Thoughts

I think it's going to rain today and my lawn will be so happy. It is brown and strawlike since not only has the rain not fallen but no one in this house has turned on the sprinklers. Yesterday I did and the huge sigh of relief and gulping of water could be heard all over the neighborhood. No. Really. The lawn was ecstatic and would have danced if it could have loosened its little feet from the rock hard all dried up ground.



Meanwhile, my husband has been on the hunt for a new coffee maker. The one we have is about seven years old or maybe a little older and it never rests. Lately it's just one pot a day but used to be two or three. He doesn't like the color the inside of the water holder has turned. I clean it (when I think of it and that's when the steam is filling the kitchen) and still, the white is no longer white. The problem with a new coffee maker is that I have an abundance of filters and they are cone shaped. All the new pots he has looked at need the other kind of filter. What a problem huh? I should only have problems like that always.

A neighbor invited everyone to his house to watch the football game. He went clamming the day before and fishing as well. He had a huge amount of steamers and he made chowder out of his fish catch. What a feast. We brought wine and some brought beer and it was so grand to be with such a lovely group of people. We spanned the ages from mid 20's to 60's and how delightful it was to meet and greet people we see in passing. The sound of conversation coming from that house was like a concert of good will.

Today is overcast and sprinkly and perfect. The beach is fogged in and empty. I LOVE it here.

Wondering

Do you think that in the 30's in Germany people sat there saying that all of that junk is about the Jews. It has nothing to do with us. Just mind your own business and life will be fine. Cause if so, that's what we're doing about all that nutty Muslim stuff. So a few heads get chopped off and women get beaten and so what....it has nothing to do with us. What the heck, all those bombs in Israel, it has to do with the Jews....nothing to see here. Move along.

I hate what's happening and I'm ashamed of our journalists and most of our politicians. I truly am.

Go Sox

Just came back from a walk with my neighbors ... hate to say it but we went to the Dairy Queen. Yes. We. Did. What a glorious night. The stars are sparkling away and the sky is so huge and the air is like a narcotic...if I knew what one was like. It just puts you into a coma it smells so fabulous and is balmy and very like palm trees should be out there. As I sit here and type the Red Sox (Yay team) are playing and I think they're winning. When I was a kid, we never had good reception here and my father and uncles would be outside with the radio on the roof of a car and they would be trying to attach something that would be like an antenna and they would hold it over their heads and turn and twist until the sound sort of came in and then we would all have to be very very very silent so we could hear "swing and a miss" or whatever those baseball guys would be saying. The problem here is that without cable, there is no TV and without some really good radio reception you can only get New York channels and those Yankees, we don't like em.

I love it here and I love this time of year. Go Sox.

Thanks

Today was starting to be a lot like yesterday but then I checked in here and Julie, you are the best ever, Julie commented on yesterday's yelping help me's and the psalms she quoted have soothed my soul. I am so grateful. Thanks Julie.

King David is my Hero

I am so beaten. I have been slammed sideways and run over since I got back here. This too shall pass and then I will be stronger and wiser. King David is a good role model. He had Saul after him and I have . . . never mind. David hid in a cave and wrote psalms. I need a cave. I know that I have a world of protection surrounding me. I have prayed and my prayers are always answered. I will pray some more and have me some deep breathing time.

Not too long ago I was panicking every night over things out of my control. I would try to recall that psalm about the chickens under the wings or something of that sort. That image of me under the wings of God. God gathering me up and protecting me was the only way I could eventually drift off. Now I have more issues but having lived through that other one all that time ago I can't panic as I did. Oh, don't get me wrong, I am nervous and stressed but that panic thing doesn't get too far. I stop it with a prayer and then I'm only nervous and stressed. My blood pressure is getting a work out for sure.

Memories

For the record, I am a child of the 50's and 60's. I went to college from 61 to 65 in Harvard Square (or just outside of it). My contemporaries served or died in Vietnam. My female friends burned their bras, yes, they did and marched for the ability to obtain birth control, not abortion, birth control. Do you believe it? Abortion was later. We tip toed around sexual freedom and drugs were a huge unknown out there on the horizon believe it or not. We smoked, just cigarettes, and on occasion snuck a drink with a fake ID. We had curfews, yes we did.


Our schools were all female or all male and when co-ed, the dorms were all segregated by gender. We had rules upon rules upon rules most of which were designed to allow us to reach adult age without ruining our lives. When the rules abound the rebellions are fairly harmless. We didn't have to do much to break a rule since there were so many. We wore bermudas on campus even though they were not allowed during the week. Yes! We did! We talked during study hours and left our dorms to smoke cigarettes on the grounds even though, you got it, it was not allowed. Oh yes, we were the scamps and rebels. We were safe though! During the 4 years of college we knew of one pregnancy and that resulted in a wedding. We talked about everything unlike our mothers who never shared the truth with anyone most of all not with a family member. We would have known about any huge issues, there were, after all, only 85 of us in our class. We all knew each other and although we had our separate groups, we all interacted, if only to talk about each other.


