Tough it out

I have come to realize that I have been, if not deeply then, skimmingly depressed for quite some time. I live in my car commuting from home to home. I hang on to the house of my childhood saying that I have no time or energy to clean it out and ready it for sale. I am doomed to being the last (wo)man standing in my immediate family and dealing with the company my father loved so much.

I have the dubious honor of being the family member who must clean up. I have emptied closets and my parents homes and thrown out clothes my mother saved from my high school days. I have had friends and family take bags and boxes of trinkets mother and dad collected over their many years on earth. I have swept and hauled off to the dump or salvation army any number of things so that those houses could be renovated and lived in. The one down south? Sprung a leak, mold and mildew, fights with insurance and condo managers and neighbors, all from a distance and finally selling as is for a loss. The other which was left to me is where my husband has moved thinking we would be there way sooner than this.

The business is now in process of being moved into the world of business. Accounts kept on matchbook covers and slips of paper somewhere are being gathered and updated and computerized. Records are in process of being created and people are being charged with behaving like employees and managers rather than fraternity brothers and club members. None of these things are easy or fun. All take time time and more time. People have to buy in to change and what person in their right mind would want to go from easy and relaxed to accountable and often grinding.

I'm no spring chicken. In most of my previous life with a very large corporation I was on the sweep up end of some high flier's mess. The project would be dazzling and sparkling. It would, in reality, be a non-starter. It merely fizzled out and lay there in a lump of wet ashes. Since the project managers had made a huge splash and been promoted and praised and received HUGE bonuses, upper management felt that at the very least the project should function somewhat. Call in the work horses (me included) who could put the parts in some semblance of order, get the codes needed to build it, bill it and make it sell. Since all the kudos had already been given out, this crowd couldn't be recognized for their efforts which about 99% of the time worked. Not to worry, some day, ya da ya da retire now please....you're old. Oh, and by the way, since your salary never really peaked much due to the insignificant (NOT dazzling) work of reviving the sizzlers, your pension won't be much either. Buh Bye!!!

As a child, I was the only girl. One would think that alone would have brought praise and red carpet stuff. Well, the only girl was not the charmer, not the dazzler, she was somewhat plump and awkward and shy. The boys however, they were, well, boys. Their mother was Irish and we know how that story goes. I think I've told this one before. The birthday cards with the slots for change were filled for the oldest, half filled for the next and the youngest, the girl? Well a couple of slots were ok. Girls are happy with whatever they get. Girls don't need things like boys do. Younger people have fewer needs....don't worry when you're older you'll catch up.

Life is not fair and it wears me out. My life saver however is this line from a radio ministry. Most drownings occur very close to shore. People give up. If they had just toughed it out a little longer they would have been able to touch ground and walk ashore. I'm tired but not worn out. I will tough it out and who knows what is in store down the road. Dealing with the unfair aspect of life has been going on for as long as man has walked this earth. God's ways are not ours and all is as it should be. Knock off the depression and deal with what is. Do it as best you can and be proud of what you have done. You do it for the glory of God.

Amen

Truth Is

Well years ago when I first started this thing...my first real post was on my birthday. Here we are again. Happy Birthday to me. The day after Pearl Harbor. My mother told me that dad may have been drafted except that I was born. Of course he also had two other very young children and I came along after the attack...no, not just one day after .. but before the end of that pesky adventure called WWII. Never mind, I still saved the day and the family.

The family, if you have read any of the previous postings, have all passed on, mother, father, two brothers and then there's me, the last one standing. Of course there are nieces and nephews and they are certainly family but my immediate grouping is gone. My memory banks are not here. Of course the only memory bank that worked was mother's and I have learned that hers were sometimes very pepped up to suit her particular needs. I guess we all do that to a certain extent. An event from the past changes as we do. It is never related in the cold black and white tones of documentary but in the more colorful palette of story telling. It's like the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy first enters Oz.....we go from black and white to bursting color.

My life needs more color....black and white can be troubling. The truth is gritty and hard to deal with. It certainly works best for everyone but it is unsettling.

Truth is..today, I'm 63 years old. Yikes and away. Thirty more years are a possibility and each and every one should be a marvelous adventure. Off I go. Wish me luck. Bless everyone.

Bribes

Just read that Muslim women in some countries have been paid to wear the veil and it is all in the interest of Islam and the intimidation of everyone else. I think that most major news sources are being paid to slant the news in favor of Islamic causes and to bash Christians. Just sayin'

Just some Thoughts

Still cold. My niece is with me for a while and I have forgotten how nice it is to have someone else in the house. Weekends of course I have my husband but during the week when I have to work I am at our second house, the one I want to sell but have to empty first. This second house is really a huge part of our budgetary concern. The utilities and taxes are, to use a horrible phrasing, taxing. My niece, well, our niece, is going to school nearby. She is studying to be a nurse and is just a great girl. She is very conscientious about everything. Her family life (excluding us or course) has been tumultuous and yet, she has moved through with grace and has goals and targets and yow. If only I had been so directed at her age. I'm not sure how prepared she is for life getting in her way but, honestly, if she has moved through the rubble of her early years and come out as I see her, she should have developed remarkable resilience. I hope so.

I am surrounded by nieces and only two nephews. The girls, they are so special. I see in them possibilities for whatever they choose. Of course, a couple have chosen the hard road. I guess we all do from the viewpoint of other people. Everyone knows the better way you should go. It is apparent to the onlooker and the way they think you should take is their way of course. The Lord left us in a tough place. Thankfully he left us with the life preserver of Jesus and the instruction booklet called the Bible. Now if only we grab for them.

God bless us everyone.

Belt Tightening and Stream of Consciousness

Well. Here we are at 27 degrees (Farenheit) and winter, it seems is creeping up on us. It snowed yesterday, not a lot, big wet flakes that stuck for a while and then melted away except in those nooks and crannies where the sun doesn't warm. The leaves have been gone from the trees forever so the cold and the snow? It's due. Christmas however can wait in the wings for quite some time. The decorations and the singing and the shopping and the wrapping, that's not so much of a good time. The shopping and the wrapping this Christmas I have been told will not be a part of our lives for budgetary reasons. We go through this from time to time in our lives. This is one of those times. I hate it. I whine and moan through this time.

At least this time around the heat is on. I hate it when we are broke due to budgeting and we are cold too. Last winter (or the winter before - I forget) we lost power for more than 4 days and it was during a super cold awful time. The house was sooooo cold that you could see your breath in the living room. We went to the Community center to get warm...not all of the town was without power so there were restaurants open etc. Problem was we weren't able to shower so felt ghastly -- cold water splashing on your face and where ever doesn't make for a great start to the day. At least we could brush our teeth properly. Walking into any place that was open and warm made me feel like a homeless person. Untidy and unwashed . . poor .. cold...

OK enough already... that is not the case now. We are merely pulling in our belts to wipe out some credit card debt and face the new year more responsibly blah blah blah.....The husband, he loves to be austere.

I keep telling myself that this too shall pass and we will be prosperous again.....Help

Make the time go by fast Lord.

74.6.71.#.

OK ... I have one question, I check Sitemeter more frequently than I ever should. Honestly. As you know, most of the people who read this blog are ME. I check it and re check it and check it again. I fear that someone will read my writing and then I fear that no one will. Yikes help me@!

So as I check that Sitemeter place I find that there is a frequent checker and the information that is gleaned is that the checker is 74.6.71.#. -- I don't know who you are and I don't really want to but honestly couldn't you some time just say hi.....read this and pffft or whatever.


Just Sayin

Stains and all

Our holiday was so nice, except for the weather which was wildly blowing wind and driving pounding rain. The fam arrived around 2pm and the eating of everything in the house began. This year it was just my brother-in-law and his family. He has two girls and they are just so great...one is 19 and the other is about 23. They are a joy. We just talked and laughed and for two young women, they have the memory thing going. I always have used the same crocheted table cloth for ever at every holiday and for many many years now the holidays have mostly been at our house. Although all the family wasn't here for Thanksgiving (they will be on Christmas Eve), I still did the usuals. All the nieces and nephews look for the cloth and ask about the stains. "This one," I will say, "is where your grandmother spilled the gravy and here, the blue stain, is where the candle dripped on Christmas Day 1990. It fell over when your Uncle so and so passed the plate of cranberry sauce and I know that because here, here is the stain from that." They love that cloth and have told me that I have to leave it to each and every one in my will. I love that they love the thing and the foolish stories made up long ago about stains that I just couldn't remove and the Scottish penny pinching that kept me from buying another. The big thing about that table cloth is that my grandmother crocheted it and so....how could anyone not use it on a family day, stains and all. (To tell the truth, the stains aren't really that obvious....except for the blue one.) Have a wonderful day and share some family memories...that's how we live on here on this planet.

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everybody. We are smoking our turkey. I use the word we loosely. By we I mean my husband. We are having family late in the day since some have to work. The work of people in nursing homes never ends or takes a holiday. Anyway. The husband, he is smoking the bird and cooking up a storm. He loves to do it and I love to watch.

Big surprise! We are keeping the rescue dog who arrived last saturday. She is such a wonderful dog. She is loving to all and fun and smart and beautiful. And that is just the beginning. More on her later.

Hope everyone has a great day with good friends and family and pets and good food and on and on I go.

Wrong holiday but God Bless Us Everyone.

Some of my Week (weak?)

