ZZZZZZZZZ

More rain and gloom today but the tears are clearing up..the wet air drops the pollen down and it certainly feels better. The house is so quiet right now. My husband had a sleep test last night or maybe I should say a couldn't sleep test. He flunked! He couldn't stay asleep long enough for them to figure out the apnea thing so he has to do a do over. Right now he's here...sleeping. The dog, who missed him more than oxygen is sleeping too. I don't think she slept a wink either. She kept expecting him to come home and she ran from her bed to the window a lot of times. I slept like a dream thank you. Had the bed to myself and the dog was awake so no one was snoring. I was up and down my usual two times and conked out each time. The radio was not playing ever and - - I missed him too! A good night's sleep isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Aches Pains and Tears

How did this week get by so fast? I have been moaning and groaning my way through the past couple of days. The weather is gloomy and spitting rain every now and then and it's chilly. Every bone and muscle in my body is creaking or cracking or aching and paining. Over the weekend I walked and walked and walked and that may have something to do with the aches and moans since I haven't been doing much at all since January. The age thing and the arthritis thing might also play a role here. Today, another gloomy and chilly day but since I took two days off I MUST get out the door and walk some more. Maybe that will work the creaks out.

At least the rain is washing the pollen off the car..all the puddles around here have a green film floating on them. Sneeze much? Well sort of but the worst of it for me is my watery teary eyes. Everyone I meet on my walk thinks I am running away from home after a fight with the spouse. No matter how many times I explain the allergy eyes I get a lot of sympathetic nods and you know the look? That oh yeah sure look? At least I give the neighbors something to mull over.

Hold on to the Wisdom

Made a huge mistake and checked the news. As a result I had to go to a source of wisdom and strength. I found a site where these gifts were received.

"The world cannnot exist without God's consistent spritual energy" That is a true blessing and I must internalize that. Here is the real keeper.

"To the arrogant and wicked, theirs is only a world of mirage and they should not think with such posturing they will succeed." Amen

Let it Go

On the road again. Trying to get my house ready to sell and it involves moving 60 odd years and every family member's unwanted belongings out in some way. I had an antique dealer in and he treated everything as if it's ready for the junk pile. He would give me something and then he talked about how much man power he would need to expend to move it all.

Well, in my head I say to myself, "if it's that much bother and work then why pay me anything? I should be paying you."

So that thought makes me reconsider and decide to look for another dealer and then I think, "You have been sitting on this stuff for years and it is just in the way."

Then I think of the monkey story. You know the one. The monkey is given a coconut with a hole drilled in it big enough to fit his hand through. Inside the coconut is a bunch of really tasty food. Once the monkey reaches in and grabs as much as he can, his hand full of food won't fit to get back out of the hole. If he would let go he could get his hand out. He won't let go. He is tied to this coconut which means he can't move and so he sits and starves to death. Am I the monkey?

It is so hard to let go.

It's a Jungle Out There

Can it possibly be Tuesday already? Where did the days go? No place memorable obviously. We have just been trudging through the chores of life and seemingly making progress..then we sit down and look around and wonder what the hey? It's a jungle out there.

Watched a movie last night. The Changeling. What a good job Angelina did. She is really a good actress isn't she? Skinniest lady I have ever seen though. Can that be healthy?

I certainly have a lot of questions today don't I? Look. There's another one.

Have to go now and move that jungle back a bit. It's always trying to grow over us isn't it?

Man Plans - God Giggles

So misty out there it feels like rain. This is the kind of weather where it rains under the trees. The moisture gathers on the leaves and drops to the ground. There are huge wet spots under each tree limb.

Have to travel a bit today. Long story but we're bringing bags of pellets for a pellet stove back to a store. Each bag weighs 40 pounds and we have 40 of them. The plan A was a friend was to be here with a van so we could haul them all in one trip but he just called to say the van wouldn't start. Plan B. Load the pellets in our car which can only hold a dozen at a time...the weight is too much otherwise. This now means at least 3 if not 4 trips......Oh dear. Do I hear giggling?

The View

Forever I have said that I am going to take a picture of the trees on my street when they burst into bloom. Then, time goes by and it's snowing again. How does that happen? Well, this year, meet the new me. I am doing what I say I will do. Sort of. At least I took these pictures of my view down the street. It really is something isn't it? Have a great day...I am still ostriching.

Not Much Here

I really would like to do these ten on tuesday and 11 on thursday and what are you up to on Monday things but I have no idea how to link to things and get those cute logos on the top of the page. I just learned about the pictures and feel as though I should have a degree hanging on the wall after that learning adventure. How on earth do I do those other things? I will be looking into it and hurting my brain whilst I do. At least it will keep me away from the news.

I must say how much I LOVE Alistair Begg and wish I could hop over to Cleveland to visit his church. Just sayin'

I Am an Ostrich

I'm going to try to not read or listen to the news today. Call it the ostrich approach. If I hear or read anything by accident, I will wait one full day before comment. Right now I am praying and reading the Bible.

This Administration is sooo Scary

When does a community organizer stop organizing..?? When do we consider his skills less than global? Will the NYT and the WH Press Corps protect us from the damage that might be done in the MidEast? When did we start hating the Jewish people? When did we start denying the Holocaust.... What is wrong with us..... Someone please make this stop!!!! It is not cool if there is hate in his heart....is it there???? Someone look and see.... I am so unsettled and what the hey...truth is not true any more is it?