We didn't have cell phones or phone lines in our rooms. Each floor of the dorm had a pay phone and believe it or not, in our three story dorm each of the pay phones worked on the same number so if one was in use on one floor neither of the other two would work. They were extensions of the first phone. How did we survive? Yet we did. One TV in the common room on the first floor. Imagine getting everyone to agree to watch one show? We learned how to co-operate or do without. Actually I don't remember watching much TV. Mostly we gathered in the smoker and talked forever.

We gathered and talked but not about much. We talked about tests coming up weekend festivities or boredoms. We talked about people places and things. I don't recall much going on in the political arena and yet we lived through the Kennedy assassination, the Great Society and the evacuation of Saigon. Most of our friends were engaged to or married to boys of draft age who either enlisted to avoid total loss of control or pursued diligently student deferments. There were none, that we knew of, who skipped to Canada or joined the Kerry nonsense.

I don't know about you but during the Watergate fiasco I turned the radio and the TV off and walked away from just about every serious discussion since somehow, without delving into the political scene, I knew the playground scene. Yes, I was trained to be a teacher and I could see the bullies on both sides. The side that won had the big microphone and they are still pounding on it. They protect their own and pig pile on the other side. It's been going on for centuries and it is still going on. I was tired of it back then and boy am I now. I could go on and on (and probably will later) but for now.....I have a bagel burning and coffee to drink. Later.

A Grown Up Day

My husband and I have been in the car since 9AM this morning and have driven and stopped and driven some more. It all began when he said that he had to take the car in for servicing and it would take a couple of hours. I am never here with him, still commuting for three days away and 4 days here and he works 2 of the four days and ya da yada and so forth. Anyway I said I would go with him and after the service stop he had service calls to make and I would drive along with him keeping him company and while he went to the client and did what he does I would sit in the car waiting and reading a book or whatever. Thus went our day. We only had one violent outburst with screaming and pouting and I am so proud of myself, no tears. When done with that we went out to eat and shared a bowl of soup along with red curry and shrimp. We are so grown up. Now we are home and the Red Sox are on and I must hurry and fall asleep in my recliner. Day is done.

Better Now

Okay. I'm over my break down. I have no time to post anything more so I will return. Just wanted to clear the postings with the big news that I am clear and done with all the judgemental kinds of things I was thinking yesterday . . maybe. Later

signs of a sociopath

Glib and superficially charming, manipulative and cunning - or is it conning? - grandiose sense of self, pathological liar, lack of remorse, shame or guilt, shallow emotions, parasitic lifestyle, enormous sense of entitlement. Hmmm.....sounds like someone I know.

Polls and Bleachers

A new and brief revelation which is kind of in keeping with the previous Done With That thinking. My family is operating like the Clintons or the Dems…..they take a poll, constructed along the story line to fit their reality and the results, in their favor of course, are all they need to confirm their reality. There is no right or wrong unless you have the votes. Yikes. What planet have I landed on? I always called it the bleachers....you get as many people on the bench with you as will fit and the other guy tries to do the same.....the winner has the most people

So Done with That

I must find quiet time to be with the Lord. I am experiencing a crisis in behaviour. I have always been the one in the family to bend and bow and scrape and even if it is through clenched teeth I always inquire for your health and happiness. Well I'm so done with that. I am sick to death of people who obsess over their hurt feelings. When it is not outwardly obvious that they have been snubbed or overlooked or whatever they think makes their little soap opera click for them, they make something up and tell the world. They get those sympathetic murmurings and their hands get held and they have the spotlight forever. They get people angry with the offenders and spend their time fueling the fires. I AM DONE WITH BEING THE GOAT!!!!!! Now I have to find time to work on being done in a strong and silent way. The Lord loves us all, I have to do that too. Pray for me while I pray for them and me too.

Roses and Beauty Surround me

A glorious day for sure. The sun is out and the air is moving. It is very warm but not as humid as it's been. Here in my world every street is line with trees and yards are filled with blooms of every variety. There is a neighborhood nearby that has nothing but landscapers crawling over the yards fluffing up the shrubbery and edging the lawn and dying the roses red. I never see anyone who might actually live in those gorgeous places but their minions are scampering everywhere. I am so blessed to be able to walk through the most beautiful surroundings. I am so mellow when I return, sweaty but mellow. Later. I must shower and clean up my act.

Finally W Speaks Up

W has finally stood up and spoken words I have wanted to hear for years and years and years. He has publicly spoken words no Dem wanted to hear. Vietnam was indeed a failure, it was a failure of will on the part of the Congress of the USA and turning our backs on the people who were relying on us resulted in a bloodbath that shames us to this day. No one wants to hear that version of the story

In Real Clear Politics today William Kristol's column says it all. Happy Sunday.

Tag Team Destroyers

I don't understand how the Clintons, after the 8 years during which they accomplished none of the things which existed and they now say they will snap their fingers and cure the world, how can they walk with their heads high as if the past was not the past and yes, I know, the past is the past but it exists and there was damage done and there has been no repentance and there is complete denial of the facts and off they go to glory and perks and luxurious living more that they have now which is more than most have. Whew. That exhausted me. But seriously! What's with this?

