a Congressman all flaps will be deemed minor until forever. The flap concerns a letter he wrote to a judge to essentially intervene in a case. He sent the letter through a District Attorney I believe. The letter is a violation of a set of rules written by the House to prevent this sort of intervention from occurring. The Congressman states that the rules must be made clearer since he operated in the spirit of the rules as he interprets them. His legislative body writes the rules, he claims he follows the rules and then he states the rules are not clear and must be rewritten. By whom? Well of course by him.

I guess this only works when people know who you are, right?

Do You Know Who I Am?

Just a quickie. Reading the headlines only and I am struck by these two - paraphrasing here, Michael Jackson died heavily in debt, this was followed by, Michael Jackson's estate will pay his mother and children $1 million a year for living expenses. How can that be? Where will the money come from? Will that million be paid out before the debts are paid? Didn't think that could happen. I don't live in that world I guess. You know. The world where the law and rules are tossed aside. I'm in that world where when you say, "Do you know who I am?", the answer is a resounding, "NOBODY".

I remember a long time ago I was late filing my taxes. Not too late but late. I owed about a thousand dollars. I was fined more than I owed. My name was not Geithner or Rangel. I was just me. I know that my father died and his meager estate had to pay all debts before any distribution could be made. The taxes on that estate by the way, onerous and burdensome, had to be paid first and then the rest of the bills. His name was not Michael Jackson or Ted Kennedy.

I figure that we, the little nobodies of the world, we work and earn and are taxed and fined and triple fined so that they, the bigshots everyone knows, can grab and cheat and let slide and live large and ride the big ride. I guess that's the world as it's been from the beginning of time. I find it amusing that those bigshots want to redistribute the wealth. Not theirs of course. I figure they want to find a way to get even more of what little they have left us and redistribute it to themselves. Oh Yeah. I know who they are.

AAA Roundup

I said there would be pictures and such but all pictures are on the husband's computer to which, he says, I have access but I try and try and no luck. We had such a wonderful time. His ex family and children are so swell! I know. My mother would be saying, "You just don't think before you jump and you don't know who these people are and." Blah Blah Blah.......maybe so. But they are all so nice and we had such a great time and his daughter is what anyone would want a daughter to be and his son, (ok, he has some troubles but) he is such a good kid, (the operative word is KID), that it is hard to go wherever there is.

Later and there will be a later, there will be pictures of the landscape at least. We went fishing and caught HUGE fish and got great tans.

What fun..

And, by the way, Gulfport was pretty much devastated thanks to Katrina. Anyone hear of that? Yeah. I thought you didn't. Also by the way. Every one we talked to there...and we talked to a lot of non-family people... Every one had nothing but good words for GW and FEMA....imagine that? Hmmmmmm.....wonder why there is such nasty talk about both when Katrina is discussed. Also....New Orleans damage was due to the broken levees...after the storm passed. They weren't hit by K like the areas to the East. This country is being so manipulated.

On the Road

Tomorrow the husband and I hit the road for a long overdue reunion with his children. I think I have blabbed this earlier but he was married very long ago when he and his bride were barely out of high school. Two children very quickly and he was in the service and away for long stretches. It didn't work. The split was not friendly and he has not seen or heard from or contacted the children in well over 30 years. Yikes.

They have made contact obviously and he and his daughter talk very frequently. He and his son are not quite so connected but friendly and circling, you know how that is. We are going to them and will spend 10 days getting to know them and them us. Pray for peace and gentleness. Patience will be a good thing too. Somehow, after all this time, my husband thinks it should all be fine. He has trouble with the slowness of his son's connecting. I keep saying "Baby steps", I love that movie..What about Bob?

Pictures and stuff along the way since I am bringing the computer. Now I must pack.

Letter to Obama

Dear President Obama,

Could you please put down that Saul Alinsky playbook and read something about how to be a President?

Thank You,

Gemma

To My Dad

To my Dad -- his birthday was August 28th, he would have been 97, instead, he's been gone for 10 years. I miss him every minute of every day but not as much as years go by. Not as much is nuts. The pain is less but the loss is the same. Yes. Mother. I miss you too. But now is the worst time for me. It's the end of summer and you are all gone. I am alone here, in the place where summer was forever. I remember after my mother died, I was here with my dad and it was the first time since I was 20 that I had been here for more than a week end. My dad was so done in with the loss of my mother. I wrote;

I see him there now
standing in the bathroom,
Curtain in his hand
Looking out the window,
forehead leaning on the pane.
Oh. The Pain!

The journey is so difficult,
the traveling companions few.