Well this week has been so tough. Yeah, I know it's only Wednesday. I am thanking God that He only made the week 7 days long. I'll just hit the highlights. Vegetable soup. I love it and make it in vast quantities since the Jenny Craig way allows free vegetables and beef broth, low sodium of course. The soup can be eaten in vast quantities all day long and not interfere with the diet. I am now only semi-Jenny but determined to keep going in a less costly way. Enter the soup which I make every other week or so since, let me repeat, I make huge amounts. Well there I was, making huge amounts and it was on the stove and I have made two trips to the store since I forgot we ran out of carrots and hubby needed onions for the beef stock he was going to make. Bubble, bubble soup on the stove. Enter my helpful husband who, perhaps like most husbands, has a habit of being helpful when I am doing just about anything. He rearranges, alters, moves, suggests, you know, helpful things, the kind that make your teeth ache and shoulders seize up with the tension of not saying much more than "Thank you Honey, I appreciate your helpful hints and actions." Right. The lid is lifted, the soup is stirred and he says, "This might taste even better with some tomato paste", of course he said that as he was adding the paste. The paste was in a tube, had been opened, had been stored unrefrigerated in a cabinet. As he added it he read the refrigerate after opening direction on the tube. Voila, ruined soup.

Then the bloodwork I have to have done on a regular basis. No big deal. Usually the order is good for 90 days from the doctor's visit but the rules? they have changed. Thirty days from the visit the order is gone. I called both doctors who wrote these things over a week ago to have them renewed so I could go in this morning and wrap it up. Fasting. Got to the lab at 7:30, filled out the paper work and at 7:40, record time by the way, I am called in. There I find only one of the tests has been re-ordered and it is the stupid one, the one that was just an after thought, the might as well check this too as long as we're doing all of this other stuff. That one. Here I am, back home with every bit of my blood still coursing through me instead of some in a test tube.

Sigh. There's a lot more but those are the two that are making me filled with rage. Forget about the Democrats and cut and run and OMG George McGovern???????? WTF and I mean that in the most civilized way. I know God is on His throne and in charge and always with us. I want lightening bolts to come down in the very near vicinity of the big mouthed gloating fools who should have gone off to the Zen seminaries they so admired in the 60's and contemplated their own navels instead of inflicting their wacko lunacies on the rest of us.

Peace, Man.

Where's my dog??????

Searching for what? Well, I told you my, our, dog passed away. Eleven years of a dog in the house and prior to him ten years of another dog in the house and prior to him....well, you get it. Yes, we are missing our dog. I also told you that we are on the adopt a dog train and by golly it has pulled out of the station. Like a horse with the bit in his teeth, my husband is on the move. We head for New Hampshire today to meet a Katrina dog. He is about 3 or 4 and a Rottie of course. We met him last week but in a rather chaotic situation. He seemed like a well mannered boy and considering the circus going on around him, he behaved quite well but he was rather distracted. He was more interested in keeping his eye on the other dogs and people around him than getting to know us. So, off we go to meet him again.

Well, this is much later and we have driven through rain and wind and fog and indeed the dog, he is still distracted. He is a really nice boy but we found that he has been in a kennel for more than a year and probably longer than that. No one knows if he is house broken since he has not been in a house. The reality is we will be adopting a 4 year old puppy. Do you know Rotties? Well, a 4 month old puppy is tough enough. Add the years and the poundage and wow....so we have moved on. It probably broke my heart more than hubby's even though he was the one with the big yen. This pooch was a nice boy. He just needed a lot of us and I'm not sure we're up to it. Fortunately there are more outside the door. The liason is meeting more prospects as I write. Now we are making contact with the foster parents of a 2 year old female. She is a beauty and as sweet as can be. She has been in a home for the duration of her orphaned period and will be coming to our home this weekend. We can keep her for a day or three or forever. Her only downside is that she loves people so much. How bad can it be? We'll find out.

I am really ready to drink some wine now and relax. God Bless.

Love the Veteran.

I had so many uncles I lose count. On Veteran's Day, every one of my uncles.....they were Veterans. One was asked to return to the Philippines to be honored since he jumped on
Corregidor and was lost in action for more than six months. He, my uncle Doug, said that his father would say at the dinner table ( there were nine kids, two of my grandmother's sisters and two of my grandfather's brothers at the table -- lots of mouths to feed) that if any one left any food on their plate that they would chase a crow for a number of miles for whatever was left behind. My uncle Doug, parachuted onto Corregidor and was lost for months. He only ever said that he would have chased that crow that his father told him he would have chased. I loved my uncle a lot and more than that. He was the bomb. Thanks Uncle Doug.......... Love You....

Shaking it Off

I'm back and I'm better. Don't know how or why but I can guess that God has shakem me around and said that I am indulging myself in self pity and that's so unattractive and unproductive. I heard a fellow yesterday talk about Bishop Tutu (sp?) stating that you could be an arrogant victim or a wounded healer. I realized that arrogant victims practice very hard as I was. It's not that easy to fall into the victim place and feel entitled to special treatment because of the way the world was treating you. You really have to work at it -- so I am not going to stay in that place and hone those victim skills.

Case closed.

My husband has decided that we will be getting another dog and it won't be a puppy. We will rescue one and has pulled us into the world of dog adoption which is very comprehensive I must say. They want references and call neighbors and make house visits and contracts are signed and so on and so on. We are to meet some possible new kids and of course will want each and every one.

I'll be letting you know how it goes.

Other things have occurred which make me state loudly and clearly. God is on the throne and whatever is whirling around us, He is in charge. That should settle your inner storms. I also read today's thought in My Utmost for His Highest and it concerned the Holy Spirit praying for things that we don't know we need but do. Isn't that amazing? While we go about our business the Holy Spirit is taking care of us and those prayers go direct. When things occur, it may be that the prayers of the Holy Spirit have been answered. I have to go think on that. Ponder as they say.

God Bless and Take Care.

Grief

I'm up with the birds since the Terminix man is supposed to be here for the regular check up. My blues are bluer. We had to put our wonderful dog to sleep on tuesday. I don't know how to get rid of the pain but I know I will. He was such a good boy for all 11 years we had him. He was a clown and good friend and the joy of the neighborhood. He had certain stops he had to make daily and if his friends were in they would come out, greet him with hugs and pats and cookies. He would wag his body since his tail was docked and he was always very vocal, whining and singing as he waited for his hugs and treats. If the house was empty he would pine all the way to the next house. His whole body slumped and he had that eeyore look about him. If he met his friends on the street he had them trained to carry cookies so the greeting and hugging and treats could happen wherever they met. He would still stop at their house however, convinced that somehow they would be there too. I miss him and grieve for him and worry about my husband who is taking this even harder than I.

I thank God that we had that wonderful companion for all the time we did and thank Him again for being so merciful by allowing us to be with our pal as he drifted to sleep. His onset of terrible pain was swift and short lived, another of God's mercies.

God will ease the pain and dry our tears. He is ever with us and always merciful.

Big Blue

Listened to the radio yesterday as we drove to many scenic vistas. The day was glorious and windy like a hurricane and between the blinding sun, bright blue sky and huge breakers at the National Seashore it was tough to decide which made the day more perfect. Back to the radio. Listened to Satellite Sisters, one of my favorite shows that has changed time slots so I keep missing it. They had a guest on who had written a memoir called Parched. The book sounds right up my alley and it’s been out a while which means the next memoir she is writing will not be that long to hit the stores so I won’t be kept waiting forever. Books were the order of the day since we were on our way to a bookstore to buy Howie Carr’s book, The Brothers Bulger, and say hi to Howie and have him sign the book. We did all of those things and how cool is that. We love Howie.

Following the purchase, meeting and signing we toured the area as explained above. I have to order the book Parched through my library account since we are on a BUDGET. I guess the Howie book was one of those “just this once” kind of things. Well we try but not for long stretches of time. Baby steps.

I am, as my aunt used to say, blue.

Not blue like the sky but blue like a mood.

I will be less blue soon I hope and will elaborate on the whys and wherefore’s of blueness.

Later

I'm so empty

October 22, 2006

Never put this in the blog so I will now. Not that it’s so swell but it’s me and how I was on the date entered above.

I have been reading everything as I do on Sunday morning. I have a cold and honestly, I don’t handle colds well. Big things. She is like a duck - rolls off her back but head colds. Yow!

It’s always so clear in my head and then I go to the computer and write where it clogs up and sneezes. Not my cold this time, my thoughts. How do I get them out clearly? I have always thought I was orderly. Actually, I love order. I need someone else to neaten up however. This may be a result of my mother always zipping around in her apron and pin curls. She wielded a mean dust rag, vacuum cleaner and mop. The house was always neat and clean and smelled of Lemon Pledge. I watched in awe and never participated. I did work as a chamber maid during my summers here when I was in college. I learned from the motel owner how to glisten up a bathroom and how to make a mean hospital corner. I believe that it is thanks to Mrs. H that I learned how to dust and polish and actually enjoy the work. Except for the fact that you have to keep doing it over and over and over, it can be satisfying. Living in the moment you are aware of the effort you have made and can stand back and admire the end result. I, however, have trouble in the moment. I am a way down the road kind of gal. I can go from right now to 10 years from now in the blink of an eye and believe me it ain’t pretty.

Project Much?

Started off today as I do almost everyday. I opened the DRUDGE report and found that the Foley mess has a few misunderstood or miscommunicated or mishandled facts. Now there's the rub as they say. The mess wasn't a big enough mess for the opposite side or the press or is that maybe the same group? It's hard to tell lately. The mess has to be even messier. I said this once before and I guess I'll say it again. The Dems and the MSMs are like pre-adolescent girls. You know how they are right? No? Well let me elaborate.