Also notice how I say they? Oh Yes! Make no Mistake. We get him too and he, in fact, regardless of all the feministas out there, he is pulling her strings. Oh Yes! She, in the past, has made such huge bloopers in such public ways that she had to do herself over and who do you think is slick enough to tell her how and what and when. How to undo the term limits stuff. Leave it to slick willy to figure that out and with his PT Barnum thought patterns, there is more than one sucker born every minute. That man has played everyone for a sucker all his life and she is the perfect partner. Like serial killers, tag team destroyers.

Wait

Wait on the Lord. I awoke this morning to that message. My radio ministry is alive and well at my bedside. The Lord's time is not my time. How better to get to know Him? Wait, wait, wait and wait with patience and open ears, eyes and heart. I try. I don't shake my fist as much as I used to. Oh, now and then I clench my teeth and roll my eyes as I say "I'm wai-ting!" But not so much as I did years ago, During the time of strife following my parents and sibs' deaths I prayed for relief. I begged to be pushed under His wings and gathered to Him like the hen does for her chicks and He did that for me. I couldn't have slept otherwise. I would be spiraling into a major anxiety attack and Poof! peace would swarm over me and I would drift away secure in His love. What a miracle and what a blessing. I have let the gratitude for that time slip away and have neglected to speak words of appreciation to the Lord for His love and patience with me during that time. Thank you Lord for always holding me close and sheltering me from the trials I am too weak to bear. You always are with me and moving me through the circumstances you have brought me to. Even when I have brought myself to those circumstances due to my pride and stubbornness, You have still been there. Help me to wait for You and Your answer. Help me to be patient and still. Bless me Lord as You always have and will. I pray in Jesus' name Amen.

A Tale of Two Gemmas

I am back at work and away from family. I am finding it harder and harder to do this. I feel like a split personality. In one life I am married and live by the ocean with my husband and dog. I keep house, make soups and salads, have wine before dinner, walk every morning, water the tomatoes, clip the herbs, do the laundry, socialize with friends and so forth. In my other life I am a woman alone. I live in that big old house that always looks all shut up. I go to the office and hear about everyone's lives. I see pictures of their children and sports events and birthdays. I walk at lunch hour and when I go to the mailbox. I make healthy lunches from what I bring to work. I eat salads and home made soups. I bring fruit to work and share it with the others. I don't watch the normal TV shows and I read the Bible of all things. I am kind of a lonely old maiden aunt. When I ever can give up the lonely maiden aunt part of me where will it go I wonder.

Work!

I'm at work and now I now how I feel about the end of the vacation. I wish it hadn't ended. I'm leaving work early however because I forgot to take my blood pressure pills and I think my head is going to explode. I must go home and pill out. Later

A Thought

I might have already written this but here goes. I have uncovered a brilliant idea and this may be the second time I have done so. Just thinking. You know that guide book, I think it's Zagat's Guide to everything travel wise. Restaurants and hotels are reviewed, that one? Well here goes. All of those young celebrities or celebrity wannabe's will be signing up for this one. It will be like a Zagat guide to rehab locations. Paris or Brittany or Lindsay have already been to most. All they have to do is collaborate and start the book. The five star...no make that three star...no make that three celebs of sorts....guide to recovery spas. Or whatever.....

Peace

One more thing....these anti war groups are entitled to do what they do but why they are upset with us this time around is beyond me. The defend yourself urge should be squashed according to them. Why don't they protest the aggressive behavior of the Bomb squad urchins in the Arab street. Why, when a country - Israel for example - defending itself - are they denigrated? Why are the bullies in school coddled and those who stand up and defend themselves sent for counseling and suspended? What is wrong with this picture? Jesus said meek not weak for goodness' sake. I'm done for the moment. I'll give peace a chance as long as I can keep my defensive weapons just in case those people are lying to me. Remember the Germans telling the Jews that the train was taking them to a good place..a work camp...just for a while. Take the bar of soap and go to the showers. Go quietly. You'll be fine. I fear the peace mongers are of a similar mind set. They think they'll be the last men standing and will run the show.

Last Day of Vaca

Last vacation day and I'm not sure how I feel about all the previous days of no work. It felt nice although lazy. Retirement looms ahead and dangles all the possibilities of the universe but the kick is that I have to seize the moment and do those possibilities. Will I have the energy and desire to move? I'm not sure. I do know that spending more than four days at a time in one place makes it possible to connect with the community and make commitments to things like church programs, bible study, fitness classes and such. I went to a Tai Chi class yesterday and when it broke one of the women said "See you Thursday". Thursday too? I asked and she said the class was two sessions per week, Thursday at 6:30 pm and Sunday morning. I won't make the Thursday session, I said, because I will be working and by the time I get down Thursdays it is 7:30 or later. That's no excuse she said, see you Thursday. Sigh. I will see her on Sunday. The pain is bound to be a distant memory by then.

On with the day - I have just finished my morning walk and the pain? she's not so bad. At least the late snack of last night has been partially erased by the calories just burned and the urge to have a breakfast sandwich and homefries was beaten to a pulp and the cereal and banana won.

Later