Back Later (get it? - back?)Too Punny.

My back be killin' me. Upon awakening the pain begins. It is a sly kind of pain, one that tingles and jumps like the spark of electricity that occurs as you touch something metal after walking across the rug. Not knowing when the jolt will knock the wind out of you is breath holding - not taking. When that pain leaps into life it can go down your leg or weaken your knee or take away your confidence in standing erect very quickly. It goes as quickly and as elusively as it comes. Once I'm up and moving for a while and certainly after my shower the pain goes back to it's cave for a while. It's always there though, hovering somewhere and you never know when or why it may make a guest appearance. Motrin, you are ever on my mind. I would go for the muscle relaxers but i think they relax way more than muscle unless my brain is a muscle too, hmm, I think I might be on to something. I even have trouble taking those things when my head is right there near the pillow.

A Whirl of a Weekend

The weekend was weddings and funerals and wakes. Interspersed with food of every variety. The services were eclectic and the food was international. We had Thai and Mexican and Italian and Indian foods. The groups of people we mingled with at each event were as eclectic as the foods we ingested.

One crowd at a memorial service for my used to be mother and father in-law consisted of very wealthy friends and neighbors of my late first husband's brother. They were all well heeled as we who aren't say and they all had more than one home and brand spanking new vehicles of the luxury types and diamonds and jewels of all sorts. The women were so well groomed and toned that I felt like an overstuffed laundry bag. Nails were all beautifully manicured and toes were done well also. I sat on my broken and unpainted nails and tried to not gesture in any way at all and if you think I was about to take my shoes off and show those feet to the world, you have another think coming. When all was said and done, they were all pleasant company and once I got past the insecurities I always feel and try not to the afternoon was fine.

The wedding we attended was filled with scholars and alternate life styles and young people striving to thumb their nose at conventional anythings. They were also not as young as they used to be and it was interesting to watch the tug of war that goes on when the rebel meets the reality of the need to earn a living and support a family. Those canvas high top sneakers purchased at the thrift store may not finish off the three piece suit you bought for the big interview but if you wear them both at a social event where you will run into the gang you hung with in college you won't seem quite so middle class and mundane. It might be that no one really gets that you are definitely a Lesbian (note the Capital L) and so you really need to wear a tuxedo with a white tux shirt not tucked in and roll the sleeves up to show off the new tattoo and if that doesn't do it - shave your head and pierce your lip and eyebrow and whatever else is showing. Arm wrestling is always kind of a sure sign as well so be sure to challenge people as you wait for the reception to begin.

Ah Young People. I don't remember being that young ever!!! It was a great and fun time though. The bride was so lovely and the groom so in love. It did my heart good to take that in. Hope you all had a good week end.

One or Many

Quite some time ago I developed a theory about the difference between the Old and New Testament. In my infantile pea brain I proclaimed that in the Old Testament God dealt with entire populations. People were not so much individuals as crowds. Every now and then one would be singled out....Abraham and his family were all seen as individuals but sinners who dwelled in Sodom and Gomorrah? Well they were in a group and they went in a group to judgement. This gets way more detailed in my delivery. I went through the Old Testament for quite some time finding examples of group judgement and individual treatment. Groups out weigh the individual by a lot.

The New Testament however is where the individual comes into his/her own. Thank You Jesus. God walked on earth and now is our champion as individuals. Oh, we are still part of a group and there are times when entire groups go astray and the judgement? It can still be a group thing but isn't. Every individual is responsible for his/her own salvation and that is through a relationship with Jesus, grace from God and faith as it is written. Be in the world but not of the world.

OK so I have once again simplified this whole thing but in my mind that is a major difference. Where am I going with this and why am I going there? Well here. I just read a review over at http://theanchoressonline.com/ about the last secret of Fatima. I read through and Wham! there it is! The group and the individual theory that my pea brain had mulled over for a long time. Catholic theologians are really deep and deserve more of my attention. As if that's what they've been waiting for.....Gemma! At last you are paying attention to our writings! Now, the world can revolve more certainly.

What a maroon I am! I must off to search and ponder. Have a nice one. God Bless.