The way is strewn with obstacles,
we often go forward rather than around.

We forget we can't climb up and over
anymore or maybe we can't see it till we get there.
Our eyes aren't what they used to be either.

But once we see that hurdle, we
sap the little strength we have proving
We can still move on the way we choose.

How can it be otherwise? If it were
it would mean we must retrace our steps..

Go back and correct the mistake?
Oh! No!

Who is there to see us do so?
The way is set and there is no turning back.

Who Made That Rule??

Who Could that Have Been?

He must not know the Father I know
Who welcomes you as you return from that journey
unwisely planned and foolishly attempted.

Not admitting an error
Not turning back to correct.


I Love You Dad and You Too Mom!!

Sometimes a Joke is a Joke

I always hate when people say vague things about something in their lives that is having deep and lasting influences on them. They hint at dark secrets coming to life or events from the past, which may or may not have been hidden, rising to the top to overwhelm everyday happenings. I hate that. I am living that. Why does God always put us into situations we have always hated and we have to change? Why? Is this some kind of joke?

Now you have to admit. You must hate this too. You do. I can say no more. I can offer the following words and say "Now this? This is a joke."


A man walked into a bar and sat down, and ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a soothing voice say "nice tie!" Looking around, he noticed that the bar was empty except for himself and the bartender at the end of the bar. A few sips later the voice said "beautiful shirt".
At this, the man called the bartender over. "Hey...I must be losing my mind," he told the bartender. "I keep hearing these voices saying nice things, and there's not a soul in here but us."
"It's the peanuts," answered the bartender.
"Say what?"
"You heard me," said the barkeep. "It's the peanuts ... they're complimentary."

God is on His Throne

When all the nonsense in the news drives me beyond distraction I have to think, "God is on His throne and in the scheme of things the big O and his gang are not even specks of dust. All will be well."

Some Heavy Lifting

Well, time goes by and brings with it more and more stuff. Last week was a blur of heat and haze and lots of places to be and heavy lifting to do. Thursday and Friday were crazy. We sold a building, the last piece of the family business to go and I am so grateful that it's gone. The basement of the building was filled with the previous five years of old stuff never getting out to the dumpster or shredder. The end of this month all must be out and so, off to the city in the heat and humidity and down to the cellar I go to open boxes and sort out and supervise a removal company as they moved all this stuff to where ever they move it to. I can assure you that on Friday evening I slept like a rock.

This week we return to remove and store all the cartons of company records that must be maintained for the next 7 years or however long they must be maintained. Once that is done - - it is done. Oh. By the way? Yes. It is hot and humid and hazy this week too.

Buh bye for the moment. Here's where I will be wishing I were.

Thank You God

Well, we have recovered from the colonoscopy and the news that a polyp could not be removed and had to be BIOPSIED! Man oh man, start the music. We went through two days of yikes to - thank You Lord - good news. Nothing but a polyp too large to remain so surgery will be scheduled. We are in a heap of relief and gratitude. God is good as we knew He would be no matter the news. He would bring us through but I am so relieved and grateful beyond words that He decided we would take this road instead of that one. And now we are just moving slow through the hazy hot and humid August days we are experiencing.

We appreciate this weather because we remember this



and so we thank God for summer while it's here.

Another Day Another Colonoscopy

Off we go to another colonoscopy. Three days of clear liquids and my poor husband is unable to think straight. Everything he looks at resembles food. As for me? I have been sneaking bits of whatever doesn't have a food like aroma so I have about had it with lettuce and tomato. Hopefully this time the coast will be clear and all will be viewed. Meanwhile I think we could all use a laugh and I found this somewhere and it amused me. Enjoy

A Day at Swan Lake

So it's a pond, not a lake. They're certainly swans and we had such a wonderful visit. My Father-in-law lives in the house the family always summered in and yesterday the whole gang got together for a cook out. It was terrific. Of course, I am always staggered when one of the nieces shouts out her age. I think they're all still 12. How did all this time fly by? Rather than think about that I will turn my attention to the swans and their habitat. How serene and lovely.

A Lovely Cool Place

Here she is, my girl has found the source of cooler air. Now that she has found relief the weather is changing and who needs it anymore? That large dark object her nose is almost touching is a very large fan. I'm surprised her ears weren't blown back since it is quite a wonderful air moving machine, although I must say, the air doesn't go very far with her in front of it as she has been. The humidity seems to be lifting a bit. Sssshh! Don't speak too soon.