Let's say for instance that pre-adolescent girl has something to report. I don't know, maybe her brother told her to get lost when she saw him walking after school with his friends. She runs home, she yells for Mom. She proceeds to squeal. When she sees that the plain old facts are hardly landing at all - well, the facts they are a changing. He didn't just say scram - he used a curse or two. He didn't just wave his hand at her, he turned, he approached her, he got right in her face, he pointed his finger at her sternum and actually poked her to emphasize each of the curse words he used as he told her to Get the F out of here before I --- and his friends - well, they joined right in circling her and threatening and

You get it? The layers of facts are piled on until she gets the response she's looking for. Good Old Mom is in the car and looking for those rotten ungrateful stinkin' . Oh yeah. Her brother is in for it now. Then when the group is hunted down and the story unfolds, well, that young girl bats her eyes and her lower lip quivers and by the time Dad has joined in and put his arm around her and explained the miscues and misunderstood details in the emotional heat of the moment.........

How'm I doing? Substitute any news story lately and there you have it. The original version with the actual facts? Way too tame. Get their attention. Point some fingers, name some names, scream, holler, you can always print the truth way later in the back of the paper or not. No wonder these libs don't believe the victim of a crime....especially a rape. They project too much as they say.

Yawn!

Monday, This is the Way We Wash the News

Time to recycle the headlines....the same headlines that have been appearing since 9/12. Yawn. Republican Sex Scandal. The Circle of Corruption, Republicans only Please. Rumsfeld Under Fire, Refuses to Resign. Colin Powell Speaks (against the Bush Administration of course). Israel defeated in (Where ever, you choose). Clinton Welcomed in .... Hillary the Hawk. Bush Under Fire, Refuses to Resign. (Oh Sorry - maybe not resign but step down, step aside) Global Warming threatens the Eider Duck in Southern Who Knows Where. The Pope Speaks and Angers the World. Muslims are in Fear for Their Future. Riots in the Streets. The Consumer Price Index shows a poor Halloween Season. Christmas will no longer exist. Holidays only and only if they have some other than Christian background. Same Sex anything rules. Trans anything but Fat. Obesity is the fault of the Bush Administration. Pit Bulls and Rottweilers march against the Bush Administration.

See Ya.

Back to the Radio Messages

I re-read some of my earlier postings and oh, my, some of them are pretty poignant and moving . . to me, at least. I always, as I said, have the radio on a Christian station and every morning there is a stream of half hour ministries that get me up and moving. I haven't written about them for some time but having re-read the older posts where I did write about them, and having the need for the messages, I thought I would share this morning's experience which was really on point, with me at least.

The message is from Ligonier Ministries Renewing Your Mind with Dr. J. C. Sproul. I love that show. It is so cerebral, it makes you stretch and isn't that wonderful in the morning. This morning the discussion was about Jonah. He was sent by God to Ninevah and ran away, fell into the ocean, swallowed by a great fish, up chucked onto dry land and told again to go to Nineveh which he hastily did. Once there he said they had 40 days before destruction, repent or die and they repented. Jonah was furious and went off to sulk in the sun of the desert. God sent a plant to shade him followed by a worm which ate the plant and then dry heat blasting wind. God spoke to Jonah and pretty much wondered how Jonah could feel bad for the plant which he never created or nurtured and had no feelings for all of the people of Nineveh who would have died.

Jonah hated the people of Nineveh, they were the enemies of the Israelites. He wanted justice not mercy for them. I used to be so angry when I caught the message of God's grace...a person could be rotten and mean and cruel and abusive and do unspeakable acts and yet. . . when hearing the message of the Gospel and taking it to heart could claim Jesus as his savior, repent and be forgiven of everything and then, a new man in Christ go on with life, a servant of God. I always thought justice would not be served that way. I wanted that for me but not for people who were mean to me and those I loved. I have been gradually worked on and know that my way is not God's way (boy is that for sure and am I glad of that) and I know that as each of the sin's for which we are forgiven is pulled out of our baggage, confessed to and repented for, I know each of those sin's is forgiven and forgotten by God. I also know that each of them rolls through our heads and humbles us in enormous ways...there is regret and that in my mind sometimes is the justice. To see ourselves as God did when we were committing those sins is so painful......

Catch up with Jenny

I am still a Jenny kind of girl....to date I have lost almost 17 pounds. Yeah, I know, it's been forever and I am moving along at glacial speed but I am still forging on. I now go every two weeks and I am not buying as much food but I still try to keep the boundaries that I have been told will succeed. Calories Calories Calories. Yes. I'm afraid the truth is that the Calories count and the truth will set me free.

I saw a picture of me at our Post Labor Day bash and Thank You God that I was losing weight then because.....beached whale or what?

A little fat humor. It's amazing the difference between what I look like in my head and what occurs in pictures...........

Check ya later......

Psychobabble and Family members

I have a revelation which I have to write down or forget. My late brother( the oldest since they’re all late) had a never ending dispute with my late Father. They never got through that Oedipus thing, I think. One of my brothers foolish stories that only got more detailed as years went on concerned a dinner scene. He was an only child at the time which meant he was four or younger. He spilled milk and claims my father slapped him im the face very hard. My mother got angry and said she was taking her son and leaving him. She didn’t. My brother never forgave either of them. I can’t imagine either of my parents hitting anyone. They would never hit a child. A glass of spilled mild always warranted loud voices, a slap on the table, a quick jump to get towels or sponges or whatever. He enhanced the scene tp make himself the innocent victim and my father the dastardly villain and my mother the hapless heroine who, if she had the money, could have taken her son and had a better life.

A lot of years were spent developing and polishing and nurturing that fairy tale and with each telling the characters were even more innocent, villainous and helpless. My brother never lived in the real world. He was always so insecure and unsure of himself. He created a personality for himself that was cartoonish and silly. He was one of the characters in a Mike Hammer paperback, he was Tony Soprano, he was invincible but really . . he was a little boy at a dinner table being humiliated in front of the woman he loved by a man he saw as his rival. From that time he created scenes that would avenge his honor and dreamed of revenge. He carried that with him all of his life. He was so sad.

I hope the Lord has him in group therapy and maybe by the time I get there he will at last have grown past that four year old we all had to live with for over 65 years. PS I loved him so much anyhow.

Strife and Division

Just read an editorial by the Anchoress regarding the Pope's speech which has sparked outrage. The speech has sparked the outrage, not the editorial. What doesn't spark outrage with those people? See where I am? I'm using a "those people" phrase. I guess that phrase distances me from them... there is no we right now only us and them. Well. I guess the press has worked it's magic. There is no news in a strife free world. Strife must be created. There can be no strife in a unified community. We must be separated and different from each other so that there is better and worse, righter and wronger, richer and poorer, haves and have not. You get it. If there was no threat or insult in the Pope's words....then pull them out of the middle of the message and create one. Having read the speech and knowing where the Pope inserted those quotes from the long ago emperor, the press has fomented this strife and the Muslim leaders who are whipping the crowds into a frenzy are very grateful. In my opinion they have been itching to start a brawl here in this country and did try with the silly cartoons. It had no legs. Now, they have the anti-Catholic press and the false assumption that the press speaks for all of us. This might be the one to tip the scales. God Bless Us and Keep Us. He will indeed.

Stuff and Nonsense.

Well, we had a wonderful weekend and here it is - - over. Monday always appears and back to reality. There has been a remarkable flurry of activity in the news. Finally, the real onslaught seems to be starting. Enough of this dictator and nuclear weaponry stuff. Get the religions going because that is really what all of this nonsense seems to be about. All of the masked wonders holding up signs - bowing to islam or slaying the infidels - in perfect English mind you. I loved one commenter who said something like....don't accuse the religion of peace of violence or they'll kill you. Perfect!

Religiosity

Dear Muslims,

Stay away from my religion and I'll stay away from yours. I don't presume to guess what your prophet would say today.....don't make up stories about Jesus.

Thank you


Good Bye

Stuff and Nonsense

Had a major discussioon (read argument) with a liberal co-worker and it concerned this Harvard nonsense and the Kennedy School of government guest speaker on September 10th. First of all my co-worker had not made a connection between the speaker and the date and the event 5 years before. Can anyone be that obtuse? At least he appeared that obtuse. Things went from bad to worse when he started with the right wing religious lunatic stuff and the W talking to God when he signed the veto of the embryonic stem cell research. I was bored and exhausted with the rote repetition of the learned opinions the left has imposed on the willing and so was not as energized as usual. I brought up the money factor of the stem cell thing. . . why not let private funds take care of the problem? Oh, no one will. Why not? No chance of real success. So grab the federal funds which are a deep and never ending resource. Get rich quick? Snake oil? No, embryonic stem cells. All of these malcontent former Catholics still angry with Mommy and Daddy have to come to some reconciliation or explode their heads with all the nonsense being jammed in.

I'm done. Thanks for listening.

Odds and Ends

Still sad but on the road to recovery. A lot of friends, like me, will be back this weekend and those that won't we'll see on Columbus Day when they will probably close up shop until Memorial Day. Plans are in the works for some kind of wrap up on that week end. One of the guys wants to do a clam bake, lobsters and all, on the beach. My husband is of course all for that and in the middle of it. Gads. It better not rain.

Meanwhile. There is a touch of fall in the air but only a touch. Yesterday was coolish but today. . humid and warm too. The clothes they are a changin'. Pants, shorts, no pant, no shorts . . . Yikes! Wear both. Terrible problems No?

My niece's son has started school, first grade, and he is so happy so far. It's a small church school, not his church but my niece doesn't care. The classes are small and the religion is solid and not overwhelming so she feels it will just work for his good and I agree with her. When did she develop such wonderful common sense? Not when she stayed with us for all those times as a youngster. Then my husband called her Linda Blair. She did appear to be possessed. Hormones I guess. Now she is a lovely young woman with two beautiful children and she is really working at the whole thing. Bless her and Keep her Lord.

That's my morning and I have to go. Work. Work. Work....Later.

The end of the summer

A week of sad. Labor Day has always been a good bye kind of holiday. Summer is over. Years ago school would be starting after Labor Day. Leave the ocean. Back to the winter house and neighbors and friends and clothes. Get out the shovels. Put Dinty Moore beef stew on the shelf and make sure you have candles, milk and bread before the Northeaster hits.