Keeping Up

Just breezed through the NYPost's Page Six section to see what's happening outside my insulated and isolated and I guess impoverished world. I didn't know who most of those people were that they talked about. I am my mother after all. It always fascinated me that she didn't know who any of the important people of the times were. How can that be? Now I know. Of course it seems to me that the people she didn't know were a lot younger and better looking than the people I don't know. I don't think that money was so much of a factor though. Way back then there was such a thing as talent. I don't remember the equivalent of Paris Hilton back in my day. Which reminds me....she was never once mentioned in today's edition. What's up with that? Is she a little bit too old and in the way? We can hope.

I don't get it

I just read a post at www.seraphicpress.com and it was about a man who was remembering his father. Following a major surgery the father awoke and the surgeon asked if anything was bothering him. "Yes", he said. "The situation of the Jews in Israel." I wonder why that doesn't bother more people. It bothers me and I'm not Jewish. Some of my friends who are don't seem bothered at all are Jewish. One of my friends from college, a Jewish girl, went to see Exodus with me. When the boat sailed she stood and cheered and applauded. Her grandfather had donated tons of money to help that happen. Today she is a staunch Democrat and donates tons of money to every single dem in the country. Many of those she supports do NOT support Israel and in fact, seem to be against that brave country. What is that about? Since when are people and countries not allowed to defend themselves. Why doesn't the threat of the Islamic world to erase Israel and it's people from the face of the earth create a huge blast of outrage. I don't get it.

SPRING at last!

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. We took a ten minute walk to the beach that lasted for more than an hour. Many more people here than usual. We have no children and so we lose track of the school calendar. This is a holiday week for the kids and with the great weather we have lots of neighbors returning and opening their houses for the upcoming summer season. We stopped and blabbed with everyone along the way. It is so good to see open doors and cars in driveways. Could it be that winter is behind us? I hesitate to think so but I am going to open some windows and intoxicate myself with fresh air.

Got a Bridge for Sale

So the New York Times blames their quarterly losses and E Ride at Disneyworld like drop in advertising dollars on the poor economy. That is so funny. That is like Barack Obama blaming any criticism of his performance on racism. Man oh man this is a great time to be alive. There is more spin and denial and fluff and puff out there than there was in the dot com phenom. Air ware is the product of the decade.

Got Nothin'

Half way through the day - sort of - and doing ok. Walked at lunch and the back? she's old and in pain. At least the Spring has sprung. Forsythia and daffodils are YELLOW and everywhere. The sun is bright and the sky is blue and why oh why do we have to spend such a day in the office?

Oh well. We do and that's that!!!

Other than that which is that I have nothing at all ..... back to the desk and work work work.

Later

With the help of God

Well the day went better than I expected thanks to my 2 commenters who understood my issue and ladies, isn't that all we need? Thanks to the two of you for getting it.

Today is one which I will attempt to meet with the help of the Lord in everything I do. I forget to do that more often than not and it is very true that, left to my own devices, I fail more often than not. Oh I don't see the failure as I am in the middle of it but afterwards? There it is. Plain as the nose on your face and how plain is that? Where on earth did that expression come from? But I digress.

I quit smoking years ago after failure after failure after......you get the picture. Each time I would grab on to the seat belt and buckle up and get ready for the first 24 hours without smoking . . . I would make it through maybe 2 or 3 before the agony of defeat would hit. The rationalizing voice would enter my head saying, "Wouldn't it be better to just cut back? Have one every other hour. Think of how few cigarettes that would be. Then in a week every three hours and so on and so on. . . . " Baloney!

I am trying to moderate my eating habits. How's that for avoiding the "D" word? I am in the throes of what to do . what to do? Cut and count the calories? Do the Atkins thing? Go back to Jenny Craig? WEIGHT WATCHERS!!! EEeeegads. Why don't I do what I know should be done and that is rely on God...I did it with the smoking ban. I sat down and gave myself the talking to I needed and then begged for help. I prayed and cried and begged and sure enough - I made it through one day. It wasn't fun and it wore me out but I knew I could do it with the help I asked for. Every morning I would thank God ahead of time for another day of successful quitting because I knew He would be there and help me help myself.

I am thanking God right now for a day of moderation and for the strength I will need to get through the pitfalls of treats and snacks that seem to abound whenever I vow I will not fall for them. I know I can do this with His help. Thank you Lord.