Spa Days

Everything around here is so damp and the humidity won't quit. Nothing is drying out including me...I guess it's like a day or more at the spa with the steam facials. No extra charge. The husband has ordered a de-humidifier for the basement. We used to have one that finally gave up the ghost as they say. Things are truly so damp that mildew is imminent. It's like living on a ship at sea I think, not that I ever did but I can imagine. Off for my walk for which I need two towels upon my return. Later!

Thought for the Day

When all else fails - or when what you want to say is too abrasive and you need to think about it and tone it down a bit - reach for the email. Here's a good one.


Inner Peace

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment ,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

...Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!

Just the Two of Us

This is a picture of me at home for the evening with the husband. I don't know how this person captured us so perfectly but ....

A bit of info

Look at how the time has flown. Where have I been for all these days? Here and there and nowhere. This weekend is a mad whirl. I am off to stay with my cousin and have a girls' night which means she will drink wine and I will drive and we will get a pizza. I would drink wine too but I am driving. We will come back to her house where we will eat the pizza and more wine will be poured but truly, after I eat I am done with wine. We will then blah blah blah until my eyes are screaming at me to close. A good time will be had by both.

The next day I will be off to my neice's where I will tell you later what's going on. Sunday will be safe to say just in case she finds me here on the net. I have to not blab things for that reason.

The husband is so excited because he can stay home, have a couple of guys over and they can belch and burp and scratch their privates, spit too if they choose. Heaven, huh? They think so. NO GIRLS ALLOWED. Until Sunday.

My dear friend Julie has tagged me...I am working on it Julie.....honest.
And that's the point of the tag...honesty. I will deal with this after I duck and bob on what's up at the neice's.

Old Barns, Old People & Old Friends

I don't know who to credit for this but I am posting it here because it is such a lovely essay. I will move along the email I am taking this from but I want it to be here, in this journal where I try to think and search and - this is saying everything for me today.

Enjoy

Old Barns, Old People & Old Friends

Oh how I would love to restore and live in one of these !! -
but then , at my age, maybe I already do



A stranger came by the other day with an offer that set me to thinking.

He wanted to buy the old barn that sits out by the highway.
I told him right off he was crazy.

He was a city type, you could tell by his clothes, his car,
His hands, and the way he talked.

He said he was driving by and saw that beautiful barn
sitting out in the tall grass and wanted to know if it was for sale.

I told him he had a funny idea of beauty.



Sure, it was a handsome building in its day. But then, there's
been a lot of winters pass with their snow and ice and howling wind.
The summer sun's beat down on that old barn till all the paint's
gone, and the wood has turned silver gray.
Now the old building leans a good deal, looking kind of tired.
Yet, ... that fellow called it beautiful!!



That set me to thinking. I walked out to the field and just stood there,
gazing at that old barn.

The stranger said he planned to use the lumber to line the walls
of his den in a new country home he's building down the road.

He said you couldn't get paint that beautiful.

Only years of standing in the weather, bearing the storms and
Scorching sun, --only that can produce beautiful barn wood.



It came to me then....
We're a lot like that, you and I....
Only it's on the inside that the beauty grows with us.
Sure we turn silver gray too... and lean a bit more than
we did when we were young and full of sap.
But the Good Lord knows what He's doing.
And as the years pass He's busy using the hard weather of our lives,
the dry spells and the stormy seasons, to do a job of beautifying
our souls that nothing else can produce.



They took the old barn down today and hauled it away
to beautify a rich man's house.

And I reckon someday you and I'll be hauled off
to Heaven to take on whatever chores the Good Lord
has for us on the Great Sky Ranch.
And I suspect we'll be more beautiful
then for the seasons we've been through here....

and just maybe even add a bit of beauty to our Father's House.



May there be peace within you today.
May you trust God that you are
exactly where you are meant to be.



And ........,
I do sincerely Thank God for my wonderful friends and
family who care about me even though I show signs of weathering!

I say Amen to all of the above

After the 4th

Happy after the 4th of July. We had such a nice holiday weekend. For the first time in my memory, we had no company at the house and no plan for the neighborhood piling in. We were guests! One of the neighbors had a cookout on the 4th which began at about 6pm. One of our outdoor tables and many of our chairs were called into service and we also brought some marinated shrimp on skewers to throw on the grill but other than that we were bone idle. What an amazing feeling! The street was milling with people and many stopped in at the outdoor eat-in to snack or sip. Later at the end of the street where the beach is many fireworks were in order and this year they were light up the sky beautiful. It was so clear that we could see the fireworks in the Vineyard way off there in the distance. Little colored bright flashes just hanging there at the horizon. Hope everyone enjoyed as much as we did.

