Saturday, November 07, 2009

A True Confession

Where have I been? Can't believe that the last time I wrote anything was back in October. Well let me see. I have been doing the usual house keeping things like laundry, shopping for food, going to the library, searching the internet for lose weight in a hurry miracle plans, talking on the phone, driving the hubster to physical therapy, walking the moose of a dog, and reading a bit. Not much heavy lifting there. Notice the absence of vacuuming, dusting and sorting out the cartons of things that surround me daily.

I tell myself that I am recharging my very drained batteries. I am coming off ten years or so of total screeching stress. Running a family business following the deaths of parents within six months of each other, 2 years later the death of my oldest brother and 2 years later the loss of my remaining older brother. Then the economic downturn made the business like a roller coaster ride at 6 Flags along with a sister-in-law suing me for any possible thing she could make up and boy did she make up a lot of stuff. Three years or so later, the suit was put aside, the business sold and now I wait for the relaxing to occur. I pine for the day when the phone rings and I don't get a jolt. I want to go to the mailbox without dread fearing a letter from some new attorney or the government.

I know I have that Post Traumatic Stress thing. I am hunkering down and awaiting it's exit. Hunkering means no meaningful accomplishments, just walk in place and hope that the clutter is somehow viewed as quaint and charming. The true confession is that the clutter is not adding to the relaxed atmosphere I am longing for and my inclination is to walk away from it rather than deal. I want to rent a charming condo somewhere for the winter and gaze at totally empty rooms. Like that will ever happen.

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