Bad Mood

Had a terrible day yesterday. I was super sensitive and totally out of sorts. Here's but one example.

Went to lunch with husband and my friend who recently lost her husband. I am, by the way, feeling heavy and horrible so I ordered a salad. Don't worry, it wasn't just greens and stuff but a big blasted Southwestern thing with grilled chicken and black olives and grilled peppers and onions, sort of like a wide open fajita without the tortillas. Husband and friend are people who inhale their food and then are ready to go. I am a person who has to chew or I choke. They were done and the plates were cleared and the bill was paid and I am still working on the salad which is less than 1/4 done. They are staring and tapping their feet. I am ready to choke anyway, chew or not, so like the mature, reasonable woman that I am, I toss the side dishes of salad dressing, salsa and sour cream into the bowl, push the bowl away and through gritted teeth say, "Let's go". They are thrilled to be out of there. I am pissed.

Neither one ever noticed that they were not noticing. What's that about when I am so frickin' aware of everything and everybody?

Oh there's more but now I am just being a nit picking mean girl.

Hope today is nicer. Hope I am too.

A Passing Thought

What a world. What a world.

Isn't that what the wicked witch said as she was being "liquidated"?

Things (I almost wrote thighs....talk about obsession with body parts) are so peculiar lately. I wrote a while ago that I was moulting. I think I still am. I'm not sure what's under here when all the moulting is done. Sometimes it's very clear what it is and who I am and then weekends like the one I just had pass by and I have no idea.

Making a List and Losing it

The weekend is over and what did I accomplish? Certainly not all the laundry. Certainly not the windows I was going to wash in the living room. Certainly not the floor in the kitchen or two bathrooms. What to make of a woman who makes lists upon lists and can't check anything off. Gotta love her right? She is a swell list maker. I did do that well.

Taxes got paid and mailed and postmarked.

Did some dishes and some laundry.

Watched part of a movie. See? Can't even watch one all the way through.

ADD or something similar....that's what I say. Is there a Social Program that would pay me money for that? Didn't think so.

Gotta go and do some - not all - of the rest of the laundry.

Ready to be Manipulated? Read the Paper.

One more thing that makes me grind my teeth. Here in the Motherland of Massachusetts there was a raid some months ago on a factory where loads of illegal immigrants, yes there is such a thing, were rounded up and held. An uproar occurred, oh not because of the factory hiring so many undocumented workers (is that more polite?). Because the parents were separated from their children. Bear in mind, these parents were working. The children, we presume, were cared for during the parents looooong absence. I prolong the word long since it seems that the factory? Such a hell hole. LOOOOOONG hours and no money and tote that barge etc. Makes sense that so many would risk so much to work there doesn't it? Back to the story

After the raid the uproar was due to the children being separated from their parents.....can't have that now can we? Oh No!!! Except if the parents are wayward religious types who believe in polygamy. Then we can pull those families apart and leave them in holding pens somewhere and self righteously lecture about clinging to religions and ....no that's my Obama rant. Sorry. Where's the same concern for these children that we had for those who weren't supposed to be here to begin with. I presume the polygamists are citizens. Aren't those children subject to the same nightmares and health issues the children of the parents swept up in the Massachusetts raid were subject to? If so, we were told that no one but the mother could be the correct care giver. The social services provided for the children of those lawbreakers were not adequate or helpful. Are the social services provided for the children of these lawbreakers that much better? Are the children of citizens, even those who practice polygamy, not worth one moment of outrage? I guess I have my answer. It's a good thing that one of the possible Vice Presidents McCain might pick isn't of questionable immigrant status. There might be all sorts of clamp downs making the national news if that were the case. Good thing this Mormon issue can be dragged out again. Good Bye Mitt........

I guess we ARE really as dumb as the MSM believes.

Advice for the Campaign

Dear Obamas,



Please stop the self righteous lecturing about what I need or don't need. Please don't tell me that all those years ago when I worked in a very diverse community, I was in the minority for seven years at my place of employment, Please don't tell me that everyone I worked with, socialized with, went to weddings and showers with and for, attended christenings and wakes and funerals with and for, please don't tell me that they all hated me and wanted me destroyed by God. Please don't tell me all of those lovely co-workers and some still friends attend churches that tell them I am the enemy. Please stop the fantasy that we in America are either poor and bitter and spiteful or fat and rich and greedy or nasty and racist and



You exhaust me with your negative rhetoric and untrue tales of the USA. Please go away and come back with the truth.....take a hint....it's not what you have been talking about.