Time. Flying.

July second???????? Cut it out!! How? As someone in the family once said, "Seems like just yesterday it was July 1st."

Rain, Rain Won't Go Away

The sun is out and it's warm too! Have to hurry before it goes away. Today is changeover day here in the summer area where I live all the time or will in the near future. The past week has been rain and gloom and damp and cool and here, on the last of the vacation day rentals, the sun bursts out to hurry these cool, damp, cabin fever riddled folks home. Go away. Make room for the next renters. The sun will more than likely fade and the rain clouds will roll in around 4pm or so as the unpacking for the upcoming rental week begins. Such is the rainy summer on Cape Cod.

Memories

Cruising around the net and read about happy hour here on Cape Cod. It is not legal anymore. There can be no cut rate drinks but oddly enough most thriving places, aka bars, get by with 1/2 price appetizers or dollar specials. A spot we always went to and still go once a summer was mentioned and it brought to mind a song that was always sung there by the wait-staff and bartenders.

Put something on the bar besides your elbow.
Something like an old 10 dollar bill.
Put something on the bar besides your elbow.
You can't ring up your elbow on the till.

I think it is still sung to this very day. Now if I could only remember how the story of Rindercella and the Prandsome Hince goes....I do know that when the clock struck 12 she slopped her dripper.

Let me ponder that for a while. Later.

Is There a Lincoln in the House? the Senate?

I'm reading Lincoln by David Herbert Donald. It is really good. Just read this statement he made when he challenged a proposed railroad project and I thought it could well be used to challenge just about any of the projects coming out of Washington today...most especially health care.

"However high our imagination may be heated at thoughts of it...there is a heart appalling shock accompanying the account of its cost."

Of course our esteemed Madarins in Washington don't really delve into the cost - the true cost - of any of their high blown proposals and what costs they refer to are entirely pulled out of the air.

Just sayin'

Fathers' Day Blessing

Happy Father's Day!

Went to brunch with my husband's dad and brother and his family and my nephew and husband of course. One of the nieces brought her friend who is a boy...not a boy friend mind you. We really had a nice time. Lots of food and talk and laughter and kindness and love all at the same table.

My husband has reconnected with his long lost family from his first marriage. Way back in the mid sixties he graduated from high school, joined the Air Force and while stationed in the deep South met and married a lovely, very young lady from Mississippi. They moved where the Air Force sent him and after two children in a short three year marriage, while he was overseas again, she determined that she wanted out and moved home with her parents. Broken hearts and young men and women don't make for a friendly breakup and when she remarried he totally went down the poor me road. His grandmother was the only connecting string and she passed away quite a while ago. In the past few months he has made a connection with both his daughter and son and although the story more than likely has twists and turns to come, this year he received his first ever Fathers' Day card. His daughter calls him several times a week or he calls her. His son is a bit less connected but I am sure when they meet, and they will this fall, that will move in the right direction. On the way home from brunch his phone rang and his daughter put his granddaughter on the phone. His son has 2 children and they are visiting with her for the week. As he talked on the phone I watched and I have never seen him so truly content. This is a huge blessing. He has had these missing pieces rattling him for years. Thank you God for putting the puzzle together.

Hope everyone had as blessed a day as we did.

Jesus is Street Smart but He Throws His $ Around

All right so here is what hit my mind on my walk today. When I'm done you may wonder why I ever walk. Me too.

Of a sudden a memory hit me from so many years ago. There I was, maybe 7 years old and trading things with the only girl in my neighborhood and she also happened to be about 7. We had known each other forever. She went to kindergarten with me and now was in whatever...maybe 2nd grade. I have to say though, she was way more able than I was. Hard to explain but I was always a little smushy. When I was 23 or so I dated this fellow who was older and he said to me one day, "How the hell did you
ever get to this point in your life without knowing anything?"

I had no idea what he meant and asked him. It seemed that he meant I had no "street smarts" and in fact I didn't know what they were. He was right. I knew nothing. Which brings me back to the 7 year old me and my this morning thoughts.

At seven all I ever wanted was a Cinderella watch. I know the meaning of covet from that time in my life. My friend got one for Christmas or a birthday or whenever but she had one and I did not. I wanted one. More. Than. Anything.

I had something she wanted but I really didn't know she did. See? If I had "street smarts" I would have worked that angle. I traded something really great for a broken Cinderella watch and I came home like a crazed woman. I was thrilled and dancing for heavens' sake. Man oh Man Happy as a whatever in whatever....YES! That Happy....