Now things aren't quite so bad but still . . a lot of neighbors are preparing to depart for the winter. Water is turned off. Windows are sometimes shuttered. The walk to the beach is darker and quieter than ever before. We can back out of our driveway in less than an hour since traffic becomes almost non-existent. It always gives me that fearful feeling of loss and loneliness.

Meanwhile I have to get back to the winter house for at least part of the week to do my duties. At least I'll be back and will spend a day on either end of this holiday to give me a really good long one.

Right now though, I'm sad.

Sew Anyway As I was Saying

Went shopping last night with a friend who is manic in her need to shop. Everything she touches must be tried on and if it fits will be on the counter for purchase. She whizzes through the store in a frenzy and by the time the bill is paid and we’re ready to go I am almost hyperventilating. I try to add up the cost of the stop and shop and lose track because the tag price is never the purchase price. There is a one day special if you are a senior and it’s Wednesday. If you have a coupon from the catalog and have spent more than $100 then you get so much off and if you buy two of one item the second is 30% or 50% or whatever the scratch ticket they handed you at the door says. Don’t scratch it off until you are ready to buy. Good Grief! How does anyone keep track of this stuff and what does it say about the original ticket price? How marked up did it have to be to survive all this nonsense and still make the store a profit? I am signing up for that sewing class and making my own stuff. Of course then I’ll have to go to fabric stores and who knows what contortions they set up in order to make shopping a fun and apparently bargain hunter’s dream experience?

The one thing I know is that if I were to make my own anythings I will know the quality of the item and appreciate its’ value. I knit and have made my own sweaters and this winter I am going to make one for me and one for my hubbie. I also crochet and have made tablecloths and runners and doilies etc. and will be making a few more of those items. I would really love to learn to sew with a machine and overcome my feeling of failure from the ninth grade home economics class when I got my first C. I just couldn’t do anything as neatly and smartly as the teacher wanted me to. I felt awkward and messy and sloppy and that has stayed with me. I am going to do as Abraham was told….leave my home and family and …I am going to leave the feeling I have that I can’t sew and get on with learning how to do so. I can do needlepoint and crewel and cross stitch and I do it beautifully. I can therefore learn to stitch a seam and make a buttonhole and install a zipper.

It’s good to have goals.

Cant stan'em

Here's what I'm sick of......for the past 6 years the press has been pounding their agenda, yes, agenda not news over our heads. Impeach Bush, Viet Nam, quaqmire, there will be a draft, gay marriage, hate speech, (fill in the blanks as long as its a Republican or anyone with common sense) is Hitler. Honestly, give. it. up. Go back to the Pravda school of mind bending and try again. Oh yes there is also the Children and innocent civilians are being torured and traumatized by smokers who are right wing Christians. Gitmo. Sobbing for Castro. Cindy Sheehan and her band of over the hill layabouts who smoked too much pot in the sixties and never got on the new drug of choice whatever that is........oh, I forgot - there's the civil war in Iraq or soon will be or almost could be or Pleeeeeeeze someone start one. Keep the talking heads happy with whatever the new depression of the day should be.. Bird Flu, Global Warming, Mad Cow. I could keep going and will. Obesity, the poor immigrants, profiling, warrantless wiretaps, OHMIGASPUMP the oillllllllllllllllllll prices. Pleeeeeeeze let the windfarms into the Atlantic, save the manatees and STOP spraying the mosquitoes.

I'm sick of every tree hugging nonsensical manipulation the press and their minions push at us every minute of every day as they attempt to destroy our world. Somehow they must think that whatever world remains, they will be in charge of it and that will make everything OkeyDokey since they are the most brilliant and caring individuals in the universe.

Bleeeecccccchhhhhh and Pffffffft to all of them.

Truth or Consequences

I know. I know. I said two posts for yesterday. Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire. That's all I have to say about that. I heard on the radio this morning that breaking your promise is the same as a lie. Yikes. It's funny but I always thought that a lie was a deliberate falsehood told to either protect yourself or someone else or it could be a deliberate falsehood meant to harm someone. I never really thought that breaking your promise was a lie. As a younger person a promise to be somewhere with someone was good as long as there was nothing better to do. It was stated that a promise is a promise. It doesn't melt when a better offer appears. Now that throws that situation into a whole new light. During that radio sermon it was also said that breaking your word is a lie. Not paying your bills is a lie. Liars are dealt with very severely. It was also said that lies are sometimes blessed. When the Jewish midwives in Egypt were told to kill all the new born baby boys and they lied to Pharoah saying the Jewish women were so lively that the babies were born before the midwives arrived, God blessed them. Also when Rahab lied to protect Joshua's spies she was placed in the honor roll of the faithful. Both of these lies were in effect, civil disobedience. God stresses that we must obey civil orders. The law of the land is to be obeyed whether we like it or not as long as it is not in violation of God's law.

I must go ponder. We are surrounded by lies 24 7 in our high tech world. Not misunderstandings but deliberate falsehoods told to make a situation look better or grimmer than it is. Lies, lies, lies. Not marketing or advertising or spin. Lies.

I am off to the showers, work and hopefully a day of truth.

Pray for me.

In which I attend a concert

More time flies by around here. I am always amazed at the date or the time of day. Where did it all go? I used to say that there is nothing of any importance to report on but so much trivial detail that I'm exhausted thinking about it.

Some of my huge adventures did involve life outside of the usual rut. We went to a concert a week ago and saw Natalie MacMasters, a Celtic fiddler and step dancer. WOW....she is amazing. Within a 5 minute period she had the whole audience on their feet and clapping and moving around. Just joyful. Then Del McCrory(sp) and his bluegrass music took over and that was followed by Bela Fleck and the Flecktones. Just fabulous, each and every one. I am in awe of such talent and the ability to be transported by the music as each of the artists can be. What a gift.

I have to fly right now and hit the morning commute to get to the office and then meetings, meetings, meetings but then some down time and I plan to post twice today. We'll see.

Have a good morning.

A Sad and Hot and Lighter Week

Wow! It's been a week since I wrote anything. I've thought about it but, and now here's the list of excuses no reasons why I have not written. Heat for one thing. Great swooping cranes it has been HOT. Humid too I might add. My house has window unit air and I only turn it on when I get home from work and by the time the comfort zone hits I'm asleep on the couch. My friends mother passed away last Monday. Quick wasn't it? That's not a bad thing at 95. Feel fine until 2 weeks before you pass on then have a pain, go to the hospital for tests, develop pneumonia, overcome that and die in your sleep after you saw your entire family and told them you love them. I vote for that.

My other friend's mother who also had a back pain is doing fine. A pulled muscle and she's also 95. So there's that.

The wake and funeral were on Friday and Saturday and I had some of the family at my house. There you have the reasons I did not write.

I learned a number of things during this hot sad time. I'm still mulling them over and will write later this week. Funny. I have such coherent and logical discussions in my head and then when I try to organize and write it down....what a difference.

Yes! If you're interested. I did lose weight again....almost two pounds so here we have an almost 8 pound weight loss. I honestly thought I wouldn't be able to do this. I sincerely hope I can keep going. As I look back on my health issues a doctor's visit lingers in my memory. He was reviewing my blood work over the past few years. I go twice a year for work ups and he pointed to one that was outstanding. "Whatever you were doing back here," he said, "Do it again. Your results were amazingly good." Well I was going to Jenny and losing weight. I must really change my ways and keep this healthy eating going since I want to be just like my friends' mothers and be going strong at 95.

Now I must get on with my day and you with yours. Have a lovely one.

YAY!!!!!!

DOWN - Yes, the scale went DOWN! Hallelujah Hannah. Only a pound but honestly after the bloating and puffing up of the appendages on Sunday thanks to Saturday's festival, I was so grateful for that pound. I am motivated to go on for another week. I have to say that I feel better, I think I already said that right? I'm sorry it's the age thing. I do feel better though and my bras are not so tight. Yeah I know that's not a great thing in the feminine pulchritude world but it translates to the undergarments are not stopping the breathing. Well. On with the show and hoping for more downers in the future.

Weigh in Day

Well, today I must face the music of a Summer Cookout and who knows how many glasses of wine. Face it I will since that's the new me. I'm hoping for no gain...that will please me. A gain will stab but I will have to fess up that it was earned. That pulled pork thing that my man made was too good not to eat but boy howdy did it ever swell up the foot and fingers....I'll be blaming the gain on water weight. I was good all week otherwise and will be the week coming and so .. slow but steady wins the race. My grandmother told me that years and years ago and I didn't like it then, still don't but it is so true. Maybe that's part of what God wants. Submit to Him and His laws. His laws include gravity, water retention and sodium intake as well as slow but steady wins the race. I always knew that submit would be loving your enemy and turn the other cheek. Now I see that it is ever so much wider than that. I prayed to the Lord to expand my horizons and here it is. Submit Gemma for you will surely regret not doing so. Funny how everything old becomes new again. Another of those law things....submit. Calories in, calories out, you are what you eat, ya da ya da ya da. Ignore at your peril.

I'll let you know how I fared on the scale....Later.

Summer Cookout

Yesterday, my husband and one of his friends held a cookout. They each love to cook. I mean LOVE to cook. They each also love to cook in HUGE quantities. I mean, after all, if something comes out so wonderfully well why not have enough for 50 or so to have seconds or thirds or . . .

Well, yesterday was a pulled pork barbecue, North Carolina style. If you're like me, you love to eat this stuff. You don't need the history of it, the recipe wars that exist around it, the styles and nuances of it. Put it on a platter and hand it over. Yum. These two guys, hubby and friend, when they begin a project such as we had yesterday, become solid, know everything experts and can debate for days the advantages of a vinegar sauce over a whatever. On and on and on. The end result was that the long smoked pork butt(s) were unbelievably good, fed 25 and we have enough left over to do it again Sam.