Green Shmeen.....

Listening to all the nonsense about GLOBAL WARMING!! If the eco terrorists can drive us into total and abject poverty...perhaps that peasant revolution will finally occur. Here in the US of A, we don't have enough peasants. We are too prosperous Comrade. We are too fat and happy. How can we drive these morons into revolution. First make them think they are poor and downtrodden and miserable regardless of the facts. Power to the People. Pump those fists in the air. Then do whatever can be done to actually drain their affluence...carbon credits....yeah...that's the ticket. Neon bulbs are mandated and price them higher than a gallon of gas!!! Now you're talking.

I can't stand it....Green is the color of money now isn't it? Wake up World.

Sanity Check

I read various blogs on a daily and often many times a daily basis. One that I LOVE is http://drsanity.blogspot.com go there now if you have never been there. You may or may not love it but there's no question you will come away enlightened. Today she is talking about denial and relating it to the Congressional nonsense we have been exposed to. I have often questioned how, with facts slapping them in the head, with honorable men testifying to the progress being made in Iraq, a supposedly well educated leader of the people can walk away and proclaim that the total opposite is the case. Because you want it to be does not make it so. And yet....denial is the answer.

I use this defense mechanism from time to time. For instance, following my first husband's death, I would say to myself that he was vacationing in Hawaii. Now, the difference between true denial and that one is that I knew he wasn't in Hawaii, I knew he was dead, I just couldn't bear at that moment to face that thought. I told everyone that I knew he was dead but I would prefer to think of the vacation if they didn't mind. No one had to sit down with me and step me through the truth. I would get there in my own time thank you. I did by the way and it was very very painful but as they say, when you are in hell keep going. How else do you get out?

I fear for the future. We do not have a lot of good men with microphones. The good ones are being ignored or denigrated.

Read Dr Sanity. She helps me understand the craziness going on.

Amazing

Just visited one of the Michele Sites of the day. You know Michele. She's at http://www.micheleagnew.com. There now. I've done it......if you don't know her.....go see her. Anyhow. I went to the Site Of the Day, or as we who visit frequently call it the SOTD, and the topic concerned liar, people who are determined to get you and how God will strengthen you. How did she know? Another amazing coincidence? I think not.

No Problem

Long week so far and it's, what? Tuesday? Good gravy! How will I feel on Thursday? Meetings Meetings Meetings. That was yesterday and what happened to that "no meeting should last longer than 2 hours" rule? Gone with all the other rules no doubt.

Some of the day was devoted to a problem that won't go away. Anyone have one of those? Oh they settle down for a while and as you whistle along with your little life you think, "Now this is nice and peaceful. Glad that problem of long ago has gone away." And then "WHAM!!!" "IT's BAAAA_AACK!" Every time it returns you are so unprepared that it takes a while to get back into the old "Let's solve that problem and be done with it" mood. That problem wears a bit of you down and the nine dozen things that grated on every nerve in your body become 9 3/4 dozen things. 1/4 of those things? Well they don't seem all that important any more. Sooner or later it goes away again and you get the whistle back and . . . .you get the picture.

When that problem is a person? Or a person causing the problem, which is a couple of problems isn't it? Trust me. It is very draining. My fear is that those dozens of things never go away, you just get used to it and accept it and most of those dozens of things are really truly harmful to you. Is it kind of like arsenic poisoning? A little at a time until "Poof" you're done for.

Off to another round of meetings. Later

one woman's opinion

Found this among my old papers and thought it appropriate since that "Why do they hate us?" still reverberates. Bear in mind that I was in college from 1961 to 1965. That means that foolish maundering has never gone out of style.

Working on those boundary things and one of the exercises is to voice your opinion so here is one of those exercises worked out.