Then.. dum da dumm dumm.... Mom arrives and says "What do you have?" and, you know, being a non-street smart person I say, "Look at what I have Mom. A Cinderella watch. I have always wanted one. I am so happy, and look at her blond hair and the blue watch band and I love it I love it."

"It's broken and how did you get this piece of garbage?"

"It's only a little broken and her hair is still blond and the band is still blue and I traded my only friend in the neighborhood my doll and all her clothes for it."

I think something like "You're an Idiot!!!" might have been said and off we went to undo the deal of a lifetime.

My heart was broken and I realized that not only would I never have a Cinderella watch but also I was lousy tradesman.

So after all that, there I was walking this morning and being grateful to God for sending his son Jesus to ransom me and I thought, "What if Jesus is a bad tradesman too?" What if on that day when I turn up at the gate, God turns to Jesus and says, "You paid for this??? Are you nuts? Look at this and think about what you spent. You're going to get your money back."

Would he do that do you think? Will Jesus say "I always wanted a Gemma and I don't care if she doesn't keep time. I just like the blue band and the blond hair and no matter what I paid, I'm glad I have her." Or will be march back with Dad and return me.

I hope he keeps me.

I wish I had that watch.

I do know Jesus is way stronger that anyone I know. I hope he doesn't march back with his Dad and undo the trade. I just hope he doesn't think he paid too much for me. I think He has street smarts don't you?

Yeah. Me too.

UPDATE:

I just read this and from my logic, if Jesus had street smarts then he wouldn't have bought me at all. Thank you Jesus!

Press or Propaganda

I remember when I was way younger and the press was bringing Nixon down. There was no doubt that the President felt he was above the law back then. He was doing things that were, in his eyes, necessary but perhaps also, in his eyes, if not illegal then bent to the point of broken. The press beat the drum. The drum beats were constant. The story became a part of our personal fabric. Watergate. Watergate. Watergate. Endlessly pounding and pounding.

Now the silence towards the law breaking being done by this administration is deafening. I mean political party when I say administration. When the power shifted, the press got lost. They became the Goebbels of our time. All Obama, all the time. In the same way Nixon was brought down, Bush was declared selected, Obama is coronated and sanctified. Every day the press anoints him anew and we are to be dazzled by his sinless brilliance. I, for one, put my undazzlers on long before I saw what the press was capable of during the Nixon years.

Just sayin'

UPDATE in the same vein:

“Iran is not ruled by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, but by the head ayatollah, the Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei, and his pigsty of brutal mullahs. Mr. Ahmadinejad never misses an opportunity to pay craven tribute to these unelected agents of harsh Islamic rule, always with a bending of the knee and a kiss for every outstretched holy hand”

I forget where I got this from but it struck me that we could substitute the USA for Iran, Obama’s name for Ahmadinejad and I’m not sure who we would substitute for the Kamenie and the pigsty but there are names to be used there. The frightening part is that here, in the land of the free, we don’t know who is truly in charge. Soros? I wonder. I used to be afraid it was Soros, now I am even more fearful that it isn’t.

Flowers for all Seasons

Did I already post this pic? If so sorry - it's just so darned cute I had to put it up here.

Daffodil Days never end around here do they? The daffodils are gone til next year though, now here comes hydrangea season and yes this is the exact color that springs out every year...amazing isn't it?

The Times they are A-Changing

I have a head full of things I would like to spew forth. Right now it's all whirling around like a Dairy Queen Blizzard....yum on that by the way. The weather has been very chilly and damp..what's new? Thank heavens for Global Warming or we'd be shoveling I'm sure. I said that to a friend and her reply made me realize how much pounding people are taking to be politically correct. She didn't want to jump on my wagon and ride to the "Al Gore is an IDIOT" tune but she is my friend so she said, in her most constricted voice....the one you use when your mother is pinching the under part of your arm, "Well there is a climate change occurring and it is cyclical." Huh? That's how free we seem to be to voice any opinion other than the accepted one. No one was there but the two of us and, as we talked later, because of the subject matter she felt she had to tread very carefully. I don't care if she agrees with me or not. She used to know that. I told her she was watching too much Main Stream News. I was right, she never watches Fox or uses the net. She feels that this subject is like politics and religion...we don't go there. Scary!

I guess all those years of organized everything for the kids is paying off. In addition to training kids to never have a rogue opinion, I heard this morning that businesses have to train new employees to make decisions. So it seems the system has trained the younger generation so well in this team effort that they have trouble with risk taking and independence. Yow....ya think???? I was always one who kind of hung back to see what the trends were before I either bucked them or went with them so I never thought I was very courageous. I made decisions only after tons of fact finding. In a business meeting I cringed when a co-worker leaped into the fray before we had the whole picture. Now....I feel like Captain Courageous and yet, my style hasn't changed at all. I guess it's true. Just wait a while -- don't change -- the world will.