It really was a good time. Each guy got to invite 4 other couples and they decided to ask people who don't normally socialize together so everyone got to know new folks. It really worked well. Fortunately all of those people also loved to eat. Everyone brought a side dish or appetizer or desert and what a feast we had. Best part? The guys took care of it all. We two wives just stood back and did our very best to keep out. Of course we did the run and fetch thing when asked but basically they both did it. They invited and co-ordinated and shopped and best of all, cooked. Why didn't we do this years ago?

Neither of my friends whose mothers are ill were able to come and that was the one cloud over the day. The back pain for one is merely a pulled muscle, thank God. My other friend's mother is still holding her own but they say it's only a matter of days. All of my friend's siblings are pulling together and thanking God for the years they have all shared with their mother and the time they now have to care for her and each other. God is so good.

My Friends' Pain

This has been a strange week so far. My two dear friends have elderly mothers. Their mothers are both in their mid 90's and live on their own. Each is as sharp as, actually sharper than, a 20 something. They are both women who have enormous variety in their interests and who care for themselves very well. Each this week has suffered a medical moment. One had a back pain which, upon investigation, was caused by a mass on some internal organ. That mass is malignant and way down the road. Pneumonia has set in in just a short time and although that is on the wane she is being sent home with hospice and the family has been told it's not for long. My other friend's mother also has back pain but she is still home and nursing herself. That friend is so worried that the pain is caused by something more than a pulled muscle that she can't sleep and is wild that her mother refuses to seek medical attention.

Which dear friend is suffering more? The one who knows for sure or the one imagining? I pray for both and see why both situations cause pain and both pains are real and different and the same. Lord help me help them help us all. My husband, who I know in my heart has a deep childlike faith but won't admit it, said the strong faith of the mother with the malignancy will mean that she is handling the situation better than any of her children. I thank God for giving me a glimpse of my husband's core.

Bless us all and carry us through the day ahead.

Help with Salvation

I just read a post by an orthodox christian and I realized what an infant in Christ I am....... I am a Protestant, tried and true and a believer in Sola Scriptura. I know that praying without ceasing is what I should be doing and I try. I know the Holy Spirit will take over when my words and pleadings fade. I pray to the Father. I have great respect and awe for the Mother of God, Mary but I honestly have never prayed to her except during a Catholic Mass and I attend those for funerals, weddings and christenings. Remember, I am from Boston and I am not Catholic. Never say that I don't know what it is to be a minority.

I just read about salvation through praying and I am so confused. I guess the poster meant that we pray that the subject be brought to Christ and be saved but somehow it read as if merely by praying to Mary the subject would be saved. Why would you not just pray to the Father through the Son and there you are..... Help me with this. I thought Jesus was my High Priest and Intervenor..... what's this about?????

A Real Downer

Yes! Victory! Well for a week at last. Jenny was very very good to me. Down 5 pounds. Actually down 5.2 pounds and that's the most weight I have ever lost in a brief time. Now for the real weight loss which begins this week. I often said that if I would only stop my glass or two of wine each evening that would cause a major ripple in the fat world. That and less food have really worked. I have to say that I feel better. I have a foot that swells up when I walk past a salt shaker and that foot? She has remained her normal puffy size. My rings fit in the morning. This fluid retention thing seems to calm down when the diet returns to normal. This time I must retain the lessons of healthy eating.

So. It's on with the show. The lettuce growers love it when I buckle down.

I truly must give credit where it belongs and just as when I quit smoking I would thank God every morning for another day to come which would be smoke free, so I will do that now. Thank you God for guiding me through this coming day and keeping me on a diet that will provide me with good health and a smaller body size.

Have a wonder filled day.

Dieting Dilemma

Well, I have made it through two days. That includes a night at the ball game. Thank heavens it was the hottest night on record and the mere thought of food roasted me even further. The water, expensive as it was, was cold for about ten minutes. Between the body heat and the heat heat, well, it heated up. My husband was talking about going to Sharper Image or Brookstone and buying a personal air conditioner. He said that you hang it around your neck and it blows cold air at you. Could this be true or is he putting one over on me? I haven't looked that up yet because I really didn't think about it 'till now but that night I would have sent him to the store for one if he could have gotten back into the park. I must check it out and see if he was stringing me along.

Anyhow. .

Here I am after lunch, at work and still on the straight and Jenny narrow. I feel ten pounds thinner already. I had a doctor's appointment today which got cancelled by the doctor for a change. I would have gone, stepped on the scale and faced the music.....honest! By a stroke of luck, the doc can't make it and it has been rescheduled for a month from now. I will then get on the scale, weigh what I did a year ago (having lost maybe 10 pounds) I will be so proud of myself and I will get a lecture about losing the weight I said I would lose a year ago. I will then have to confess to the weight gain and loss or shut up and promise that next year things will be different. Oh what a dilemma. Even more of dilemma is spelling dilemma.....how wierd that word looks.

I have a month to sort out all of the above and pray that I do lose ten pounds so that I don't have to explain what I have done with my piggy self.....I love food. I love wine. I love company. I love gatherings with all of the previous and don't tell me it isn't about the food, it's about the conversation. Everyone I know talks about food, cooking it, buying it, eating out, eating in, when they aren't doing those things they are watching the food channel. . .

Life is Good!

Jenny Welcomes Me Back

Well, I gave up. Yes. I did. I called Jenny Craig and crawled back with my tail between my legs. If I had one, that is. I went back dammit and leaped on that scale. 13 of the 18 pounds I lost 4 years ago are back. I thought it would be worse than that so I am only semi miserable. As Scarlett O'Hara so aptly put it, "As God is my witness, I'll never weigh more than this again." I'm actually relieved that I did it and it's over and now I just need to get through this week. I have decided that I can always lose 20 pounds (although I didn't 4 years ago did I) so my first goal is 10 pounds. Then I will see what the next ten look like. I really don't expect to be a slim and vibrant teen ager - I never was that to begin with. Ten pounds right about now would really make a difference to me and my clothes and getting through the heat of what's left of the summer and there is a lot of heat left to this season. The only problem with the Jenny thing is the social life thing and the summer. I WILL DO IT (at least for the first week) One week at a time as they say. I'll let you know next Monday how much less of me there is.

Growing Sideways

On my morning walk I did what I usually do which is to thank God for letting me live here even if it is just part time at the moment. I marvel at all of the birds singing. A cardinal was perched on a roof singing his little heart out and it made me think of my dad. A butterfly flitted by and I thought of my mother. Gigantic and blue blue blue hydrangeas abound. They are bigger and bluer than ever this year. We think it's the heavy rain all spring, we being myself and I. I spotted a spindly pine tree growing almost sideways and realized it was trying to reach the sun. That made me think of people who know what they need to thrive. They have to reach their sun and often, to do so, they have to grow sideways and reach out of the crowd shadowing them. They are often looked at as anomalies. They have their own music and dance to it. Or is it march to it. Whatever. I thought that would be a great book title. Whatever it takes to reach the sun. or the light. or . . . . my walk finished too soon. I'll ponder this tomorrow. Have a wonderful Monday even if it's hazy hot and humid as it is here. . it's summer after all.

Greedy Grabbers

Back to local events here in Massachusetts. The Big Dig is a national project. Taxpayers all over this country had the honor of paying for the largest urban traffic project known to the United States. Lots of people got rich. A "Big Dig Estate" is a catch phrase around these here parts. Don't rock the boat if you know of a problem. Kerry, our fearless senator, used the Keep the Money Flowing phrase. Now, a woman was killed in one of the tunnel when a ceiling panel, 3 tons of concrete worth, let loose and collapsed the passenger side of the car she was riding in. Her husband driving was able to crawl from the wreckage and who knows how he is able to get through the next hour of his life not to mention the next day.

Here we have the door opened on a project that cost 15 billion dollars. The chairman of the project and the turnpike system which also controls the airport security that failed is refusing to resign as requested by just about everyone in the state. The last chairman to leave left after 9/11. She left a very wealthy woman. This guy won't be leaving until all the pressure he can bring to bear has been brought to buy him a healthy overstuffed paycheck. The shredders will not be running until he has those assurances from everyone whose hands were in the bag of goodies that the Big Dig brought to the king pins here in Massachusetts. I feel like we are in the middle of a Sicilian town centuries ago. The mob is searching for some victims to feed the unwashed masses so they will all settle down and return to paying the tribute.

Egad what a nasty greedy snarled up mess. And that's just the elected representative group. Their associates are legion, and vote; thus the return of the worst of the worst to office.

My Great Aunt Alice

This morning is again, hot humid hazy and more than likely by the time I finish this.....rainy. I am reminding myself of one of my great aunts, that's great as in my father's aunt not great as in what a swell gal although she was very kind. This particular great aunt kept little diaries and in them she would jot down the weather and her events of the day. I read through one of those little gems and it was a lot like this:

Rainy today. Hot. Opened a window. Too humid to walk downtown. Swept the kitchen floor. Sarah stopped in with a letter from Olga. We had tea and ate the sugar cookies I baked yesterday.

She would have kept a blog like this probably. If she knew that her audience were large enough, two or three, she would have told everyone about the family tree, she loved that sort of thing. A connection to the Tufts family was her huge claim to fame. A cousin of mine spent forever trying to sort that out since some obscure by law in the early beginnings of Tufts University provided for tuition to all descendants of the founder. I'm not sure he ever managed to connect the dots.

Well, Aunt Alice, I hope you can see your impact on me. It's lasting.