Happy - AAAAH Choooooo- Mothers Day

Happy Mothers' Day to all. My husband has given in to what I have been fighting and today we sound like that flu ward of the hospital..cough snort sneeze blow your nose cough some more. Our brunch has been cancelled and the smell of Vicks is in the air. Later. Hope everyone is enjoying their mothers or their memories or their children.

A Ponder from the Past

I have been so consumed with health issues that I have done very little, if any, searching and pondering. I came across this diary entry and thought I might share it since it is truly a pondering piece that resulted from my usual search of me.

I think this took place 2 weeks or so ago.

A lot of reality rocks were tossed my way this week. Each time the truth hit, a chunk of armor dropped to the ground leaving an open wound of tender, I don’t know who I am, flesh. I am sad and mourning the used to be parts of me. It’s better to know the truth, I guess, but when it hits it can be really painful.

One thing I have learned is that I always did stuff, family stuff, run and fetch and let her do it stuff because I wanted whoever I did that stuff for to like me. I would have paid them but I never had money so my currency was my willingness to put my wants and needs over there somewhere and do for someone else. The person throwing the truth at me recently didn’t bring up that bit of knowledge. I worked that out on my own.

What the person opened up for me was that door where once you enter you can’t turn back. That door brought me into a place where I realized that no one in my life ever just loved me. Aww, poor me. I don’t say it in that manner, although to tell the truth, and I will try from now on, to tell the truth, I did at first. I realized that unconditional love fairy tale is just that, a fairy tale. You always have to work at something for that love to wash over one or both of you. I guess I just found it easier to operate that way because for my childhood life there was always the “If you would only. . . . , then . . . ” That was the method of communication in my family. “Your father won’t like you if…..” Note, it was never, “Your father won’t like IT” “I am going to my room and won’t come back until….” Those were Mother’s opening shots, Father’s always were “I am so disappointed in you” and that, of course, was due to some doing or other on your part.

I am now working on what to do now that I know that’s what I do. Shall I continue to do even when I don’t want to because it seems to work with the person I’m doing for? Or should I only do what I enjoy and if nobody likes it well then…..

I see some relationship wreckage in my area even though I did and did and did. Those people I did for are not here now and when they left it was because I didn’t do something or other for them, in most cases things I was not able to do. I guess, as I think about it and I do with more frequency than is healthy, I am really better off without them since if they were here, they would only want more from me and I am truly worn out right now.

Turning the Corner

Good night's sleep. Sun is out. Fresh coffee brewing. Bunch of fresh flowers on the table in front of me. How good is this? I have a feeling that the corner is turned and way behind me. Can it be true? My breathing says it is. Deep breath. No wheeze. No cough. Ssshhh! Just keep going. Don't mention the war.

That's from Fawlty Towers in case you're wondering. One of my most favorite shows ever. "Whatever you do....don't mention the war."

The Deparment of Energy

Almost finished with the antibiotics and I am certainly feeling better....not back to best yet but better. Today my complaint is this, oh yes I have to have one every day it seems, I don't want to leave the house. I am quite content to sit and stare. My energy level is below the line. I barely have enough for the keyboard. Maybe more coffee will do it. I will go now and make some.

I Give Up

So I gave in to the nagging and went to the doctor who has no idea that I have been to see him more often than any other person on earth, in my mind. I guess I have a different opinion of my quality of being remembered than others do. Funny. I must remember that!

The nurse took my temperature and no one was more surprised than I when she said 101 degrees. What? Then the doctor saw me and he remarked that I couldn't have a temperature that high and not look as though I did. He took it again and it had dropped to 100. Listen to the lungs, look in the ears, check out the throat and home I go with antibiotics and some cough syrup with codeine. The diagnosis is almost bronchitis but not quite, not pneumonia, thank you Lord, and call back on Thursday if I see no remarkable improvement. I will now be on the couch and if I can keep the words from bouncing around, I will read a book.

What a Revoltin' Development This Is

Still with the wheeze and sneeze but at least this morning I feel human....my husband has been hammering me with "Call the doctor, call the doctor, call the doctor" to which I have been replying "Cough! Cough! Cough! Wheeze! Sneeze!" then I blow my nose.

Then I say, "It's the weekend....they're closed. The only choice is the Emergency Room and I'm not going. I'll call on Monday."

Well, it's Monday and if Monday had been yesterday I would have so called. I felt miserable and could not take a deep breath. I was sure my lungs were filled with concrete. This morning? Not so bad. Just unending coughing which is okay since there is a reason to cough if you know what I mean....I hate to think about it but it is a better thing than yesterday. So now....what to do? Call the doctor or ride it out? I hate to be the girl who keeps crying "See me see me see me" He, the doctor, will dismiss me as a crank when a giant problem looms. What to do what to do?

I Could be in the News

Still coughing and sneezing and sniffing and wheezing. Feeling better though. Checked through the headlines and all I can say is it's a darned good thing I don't have a plane ride coming up...they would ditch me over the harbor for sure with this stuff going on. If I oink do you think I would start a panic?

Well I will stay home and not make the headlines tomorrow. Later.