Gotta Love It!!!!

Shred the Past and Move Along

Tuesdays feel like Mondays around here......and now it's Wednesday. Where does the time go? We - the husband and I - are doing a lot of ditzy things that really feel like you're doing nothing. Trying to empty out one house so we can sell it and the move to the other, much smaller, house is happening in fits and starts. One of the things we have accomplished is the removal of cartons of legal stuff that relates to every member of my family over the past 40 years. Everyone had the same attorney and that attorney passed away recently -- all the family members have also passed away, except for me of course. Thus, I have inherited all the cartons of paper in the attorney's basement that dealt with my family. I am shredding and shredding and shredding. Oh, the memories that all of this brings back, divorces and spouses who passed away and law suits and - - what a soap opera this family I was born into has lived. The book will be forthcoming and no one will believe it.

I feel like I have lost weight as this paper goes away. The shredding is like giving it to God. Let it go! Did I mention that we are on our second shredder? First one stopped never to start again. We have the heavy duty top of the line - at least for the home office. Back to the job at hand.

ZZZZZZZZZ

More rain and gloom today but the tears are clearing up..the wet air drops the pollen down and it certainly feels better. The house is so quiet right now. My husband had a sleep test last night or maybe I should say a couldn't sleep test. He flunked! He couldn't stay asleep long enough for them to figure out the apnea thing so he has to do a do over. Right now he's here...sleeping. The dog, who missed him more than oxygen is sleeping too. I don't think she slept a wink either. She kept expecting him to come home and she ran from her bed to the window a lot of times. I slept like a dream thank you. Had the bed to myself and the dog was awake so no one was snoring. I was up and down my usual two times and conked out each time. The radio was not playing ever and - - I missed him too! A good night's sleep isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Aches Pains and Tears

How did this week get by so fast? I have been moaning and groaning my way through the past couple of days. The weather is gloomy and spitting rain every now and then and it's chilly. Every bone and muscle in my body is creaking or cracking or aching and paining. Over the weekend I walked and walked and walked and that may have something to do with the aches and moans since I haven't been doing much at all since January. The age thing and the arthritis thing might also play a role here. Today, another gloomy and chilly day but since I took two days off I MUST get out the door and walk some more. Maybe that will work the creaks out.

At least the rain is washing the pollen off the car..all the puddles around here have a green film floating on them. Sneeze much? Well sort of but the worst of it for me is my watery teary eyes. Everyone I meet on my walk thinks I am running away from home after a fight with the spouse. No matter how many times I explain the allergy eyes I get a lot of sympathetic nods and you know the look? That oh yeah sure look? At least I give the neighbors something to mull over.

Hold on to the Wisdom

Made a huge mistake and checked the news. As a result I had to go to a source of wisdom and strength. I found a site where these gifts were received.

"The world cannnot exist without God's consistent spritual energy" That is a true blessing and I must internalize that. Here is the real keeper.

"To the arrogant and wicked, theirs is only a world of mirage and they should not think with such posturing they will succeed." Amen

Let it Go

On the road again. Trying to get my house ready to sell and it involves moving 60 odd years and every family member's unwanted belongings out in some way. I had an antique dealer in and he treated everything as if it's ready for the junk pile. He would give me something and then he talked about how much man power he would need to expend to move it all.

Well, in my head I say to myself, "if it's that much bother and work then why pay me anything? I should be paying you."

So that thought makes me reconsider and decide to look for another dealer and then I think, "You have been sitting on this stuff for years and it is just in the way."

Then I think of the monkey story. You know the one. The monkey is given a coconut with a hole drilled in it big enough to fit his hand through. Inside the coconut is a bunch of really tasty food. Once the monkey reaches in and grabs as much as he can, his hand full of food won't fit to get back out of the hole. If he would let go he could get his hand out. He won't let go. He is tied to this coconut which means he can't move and so he sits and starves to death. Am I the monkey?

It is so hard to let go.

It's a Jungle Out There

Can it possibly be Tuesday already? Where did the days go? No place memorable obviously. We have just been trudging through the chores of life and seemingly making progress..then we sit down and look around and wonder what the hey? It's a jungle out there.

Watched a movie last night. The Changeling. What a good job Angelina did. She is really a good actress isn't she? Skinniest lady I have ever seen though. Can that be healthy?