More Is Never Enough -- MINE

And now that that YAY is out of my system, on with the show. Whatever the show may be..... I was so disturbed to read about the taking of land in Piscataway NJ. Eminent domain be damned. This Socialistic bent that our country is swaying toward is so crappy. The only people who make out with the socialistic re-distribution stuff are the people with power. Haven't we seen that people who become "public servants" make out so much better than the rest of us who actually have to rely on performance of the company or individual effort for bonuses or whatever else is rewarded to make for a better life. Raises don't come automatically, bonuses don't come at all unless the world is working in the right direction for the entire company. Public servants seem to breeze through the world with nary a care. Life is merely a matter of raising property taxes and maybe overriding the laws that keep the taxes in place so that we all can survive.

Now it seems those "public servants" can decide that your home or land is not something that you should keep. They know that the world will be a better place (for them) if you are ousted from the spot you saved for and sweated to pay for and thought was yours. It's not. I would love Socialism too if I were one of those Commissars in charge who could line his or her pockets with whatever used to be someone else's and now is mine. Remember the definition of mine......More Is Never Enough.

YAY Gemma

First of all I am so proud of myself for posting in a continous manner. YAY gemma! good for me.

Fine and Dandy thanks and you?

Oddly enough, I am feeling fine. I say oddly since it IS odd to feel fine. I am usually anxious, stressed, bored, defeated, depressed, sad, etc etc and so forth. Fine is new. Fine in that I am none of those things I just streamed on about. I must admit that I have that way off in the distance cloud of guilt that could overwhelm me at any moment. You know the one. It's out there, there's no reason for it but the lift of an eyebrow, someone stopping talking as you walk into the room, a comment about something missing.........whatever, any of those can start it up.

I was telling a friend that when a call comes in from a certain party I can feel my stomach churn and all the acids in my body work their way up to my throat. I become paralyzed with unknown angst and panic. Unknown because I know there's no reason to have those feelings but it's uncontrollable. It's like when I was a kid and was told that someone in authority wanted to talk to me. It was always, in my head, because I did something wrong. I would run through everything I had ever said, done, thought and would , in my head, vow to never do, say or think such bad things ever, ever again. Nine times out of ten that person in authority would want to talk to me for completely simple things. Would I like to join reading club? Could the Brownie meeting be at my house? Would I ask my mother to bake brownies for the Valentine's party? That sort of thing. The walking of the plank never occurred. The stay after school for the rest of your life because you told Margie Scott that Ruthie Lindsay didn't like her....that never happened. Why do I still have that dread and fear of someone in a position of authority calling to speak with me?

Back to fine. I have none of those feelings now. I am fine. I want to stay that way for an hour or two. I like it. Gotta go now while the feeling is still with me.

Hazy, Hot, Humid

Today is a hot, humid and hazy day. Yes, those lazy hazy days of summer. This is one of those. I finished all the laundry yesterday so that chore is behind me. I have to thaw out chicken, buy milk, go to the Christmas Tree Shop for small cocktail size napkins that they sell for $1.99 as opposed to $5.50 elsewhere. What a day, what a day. Last week I was supposed to be on vacation but wound up in the office on Thursday and on a conference call on Friday. Today, I should be working here on an employee manual but since I worked on two of my vacation days, I might cruise on one of my work days this week.

Now that the guilt of not working at home while at home has been somewhat set aside and the rationale for not working being laid on the table, I will get on with my non-work at home day. I will get on with it slowly due to the lazy hazy day that it is.

I just read a blog, A Crafty Madness. I have read this blog for a long time through all of its iterations. Andrea wrote today about reading a book, Witness by Whittaker Chambers and I am currently reading that as well. I have been reading and re-reading it actually. I can only read it for brief periods because he writes so beautifully that I get sucked into the world he lived in and when I stop reading it's like coming up for air after deep sea diving. I have to be put into the compression chamber and re-insert myself into this world. The events he describes are so similar to events that are occurring as I type and the personalities he interacted with are here as well. Everyone drives today's vehicles and dresses differently but the character traits....They are the same. When will people stop doing the same foolish things over and over when history shows those things to be unsuccessful?

I'm glad she wrote about Chambers...I have to go back to that book and read on.

Hazy, Hot and Humid is a perfect atmosphere for that.

Awake and Tired

Up since 5:30AM and getting ready to walk at 8:15. Couldn't sleep earlier, obviously. My head doesn't quit at times. I was in a state for myself over the what if's and yeah but's. That live in the moment thing doesn't work for me at 5AM. I am everywhere but here. Now, it's 7:39 my time and I am so exhausted that I could crawl back into bed and sleep for several hours. The problem with that being, the dog. He is so big and sprawled that I have no place to crawl back to.

The Mexican Left the Building

In which I point out similarities between Mexico and US. Just read about the election in Mexico and the results which were that the conservative won. I also read about what a clean and upright election it was, how the group in charge of such clean elections did a wonderful job and present to the world a model of democracy in action. This followed by the outraged sobbing of the left in that country claiming fraud and boo hooing that the candidate on the left will NEVER concede until he is pronounced the winner at which point the other guy had better clear out. When did I miss the part that AlGore/JohnKerry were campaign managers for the loser. Wait and see how many here in this part of the world are tsk tsking that Mexico would be dealing with the election in this way. I mean. The votes have been counted. The election was clean. One man wins. One man loses. I guess though, those communist wannabees south of the border are going to run the press as they do here and turn the country into turmoil and a quagmire. How can they not since it appears to have worked here to a certain degree.

Later

Sit on My side of the gym

I am so sick of the whole world being run like my family is or did or does. I always called it the bleacher principle. That's where it doesn't matter whether you're right or wrong, what matters is how many people are on your side. In my family we have often had disputes of all sorts. I have a ton of first cousins, aunts, uncles, neices and nephews. Over the years we have all had some words and disagreements and the winner of whatever the dispute was or is was never the one who was right but the one with the most people on his or her side. Now that is just stupid, wrong and ridiculous. There is, whether we want there to be or not, a right and a wrong. Right doesn't become wrong because no one is sitting on that side. But we really prefer for Mandy to be ok because whenever we had a party she always brought the greatest crab dip so whatever the issue is she has to be right because Doreen just can't cook so how can she be the better person....................................fu

Sunshine and clouds

And now for a mid-week crisis.

Fabulously to this point there is none. I am taking an unexpected two days off from work and i am torn between running through the sprinklers screaming, "I'm Free!!!" and curling up in a fetal position to deal with the anxiety and guilt. What if I didn't do something critical that needed to be done by noon on Wednesday and it can only be done from my desk at the office? What if, what if, what if? What in anyone's name is wrong with me?

Enough of that. Cease. Desist. I could create a crisis from that stuff.

I read blogs everyday, I think I told you, and on Monday read that Rob Smith, aka Acidman, aka Gut Rumbles had passed away. I had emailed him a couple of times following his trip to rehab. He reminded me of my late husband and brother. They both had "issues" with alcohol. When Rob wrote about trouble sleeping I sent him some info that I remembered from when my husband had trouble. I got an email back, Rob thanked me. I was so impressed with that. All the mail he got and comments he had to read and he had the time to answer my silly email about how not sleeping was common. Later, he wrote about some other troubles and I commented again. Again he wrote back. I am really going to miss him. I pray for his family to feel the strength of God's hands holding them as they move through their pain.

As the song says, "The sun will come out tomorrow" we just don't know which tomorrow it might be. It will come out though and the world will be different for each one of us walking on it. Bless you all and I hope you are having a sunny day.

Finally the rain passes on

Noah would have felt at home here. Rain, rain, go away, come again some other day. That was the chant of the week end. My cousin and her fam arrived in the middle of the downpours on Saturday. Her daughter is to be married in September 07 and they were researching places for the ceremony and reception. It was pouring, not just raining, when they arrived. My cousin's son had been married just a month ago and on that day it poured too.

It has been raining on weekends for the past two months. Living in a vacation area it really affects everybody's mood. The weekenders for sure are very gloomy. Those who arrive on a Saturday afternoon for the week or two are usually ok because they can wait, for a while, a short while for the sun. The rain doesn't stop anybody or any event since time is short. We went to the annual Chowder Festival Sunday. Other than watering down the samples it really stopped no one. The crowds might have been thinner but you could have fooled me. It was hard to move with the crush of people and no one seemed to want to crowd under the very small pavillions to escape the rain.

The rain remained all day. It let up from time to time but mainly stayed on the plain and rained. We had company for the weekend (what's new?) and rather than eat out on the patio where there's elbow room we crushed into the kitchen and managed. Then as the company departed we changed (again) into dry clothes and watched TV non-stop. We rarely do that but we indulged.....we watched a series on On Demand called Epitafio. English sub-titles. Really captivating. We watched almost the whole first season. It's a good one. Watch if you can.

I of course fell asleep in the middle. Hubby watched on and when he woke me to go to bed told me that he would make the ultimate sacrifice for me and watch again the episodes I missed. I love him.

So we had a swell, if wet, weekend and now, Monday, the sun is out. Of course it is. Have a glorious Monday and I hope your weekend was weekendical. God Bless.

A Wonderful Memorial Mass

One of my late brothers had a live in significant. She adored him and took very good care of him. She really did the in sickness and health thing even though they never did the vows. I'm not sure my brother, vows or no vows would have reciprocated but I never had to find that out so moving right along. His girl invited me to a memorial service that her boss orchestrates every year for employees who have lost a loved one or for employees who have passed away. It was on a college campus in the chapel and it was yesterday. It was so moving and such a wonderful service. There were many many names on the list of those for whom the Mass was said. The priest stood aside and the head of the company, a man of 83, got up and read the names. He had something to say about each and every person and in many cases the departed was a relative of an employee, not an employee yet he had a loving and personal anecdote to relate and to ask for God to look after them in ways each would need. What a confluence of emotion. My brother's memory, his grieved mate, all of the mourning attendees and their memories, the admiration I felt for this man of 83 and his ability to touch each of us. No wonder that man is such a success in the world. He's here and enjoying it but he kept reminding us all that every name he read has gone home and so he knows where home is.