• When I was in college I wrote a paper for some class where I used the technique of anthropomorphism. I argued against foreign aid by setting up the United States and the foreign aid recipient country as if the USA were the parent and the recipient country the child. I had just completed a psych course and this Social Studies course seemed the ideal guinea pig for my sophomoric theories. Well, I posed all of the good parenting skills that we had just learned and tried to answer the seemingly never answered question, “Why, oh why, do they hate us?”. I said that when we treat these countries like idiot children without the skills and abilities to care for themselves, when we mindlessly shower gifts upon them that are useless, unearned and truly undeserved, when we patronize them and pat them on the heads and then say go away and let the grown ups talk…..sure, they hate us and then show their contempt by accepting any and every good thing we give them and rub our noses in whatever the gifts should have been by breaking them throwing them away etc etc. Well, we had just learned that spoiling the child thing and the lack of respect the child develops for the parent. I was told that I was foolishly simplistic. The complexities of foreign diplomacy could not be reduced to simple one on one human interaction. “Why?” I asked. “It seems to me that everything has to be reduced to that since the whole process boils down to one person interacting with another.” “Run along and grow up

Seems like certain political parties could give me the same answer if I were to suggest that there are entire groups of people today that we treat in the same way I wrote about in this paper. Just sayin'

Journal Entry

Let me now say the day ahead of me seems to be clear and free from the Gimongous stress issues that have been out there for the past who knows how long. When those stress things hit an hour seems like a year doesn't it?

Last night was girls' club and the two of us met as usual. We called the meeting to order with a glass of wine and hunkered down to Dr Phil. We talked right through the addictions and problems he presented. We truly never heard any of the show at all. Here's how the agenda rolls out. We each have the floor and we lay out the week that was. Mine was rather mundane and hers took some time since there were 6 other women involved in a group she has gotten together for a road trip this week end. You can imagine the things that have been going on in her life and the imaginings pale when the real thing is described. The tale wound down with one of the ladies cancelling at the last minute and the money thing? Still to be determined. Refund or not. What a week end to look forward to.

We then voted on the next show we would talk through and found that John and Kate and babies are 8 or something like that. We LOVE it. The couple are so cute. He is an IT manager and is of Asian descent. He is as cute as he can be. She is a lovely and organized nurse who stays home with the kids and is a blond beauty. She had twins and then sextuplets. They are now 6 (the twins) and 3 (the rest). Holy Shmoly! The kids are fabulous looking and what a life this couple leads. They are really special. Watch it. You will be entertained and enlightened. A combination that can't be ignored.

Discernment Issues

In the course of a week my illusions have been shattered and I guess that's not a bad thing. You should not be walking around in an illusionary world should you? I think not. Here's what I have observed.

I visit certain blogs very regularly and of course frequently since I am totally addicted to this Internet thing. There is one blog that does little games on a regular basis., things like - - finish this sentence and word association and caption this picture. You know the kind. It's fun and a break to stop in and do one or two and then get on with it. I always have to go that one step further though and find out who else does this sort of thing? There are always so many responses and how does anyone know about this? There are really only so many regulars there. It's kind of a clique. These bloggers seem to know each other in whatever way bloggers do. It stops short of inside joke, high school ladies' room kind of stuff but I could be wrong. Maybe it does go there. Time will tell.

Another spot is one of what I call the soap blogs. They are on a more highly developed plane that mine but similar in that they are more of a day to day life, journaling tone type of blog. One had an exchange that took place that went sort of like this. A certain thing occurred the day before. It was an embarrassing kind of thing. The next day a conversation with a co-worker occurred that started with what happened the day before. The co-worker jumped in with she never noticed and the reply to that was good because the blogger would have said friends don't let those things go by. I was tempted to comment about the trap that was set and good thing the co-worker passed the test but then.....who am I to judge? Two females. That's the way of the jungle. Traps are set, tests are passed or failed. Here's my elderly lady experienced take on that. Listen Up! Co-workers Are Not Friends. Not in the true sense of the word. Don't expect them to be. They are people you work with. Share work with them. Life happens outside of work. Friends are developed outside of work. Friends share your life. Mixing up social and work things causes huge angst.