I certainly have a lot of questions today don't I? Look. There's another one.

Have to go now and move that jungle back a bit. It's always trying to grow over us isn't it?

Man Plans - God Giggles

So misty out there it feels like rain. This is the kind of weather where it rains under the trees. The moisture gathers on the leaves and drops to the ground. There are huge wet spots under each tree limb.

Have to travel a bit today. Long story but we're bringing bags of pellets for a pellet stove back to a store. Each bag weighs 40 pounds and we have 40 of them. The plan A was a friend was to be here with a van so we could haul them all in one trip but he just called to say the van wouldn't start. Plan B. Load the pellets in our car which can only hold a dozen at a time...the weight is too much otherwise. This now means at least 3 if not 4 trips......Oh dear. Do I hear giggling?

The View

Forever I have said that I am going to take a picture of the trees on my street when they burst into bloom. Then, time goes by and it's snowing again. How does that happen? Well, this year, meet the new me. I am doing what I say I will do. Sort of. At least I took these pictures of my view down the street. It really is something isn't it? Have a great day...I am still ostriching.

Not Much Here

I really would like to do these ten on tuesday and 11 on thursday and what are you up to on Monday things but I have no idea how to link to things and get those cute logos on the top of the page. I just learned about the pictures and feel as though I should have a degree hanging on the wall after that learning adventure. How on earth do I do those other things? I will be looking into it and hurting my brain whilst I do. At least it will keep me away from the news.

I must say how much I LOVE Alistair Begg and wish I could hop over to Cleveland to visit his church. Just sayin'

I Am an Ostrich

I'm going to try to not read or listen to the news today. Call it the ostrich approach. If I hear or read anything by accident, I will wait one full day before comment. Right now I am praying and reading the Bible.

This Administration is sooo Scary

When does a community organizer stop organizing..?? When do we consider his skills less than global? Will the NYT and the WH Press Corps protect us from the damage that might be done in the MidEast? When did we start hating the Jewish people? When did we start denying the Holocaust.... What is wrong with us..... Someone please make this stop!!!! It is not cool if there is hate in his heart....is it there???? Someone look and see.... I am so unsettled and what the hey...truth is not true any more is it?

Happy - AAAAH Choooooo- Mothers Day

Happy Mothers' Day to all. My husband has given in to what I have been fighting and today we sound like that flu ward of the hospital..cough snort sneeze blow your nose cough some more. Our brunch has been cancelled and the smell of Vicks is in the air. Later. Hope everyone is enjoying their mothers or their memories or their children.

A Ponder from the Past

I have been so consumed with health issues that I have done very little, if any, searching and pondering. I came across this diary entry and thought I might share it since it is truly a pondering piece that resulted from my usual search of me.

I think this took place 2 weeks or so ago.

A lot of reality rocks were tossed my way this week. Each time the truth hit, a chunk of armor dropped to the ground leaving an open wound of tender, I don’t know who I am, flesh. I am sad and mourning the used to be parts of me. It’s better to know the truth, I guess, but when it hits it can be really painful.

One thing I have learned is that I always did stuff, family stuff, run and fetch and let her do it stuff because I wanted whoever I did that stuff for to like me. I would have paid them but I never had money so my currency was my willingness to put my wants and needs over there somewhere and do for someone else. The person throwing the truth at me recently didn’t bring up that bit of knowledge. I worked that out on my own.

What the person opened up for me was that door where once you enter you can’t turn back. That door brought me into a place where I realized that no one in my life ever just loved me. Aww, poor me. I don’t say it in that manner, although to tell the truth, and I will try from now on, to tell the truth, I did at first. I realized that unconditional love fairy tale is just that, a fairy tale. You always have to work at something for that love to wash over one or both of you. I guess I just found it easier to operate that way because for my childhood life there was always the “If you would only. . . . , then . . . ” That was the method of communication in my family. “Your father won’t like you if…..” Note, it was never, “Your father won’t like IT” “I am going to my room and won’t come back until….” Those were Mother’s opening shots, Father’s always were “I am so disappointed in you” and that, of course, was due to some doing or other on your part.

I am now working on what to do now that I know that’s what I do. Shall I continue to do even when I don’t want to because it seems to work with the person I’m doing for? Or should I only do what I enjoy and if nobody likes it well then…..

I see some relationship wreckage in my area even though I did and did and did. Those people I did for are not here now and when they left it was because I didn’t do something or other for them, in most cases things I was not able to do. I guess, as I think about it and I do with more frequency than is healthy, I am really better off without them since if they were here, they would only want more from me and I am truly worn out right now.