The priest spoke a homily about the college motto, it's Light and Hope, in Latin of course. He was also sincere and drew us all in. He is the youth pastor at the college and if I had met him all those years ago and if I were a lad instead of a lass I would have heard my name called and signed up for the seminary. As it was I mulled over the convent but not being Catholic would be a bit of a hurdle and having a husband could prove cumbersome. Oh well. The lost dream thing.

I thought that I would be a puddle by the end but instead I was lifted up and all that grief and boring and old feeling of before. Why that be gone. . .Hallelujah!


I have been praying and the prayer of Jabez has come to mind. I love the Bless me Lord part and I am fervent when I ask the Lord to hold me in his hands and let no harm come to me...I will ask the same for all in my circle. Bless you all.

Poor Me

I have come to the conclusion that I am old and depressed and bored and yes, I know only boring people get bored so therefore I am boring too. Oh poor pitiful me. I have a close acquaintance who has made a career out of being a victim and it has been working for her. I think it's time to do the same. She always has a sympathetic shoulder somewhere and a come to dinner you poor thing why should you be alone and lonely. Gads....I am so sorry for me. I'm broke too. Everyone I run into has $$$ and stuff and glamor and busy things and they're just coming back from the Keys or they're just going off to Acapulco or blah, blah, blah. Here I am. I think about working a second job but I have no energy so I just don't shop.

Do you think those people I run into are real or just making up fantasy tales of the life they would like to have and they watch my spirits fall with each new glorious adventure they have recently had or are planning to.....................

Later

Put up or Shut up

I just read about Saddam's trial in Iran and it seems the judge has suspended it for a week and has given the defense one last chance to get their act together. My favorite part is where he warns them to STOP making allegations without substantiation. I wish that he would talk to the press and certain politicians in this country.......I am worn out with all the nonsense in the news and those puffed up faces in front of the cameras and microphones and NO I am not talking about GW or any of his administration. I am talking about the Kerry's and the Kennedys and the McKinney's and the etc etc and so forths....oh yeah the Schumers and the Reids and those others of their ilk who --- oh hell, you know the drill. We used to say in the old days, "Put up or shut up." I wish they would.....put up truth.

Main Stream Madness

Just look at how much time has gone by.....the news still blows. Now Al Gore is out to save the planet but there seems to be a bit of dissension over that global warming thing. Hmmm. Some scientists are actually being scientific and using facts and stuff to say that Mr Gore's over the top wild eyed ravings might not be entirely accurate. What happens? Those scientists are accused of "Swift Boating" Mr. Gore. Oh well, that swift boat stuff....what's up with that....catch someone in a fantasy and say so and

Main Stream Madness

Well the news on TV and radio just blows. I don't know what it is, maybe the fact that the people who write that stuff think that we are all so easily manipulated. It's amusing to a certain extent. Once you realize that you are being manipulated to a certain mindset, opinion etc. then all the attempts, "nuanced" as they are, are really clumsy and heavy handed. The more we resist their persuasive techniques, the heavier handed they become. I'm reminded of the elementary school child determine to make you get as wild eyed as he concerning some tale or other. If it's a fender bender at the corner of the street it turns into a multiple wreck with possible fatal injuries, fire trucks and ambulances along with any number of official uniformed personnel. The longer he goes on, the more fantastic the story. Whatever it takes to get the desired response. Be as overwhelmed as he....if not, the story escalates. That child has grown into a headline writer at AP or CBS or the New York Times....whatever... and his methods have remained the same.

Endurance

I have been very lazy lately but that's no excuse. Discipline is the answer. Write and write and write, right? Right! So here I am writing. I have to say that the effort of writing is therapeutic.

Lazy is for sure since I wrote that on the 27th and here it is later and I still have zip zero nada. I am having a little matchgirl kind of day and I believe that I am my mother's daughter after all. I am "blue" I am "out of sorts" I am all those things my mother would say instead of saying the D word. We never get depressed and yet............................

Sighs and moans are helping me and they sure do keep me in isolation. No one would want to push through this wall of blue funk. Well, I must get on with my lackluster life and slog through the muck and mire ahead. I did read Hebrews this morning...only 4 more chapters to go. The Bible is always helpful.....I also heard some conversation, on the radio about 1st Peter....maybe 2nd but Peter anyway and they were talking about enduring. Picture the little burro laden with whatever on both sides> The packs are larger than he but he endures and moves to his goal....good little burro. Sigh. I will endure and

Tomorrow I will read this and feel ashamed of myself for not recognizing all of the blessings the Lord has showered on me and for the fact that, in times of difficulties, He has stood by my side and often carried me through.

I am a blessed and foolishly human child of God. Please Father help me to endure with joy.

Monday

I had a roller coaster weekend as far as emotions were concerned. Everything twanged my heartstrings. I watched Tammy Faye go through chemo yesterday and I sobbed. I watched that depression hurts commercial and when the dog is sitting there with the ball in her mouth, I sobbed. Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt sent me to the Kleenex box as I watched that As Good As It Gets (I think that's the name). Now here I am, Monday morning, wrung out, exhausted and purged of tears. I hope anyway.

We had blue skies and snow. The weather was as whacked as I. I stopped recording all I ate, at least for the past couple of days and what a surprise!!! I gained back the two pounds I lost. If I weren't so predictable I would have to cry some more.

Spring can't come soon enough. I hope it brings that breath of fresh beginnings and hopscotch that it always used to. I am going to plant things. I want tomatoes and clematis and daffodils with tulips and iris and impatiens. Bring. It. On.

Off I go now to laundry and vacuuming. Wish me luck!

OK

Well the two headed cat never reappeared but I spent most of the night deciding whether or not to split the cost of season's tickets to a series of musicals. What the hell? I don't know but all I did all night long as I slept was to go over and over the different musicals involved, the seats in the theater, the cost, whether to charge it or let my friend charge it and pay half. I'm exhausted and never once got to see any of the shows. Oklahoma was one and although I sang along with my friend to the big song we never got to the theater. Hope you have a happy one. I'll be humming Oklahoma O K L A H O M A OklahooooooooooooooooooooooooMA!

Two Heads and all

Now here's a good morning. First of all my husband called and the electric bill at our other house, the one I will move to eventually, has dropped.Yes. Dropped. Nothing in this world ever costs less but our electric bill came in under the bar set by the month before. YAY!!!

Even more good news. As my cardiologist says (I love saying that, my cardiologist. It makes me feel so New York for some reason. Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't be New York for anything but there is a certain sophistication about it that I feel I lack. Having my own cardiologist makes me more sophisticated albeit a sophisticate in need of a cardiologist might lack some.....but I digress) As my cardiologist says, my weight loss program is moving along at glacial speed. For the past two weeks I have lost a few tenths of a pound. Yes, my scale shows tenths of a pound. I had to have it.....it's the only way I can feel successful as I move towards my goal. My total recorded loss is 1 and 1/10th of a pound. Laugh if you will. I am delirious.

After my rude awakening I never thought I would have two good things in a row before breakfast. I woke up in the middle of a dream.. Let me tell you about it. Blah blah blah followed by a planter with sleeping kittens. The blah part of the dream is not the part to talk about but the kittens. There were two bunches of them and I reached into the planter to pick them up one at a time. The first was clingy with claws digging in everywhere and an odd look that made me think he or she would attempt to climb up my face and hold on. I put that one down. The next was a gray tiger with orange on his or her back..I picked it up and was startled at how heavy it was. You know how you expect kittens to be air balls, well this one was a lead bottom. I put it down and reached for the other. Imagine my surprise to see a tail in the middle of it's back. There it was shaped like a comma, short and curved, right in the middle of its back. As I picked it up higher and put my hand under what I though was its hind end I spotted the other head. Yes. A two headed cat with a tail in the middle of its back. What's that about???? Let me tell you how fast I woke up....very.

If you know what that could mean let me know, unless of course it's not a good thing.


Have a lovely Wednesday.......................

Annoyance

I just thought of something else that annoys me, not as much as it did when it first happened but I'm older now, more mature, growing in wisdom or some such thing. This particular annoyance occurred many years ago. I had graduated from college and had taught sixth grade for one year. I had decided that I would not return to teaching elementary school and would take the summer off. I moved to my parents summer home near a beach and since I had opted to receive my check for the teaching year on a monthly basis, I did not seek employment. I lolled and let the currents take me where they would. They did and by the end of the summer I needed to find a job.

I applied to every single thing I could think of and here comes the annoyance. Every application asked for previous jobs and what you had learned at each. Teaching was not the problem but filling in the jobs prior to that included chambermaid and laundromat attendant. Well what the hell - I was always one to take literally any direction and proceeded to detail the learning experiences each of those employments had provided. Cleaning toilets and polishing the chrome of the bathroom was something I had never done until the chambermaid experience came my way. Separating whites from colors and the proper use of bleach was another. Gads -- the interviews were not forthcoming......and in each case I was told that my attitude needed some work. Learning experiences of the personal development kind were more what they sought in that area of the application. Well hell! Say so! That is annoying.

Just sayin'

Another Reason I Love My Husband

My husband loves that I have this blog. I now run here and blurt out my irritation as opposed to taking him to the mat. I in turn love my husband because, for one thing, as many times as I have taken him to the mat over something as ridiculous as the way people have begun to speak, he still is here and that is not to be sneezed at as they say.