Okay one more. One blogger seems to be a settled and lovely lady. She has a life story kind of blog that is interesting and she posts pictures of things around her. Politics aside, her blog is one I enjoy stopping in on. Politics rarely rear their head but there was a hint of Hybrid Auto, Global Warming is to be dealt with kind of thing. She is older than I which is huge. I am old! Enough of that. She recently did something somewhere and posted pictures of the place it occurred. Those pictures were not posted for the sake of providing more detail of the experience but for the purpose of allowing snide comments and criticism of the decorating abilities of the property owner. Everyone got in on the act echoing the blogger's opinion. It was a pile on. I hope that person whose taste in decorating was being sliced and diced doesn't have a computer. It was very disappointing and I am left with a sad feeling. I see that I need to hone my discernment. My mother always said I was a terrible judge of character and here I am finally seeing what she meant.

For today I will concentrate on the news type of blogs and on those young women who write about being stay at home moms and on the good cook type things I enjoy. I also think I will spend more time in the word and deal with the judgemental issues I drag along with me.

There Now......Calm Down

I posted a blurb about the "recession" the press has been beating the drum about forever. Basically, the headline said Bernanke feared there might be one coming along which speaks to the fact that there hasn't been one at all regardless of what you might read in the papers or hear or watch on the network news. The point I was trying to make and commenters missed entirely was that THERE ISN"T A RECESSION the press just wants there to be so the evil Bush can take the blame for more of what is happening- or not happening as the case may be. The comments were that the recession isn't bothering the commenters at all ---- no kidding! THERE ISN"T ONE.

I'm tired. I have to go now and read about a fellow who was on Coast-to-Coast AM with George Noory. He was talking about time travel. If you have never heard Coast-to-Coast, you have to. George is an amazing host. The show is on here in Massachusetts from midnight until the crack of oh-dark-thirty. Imagine the people who call in at that time. No, not me. I am drifting in and out of sleep and have no stregth for the phone call. George is respectful of every single blessed crazy person who calls in to report Big Foot sightings or their last trip in the flying saucer. He never seems other than totally sincere as he responds or questions or comments on their experiences. I wonder about his grip on reality from time to time but then......

One night recently George had a fellow on with an odd name and they were talking about time travel. Evidently some fragment of something had been sent from one place to another and so if they could perfect this what have you it would be possible to unassemble the human body, transport it through time and reassemble it wherever it was sent. Of course it may not be quite the same human body but . . . . . I fell asleep. What to my surprise when I opened the web page for Fox News and find that Time Travel is Possible and this whacko (pardon my expression) that I heard talking with George is a well respected Physicist who wrote a book. His name is Michio Kaku. Do you think he worries about his credibility factor being affected by mingling with the BigFoot people? Maybe there really is a BigFoot.

I have to go know.....wine . . . .more wine. . . .hurry!!!

Truth? or Consequences!

Boston.com headlines this morning "Bernanke warns of recession". What??? From all the news and headlines and recent front page of a paper in London I thought we were deep into that recession to the point of depression. How many times can Chicken Little scream the sky is falling and believe the sky might fall? When does the chicken realize that screaming it does not make it so? There are those who think the power of the press is absolute power, POWER! They will force their version of reality upon us regardless of the truth. The truth is that words do not reality make. That Depression? Well that only exists among those people who actually read the news and believe it or those that watch the networks and believe that. Those people are mightily depressed. Maybe the Prozac contingent owns the newspapers. Oh well. There are those of us who search for truth, justice and the American Way. (Here is where that blue jersey with the red "S" comes in handy.) We will not be led calmly down that garden path.

Calm the Storm

Dreamt a lot last night and each one was crazier than the last. The one that really sticks with me though is the Holy Spirit dream. I was in a lecture hall and I was told the Holy Spirit dwells in each of us and works like Jesus did to calm the storm. Remembering that Bible story of the disciples on the boat with Jesus asleep and the storm came up and it was wild and very frightening. Jesus woke up and said, "Be Still." or something to that effect and the storm listened and behaved. I was told in that dream that we are the boat and we have the Holy Spirit with us. Life is filled with storms that frighten us and toss us around threatening destruction and mayhem. We have the Holy Spirit to calm the storm if we allow it. All the addictions and bad behaviors we indulge in are very often used to ease the pain of the storm or the fear or the discomfort and anxiety. If the storm is calmed there is no need for those behaviors. The pain controls the addiction. No pain. No need for the pain killer. I need to trust the Lord and let the Holy Spirit do His work.

Have a wonder filled day.