Turning the Corner

Good night's sleep. Sun is out. Fresh coffee brewing. Bunch of fresh flowers on the table in front of me. How good is this? I have a feeling that the corner is turned and way behind me. Can it be true? My breathing says it is. Deep breath. No wheeze. No cough. Ssshhh! Just keep going. Don't mention the war.

That's from Fawlty Towers in case you're wondering. One of my most favorite shows ever. "Whatever you do....don't mention the war."

The Deparment of Energy

Almost finished with the antibiotics and I am certainly feeling better....not back to best yet but better. Today my complaint is this, oh yes I have to have one every day it seems, I don't want to leave the house. I am quite content to sit and stare. My energy level is below the line. I barely have enough for the keyboard. Maybe more coffee will do it. I will go now and make some.

I Give Up

So I gave in to the nagging and went to the doctor who has no idea that I have been to see him more often than any other person on earth, in my mind. I guess I have a different opinion of my quality of being remembered than others do. Funny. I must remember that!

The nurse took my temperature and no one was more surprised than I when she said 101 degrees. What? Then the doctor saw me and he remarked that I couldn't have a temperature that high and not look as though I did. He took it again and it had dropped to 100. Listen to the lungs, look in the ears, check out the throat and home I go with antibiotics and some cough syrup with codeine. The diagnosis is almost bronchitis but not quite, not pneumonia, thank you Lord, and call back on Thursday if I see no remarkable improvement. I will now be on the couch and if I can keep the words from bouncing around, I will read a book.

What a Revoltin' Development This Is

Still with the wheeze and sneeze but at least this morning I feel human....my husband has been hammering me with "Call the doctor, call the doctor, call the doctor" to which I have been replying "Cough! Cough! Cough! Wheeze! Sneeze!" then I blow my nose.

Then I say, "It's the weekend....they're closed. The only choice is the Emergency Room and I'm not going. I'll call on Monday."

Well, it's Monday and if Monday had been yesterday I would have so called. I felt miserable and could not take a deep breath. I was sure my lungs were filled with concrete. This morning? Not so bad. Just unending coughing which is okay since there is a reason to cough if you know what I mean....I hate to think about it but it is a better thing than yesterday. So now....what to do? Call the doctor or ride it out? I hate to be the girl who keeps crying "See me see me see me" He, the doctor, will dismiss me as a crank when a giant problem looms. What to do what to do?

I Could be in the News

Still coughing and sneezing and sniffing and wheezing. Feeling better though. Checked through the headlines and all I can say is it's a darned good thing I don't have a plane ride coming up...they would ditch me over the harbor for sure with this stuff going on. If I oink do you think I would start a panic?

Well I will stay home and not make the headlines tomorrow. Later.

AAAH choooooo!!

Well, my allergies have hit very hard and I have that bronchial wheezing croupy kind of cough I remember as a kid. I am covered with Vicks Vapor Rub and breathing menthol like it is my last great hope. I would say Swine Flu but this is my worst time of year anyhow and right now I have to take my medecine and go away....bye for now....I'll be back when the Kleenex run out and I have to surface for more.

I Do Love Nantucket

Yes, more Nantucket stuff.

I have so many pictures from that one day...most of what I have already downloaded are from the car parade..the others are with my husband. I ran out of memory so he gave me one of his whatevers and he told me I couldn't get the pictures off, he had to because there were so many (not mine) that he had already taken it would take too long to do on my computer. And now - I'M WAITING!!

I took pictures of the ladies in their daffodil hats and men in their yellow shirts and blue bow ties wearing their seersucker suits...yes, you heard me, seersucker. Honestly, I highly recommend at least going for the day and make it Saturday when all the stuff is out. A couple of years ago I went but on Sunday and all the field day things were over...the shops were there and the window boxes were stuffed with daffodils but the people were back to normal clothes and not a dog was dressed up. Go on Saturday...better yet .. stay for the weekend. Yes! That's the ticket!! Empty your bank account and get a room! Look, I'll show you the difference. Here's the square this year on Saturday.



Here's the square a couple of years ago on Sunday.



See? There are people there on Saturday. Later when I get those pictures from the Hubby's camera...you will see people at their best daffodil silliness. What fun!

Dressing up the Pooches

And then the dogs marched by.....couldn't wait to put this one up -- there will be more....

The Parade Begins

What a fabulous day we had....this is what we got off the ferry to .... this is only a preview of the great pictures I took of a super terrific visit. This is a car in the daffodil parade of old cars. You have to see it live to really appreciate. Later with more