Later ----

Melting Pot

Is there anything more irritating that this new way of speaking which sounds to me like a cross between a Valley girl and Katherine Hepburn? With teeth clenched, in as nasal a tone as you can force, you sing song your way through conversation. Yikes almighty. It's not bad enough that you can travel from coast to coast, northern border to southern border and whatever shopping mall you wander into is exactly like the one you just left. You have no markers, no visual reference to let you know where you are at the moment. You now have no local dialect to reference your location. Everything looks alike and everyone sounds alike. Men and women are the same, we truly have a melting pot here in this decade. We are just a big puddle of people.

HELP!!!

God's Providence

On the radio this morning was the story of Queen Esther. Yes, the Old Testament. The book a friend of mine said was too old to bother with.....OH! MY! More on that later. For the moment let me tell you what is ringing in my ears and will reverberate the rest of the day and perhaps longer. God's Providence.

God's Providence. As the tale unfolded and perhaps you are very familiar with the tale.....Mordecai was loyal to the king but first to God. Haman, a scheming, evil, ambitious man was next to the king at all times and whispered in his ear. One day at the gate Mordecai overheard a plot to harm the king and told Esther, one of the king's wives also Mordecai's niece. Esther told the king in Mordecai's name, the plot was investigated and the men hung. Mordecai remained a loyal servant to the king without recognition. Haman twisted the truth and plotted and became the king's first trusted man. At this point the discussion of how the story applies to our lives occurred. How unjust that the righteous receive no reward and the wicked prosper. As it developed the righteous did prosper but in God's time. Did we think it coincidence that Mordecai heard that conversation at the gate? Was it happenstance that his niece, a Jewess, was married to the king, not a Jew? God sees ahead and things occur that will come in handy later for His plan. He puts us in situations, puts people in our paths. He knows the future because He is the Creator. We are His Creations. He loves us and yet we worry about the future. We don't know the script, God does. It will all unfold as it should in God's time and in God's way.. All things turn to good for those who love the Lord.

I am leaning on the Lord as I walk the path of the future and trust in His plan for me. As we spend each day striving to please Him we are weaving the tapestry of life in the pattern He has chosen for us and it is good. Each day is only a small stitch but they all are necessary. Things we do, people we interact with, thoughts and moods are all in the works. Do everything with hope and faith. Onward Christian soldiers and so forth. I hope that in my dreary times I remember this.

Ay! Caramba!

Just a quick note to let you know how the enchiladas turned out. Ay! Caramba! and that's all I have to say about that. No kidding. They were not bad at all. The green sauce was soooo very good. The enchiladas needed some work in the filling area. The chicken should be shredded better I think and should have been spiced up a bit. I was too timid first time out. I think too the tortillas should have been corn instead of flour -- maybe. I must say though, for someone without a tad of hispanic anything in my background, surroundings or anywhere nearby, I did ok muchachos!

I Just Don't Care

Well, you know what? I don't care if anyone reads this thing or not. I am doing this for my own reasons and none of those include other people reading. There was a time a while back when there were some viewers and way back when I even had a comment or two. Of course the majority of comments were spammers advertising penis enlargements or some such thing. Anyway, under normal conditions I would hate to have a journal viewed but when you think you are anonymous well hell read away.

Today is a perfectly grand winter day. The sky is blue, the temperature will maybe hit 30 if we are lucky and the snow is still white, except for those spots where my pooch relieved himself. I am enjoying my winter moment. I think it's the sun that makes the difference. Your exposed body parts can turn blue and red and white, freeze and fall off but if the sun is out it's a perfect day.

Later today, hubby and I are going to make enchiladas Verde and do Mexican dances. Well maybe not the dances but the Verde we will be making. I have had a craving for those enchiladas for weeks and watched that Food channel show, Semi-homemade. I think her name is Sandra Lee. She has inspired me. She was talking about some restaurant she loved and always ordered something or other. She decided that she could duplicate those flavors at home and have the whatever's whenever she wanted without having to go out. Man, that is the greatest idea. Think of whatever you crave and then, rather than getting on the plane and returning to Paris or Rome or Tokyo, start the process of attempting to replicate the recipes. We begin today with enchiladas Verde which we LOVE and always order when we go to El Sarape in Weymouth Mass. In anticipation, I have printed every recipe I found on the Net and ordered fresh tomatillos from our local produce guy. I'll let you know how we do. This is our first effort and may take quite a few before we perfect the flavors.......................

Happy Weekend

The Rules

So I like the rules and play by them and things will be fine and as you get older you wonder who ever told you that because really .. are they? fine I mean. Not always and yet you still play by the damned rules and wonder wonder wonder......

So, now that that's clear....Yesterday, at work, I opened the incoming pile of bills to pay. That's basically what I do ... pay bills. I opened a bill which was an overdue parking ticket, three of them actually. I put them to one side and continued on. At the end of the openings I went back to those tickets and checked my old records to see if they might not be paid. Often, things cross in the mail and blah blah then, just as often, bureaucratic hacks sitting in the lofty and job for life positions they hold don't do their jobs but even so they keep their jobs and get raises and fully paid medical and when they retire they get great gobs of pension money BUT I digress......that's a subject for another posting....

I checked those tickets and what do I find? One of the tickets is dated July 1995. Yes. You read me right. Eleven, count them, eleven years old.....the records I keep only go back 9 years...yes, 9 is more than necessary but obviously, I did not count on this particular township keeping their unpaid tickets, or tickets we paid and they never posted or tickets which were never issued but they need extra revenue and what the heck, who can prove they paid something 11 years ago.......

Yes, I had a righteous explosion of outrage about the rules and living by them and doing the right thing and why bother because it seems people can do as they damned well please and after all, that witch Hillary was right about her stupid plantation talk but she meant that we, the foolish tax paying middle class worker bees are the financial slaves and the public sector employees are the overseers and the damned elected politicians are our "massa's". We work and fill the bags with tax moneys and fees and fines and licenses and permits and whatever else they can think of to bleed us dry and when we balk, they threaten to take our property because their high roller friends can make it bigger and better for someone so get back in line and go to work............

Okay. You know where I'm coming from. I exhausted myself with the previous outburst and then called the number on the long long "overdue" ticket to ask if they were really serious about this. The gal who answered said of course they were and I should know there is no statute of limitations on parking tickets and murder. Did I know that? Well the murder part yes but PARKING TICKETS?????? Well, if I did not pay then they would have to impose fines and late fees and interest and penalties the likes of which I could not even imagine. Yikes! Even murderers get an appeal but PARKING OFFENDERS........fuggeddaboudit!!

I hung up feeling bruised and battered by the set for life employed forever never have to worry about a pay raise or paying medical insurance or losing a penny from retirement accounts public serving wench.

I decided to call the town directly and voice my complaint about their policy and being exhausted from my previous outbursts and the tongue lashing I took from the collection clerk, I was rather meek when the Chief of Parking Violations answered. I stated my case, such as it was and to my surprise he told me he would dismiss that ticket.......seeing's how I was so nice and all. Well, maybe the play nice rule worked after all......of course the earlier antics I put myself through probably took a week off my life but you know? That might not be so bad...........Only Kidding...........

Is it True????

I read a lot of blogs, I have been doing so since the election of 2000. You know that election. Funny but I was reading the blogs because I was losing my mind with the twisting of reality and logic the press was going through as they trumpeted Al Gore's right to the presidency.

I am, as you may have guessed by now, a law and order type of gal. I like clear direction. I like rules to live by. I like regulations. I used to work in a group that dealt with rules and regulations. I liked it when a question arose we could go to the book, read the rule and follow it. If you were following the rule you were right. If you were not following the rule you were wrong. Case closed.

When the election of 2000 was bending every rule in Gore's favor I flipped. The deadline for the count was blah but we can move it. The counting must be done by blah but we will move that date. We can decide what a hanging chad is and means and the rules are not meant to be followed when they are turning the results in a direction we don't approve of. My head was exploding with righteous anger.

I feel the Supreme Court made everyone follow the rules. I don't always feel they do but in this case they did. I would have been equally outraged if the Bush camp were doing what the Gore camp was doing. RULES ARE RULES if you don't want to follow them, change them according to the process for change. DON"T DO AS YOU DAMN PLEASE!!!!

OK now to the point. During the blog reading I found many points of view and dove in. I am also (I think) an addictive type and a sponge. I can't imagine a day without my blog tour. I find that journal type blogs are very attractive and there are a few that I must read, not for the enlightenment but for the soap opera pull on my attention. I wonder how he/she is feeling or doing or blah blah blah. I was hooked on one way back when. It was written by a young boy with cancer and lot's of money and living with a foster family and his real parents were in court to bring him back for the money of course but he wanted to stay where he was. There was drama and hanging chads of an emotional variety. It turned out that the whole thing was a hoax. I forget how it was uncovered but it was true and the site disappeared and even though it was not true, I missed it. I enjoyed it like I enjoyed As the World Turns.

Today I am reading, as I said, a couple of journal type blogs and I read them for the voyeur in me. A peek into someone's life, one they allow you, is very satisfying. One blog lately is making me think that it can't be real. This person has an all consuming job, hundreds of e-mails and conference calls and meetings and weekends devoted to meetings and on and on and yet...........Yoga three times a week, therapy of a regular type, ball room dancing classes, woodworking, a partner with children who visit, long romantic weekends away, in vitro fertilization, buying a house, selling a house, a garden, and family turmoil...Yikes! How could it be. Remember, I haven't been reading blogs for very long and this particular one for less than a year and all of the above is within the past year. Oh also in the past couple of weeks a terrible urinary tract infection which required a home visit from a doctor. All this and HOW????

I'm unable to capture the essence in this paragraph or two but when you combine all of the above and try to figure out when she has time to post all of it for our viewing pleasure it makes me wonder (finally) even with the pictures posted to underscore reality and there are pictures.....................How can it be true?