Gotta Love Maxine

I, MAXINE , being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn’t pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers / doctors interested in simply running up the bills. If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:

Glass of wine or a Bloody Mary
chocolate
Margarita
chocolate
Martini
Cold Beer
chocolate
Chicken fried steak
cream gravy
chocolate
Mexican food
chocolate
French fries
chocolate
Pizza
cup of tea
chocolate
Chocolate
Sex
Chocolate

It should be presumed that I won’t ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.

What a Wonderful Holy Day

Happy Easter -

Happy Patriot's Day

Ralph Waldo Emerson

By the rude bridge that arched the flood.

Their flag to April's breeze unfurled,

Here once the embattled farmers stood

And fired the shot heard round the world.

 

Thank God for such brave men and the events that occurred all those years ago without which we would not exist as the land of the free and the brave.  Happy Patriot's Day everyone. 

The Sun is Out

I wandered lonely as a cloud

That floats on high o'er vales and hills,

When all at once I saw a crowd,

A host, of golden daffodils;

Thought for the Day

Thought for the day:

And that's all I've got.

Happy Birthday Buddy

Today would be my oldest brother's birthday.  He would have been 75 today.  He passed away when he was 66.  That just jolted me.  I can't believe he's been gone 9 years.  It will be 9 years in September.  He was the epitome of that, when he was good he was very, very good and when he was bad he was horrid.  But I loved him and I know he loved me, his little sister. 

Happy Birthday Big Boybee.  Love you and miss you even though you were sooo much trouble sometimes. 

That's why God made him so cute. 

Identity Theft - It's Everywhere

The following cases of Identity Theft were brought to my attention via email and I thought I should pass them along:

Now this fellow is just a silly goose isn't he?

If he didn't have that startled look, Stanley might have gotten away with it.

Never could trust a wolf!

Ever since the lodge changed their entrance requirements , things have never been the same.

Missing the Brothers

Just missing my brothers like crazy today.  Here we were oh, so many years ago.  I had been married to my first husband for less than a year and my oldest brother was only 40.  He had his first major heart attack shortly after this picture was taken.  He blamed it on my forcing him to dance the Mexican Hat Dance with me.  We had such a good time at that party.  Weren't we cute?  My oldest brother is the cool dude with the turtle neck and my older brother is the cool dude with the tie.  Loved them loved them loved them.  Still do but they're gone and I miss them like crazy.

Ain't This the Truth?

Walk With Me by theWater, worth the read:

A BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE ABOUT GROWING OLDER

Shit... I forgot the words....



Stress test

Yesterday had Sunday dinner cooked in our new stove and served in our kitchen.  We sat at a table, placemats and real plates, lit candles (the lights aren't wired yet), classical music softly playing in the background, our delightful young niece completed the picture.  It was so wonderful to eat at a table rather than off of my lap in front of the TV.  Yes, the construction is winding down and we are unpacking the garage.  Now to find where everything should be stored.

Here's a stress test for all of you out there.  It arrived via email:

Dealing with Stress



I am not exactly sure how it works, but this is amazingly accurate:


The picture below has 2 identical dolphins in it. It was used in a case study on stress levels at St. Mary's Hospital.


Look at both dolphins jumping out of the water. The dolphins are identical. A closely monitored, scientific study revealed that, in spite of the fact that the dolphins are identical; a person under stress would find differences in the two dolphins. The more differences a person finds between the dolphins, the more stress that person is experiencing.


Look at the photograph and if you find more than one or two differences you may want to take a vacation.

No Need to Reply, I'll be on vacation!!!

A Chuckle a Day

A quick update on the  chaos construction going on here.  The sinks and countertops are in the kitchen and faucets as well.  Yes, Houston, we have water.  The refrigerator has left the living room and is now in the kitchen, of all places.  The stove?  She is in place and fitted with gas.  The top burners are ablaze.  The oven has to be "cured", didn't know it was unwell, and the hood has to be working before that can happen.  Don't know when the hood will be working.  We're making progress folks.

And now for some Canadian billboards sent to me via email.  Do you think these are real?  Really?

I'm not sure but they are a hoot aren't they?  Well, they make me chuckle.  Hope you have a good one, chuckle, day whatever.

Garfield Is the Man - er Cat - Whatever

From my emails today - love it.

GARFIELD ON THE OIL CRISIS

A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country.
~~~
Well, there's a very simple answer.
~~~
Nobody bothered to check the oil.
~~~
We just didn't know we were getting low.
~~~
The reason for that is purely geographical.
~~~
Our OIL is located in:
~~
ALASKA
~~~
California
~~~
Coastal Florida
~~~
Coastal Louisiana
~~
Coastal Alabama
~~~~
Coastal Mississippi
~~~~
Coastal Texas
~~~
North Dakota
~~~
Wyoming
~~~
Colorado
~~~
Kansas
~~
Oklahoma
~~~
Pennsylvania
~~~
And
~~~
Texas
~~~
Our dipsticks are located in DC
~~~
Any Questions? NO? Didn't think so.

Coffee Anyone?

My day starts in much the same way, every day.  I guess I am a creature of habit and if so, most of them aren't that good and I am not alone in the world since most humans are creatures of habits as well and most of those habits are not in the healthy for me column.  Back to my day.  I start by making coffee.  We bought a Keurig coffee maker a while ago and LOVE it.  Remember, I have no kitchen.  Remember the big sink is gone.  The old coffee maker required a clean pot and basket before making the coffee.  I grind my beans so you have that.  It went on and on and all of this happening in a bathroom sink?  I can only say, unpleasant.  Enter the Keurig.  We knew it was out there.  We used one at a coffee following a funeral service.  It took care of bunches of us and each cup could be different and each were fresh, fresh, fresh!  (Keurig.  Will you pay me now?  Just kidding.  They don't know I exist.)

Now you would think that coffee experience would be enough to convince us.  Not true.  We started our usual dance of interest, if the store we happened to be in had a home goods section, stroll through and find the coffee makers.  If Keurigs were there check the price, check the features check and check and check.  We compared and contrasted many, trust me.  The trigger was pulled following a party at a friend's house.  There on the counter stood the Keurig of my husband's dreams.  At most parties he will consume only wine.  That evening he had cup after cup of coffee as well.  He made coffee for whoever wanted it.  He made coffee for those who really didn't want it.  It was the only time ever that he stayed awake for the whole drive home.  Yes, he had the wine too so I was driving as always but he never nodded off.

The coffee maker was in his cross hairs and that week we had one.  Of course it was a step up from the model he used at our friend's house.  Of course.  What good would it be if it weren't better?  Men are really competitive aren't they?  His friend is doing the tile work for our renovation efforts.  He's drinking a lot of coffee here I notice.  As he walks away from the coffee maker he will comment, "Your version doesn't have ..." or "Mine does ....."  I think his daughter will have a coffee maker in her future and he will be stepping up to the latest version.  I hope it doesn't have more features than ours.  We have no one to give this one to and two of these babies are way too many. 

Hope you have a nice day with sunshine and birds singing.

Just thought that was kinda funny.

A Slacker's Posting

I am a slacker  - I just am.  so I post a joke or a card and here it is for the day.....my kitchen floor is being put down and I am without water and stove and please....accept this as a post for the day.  Don't you just love those two?  Weren't you there once or twice?  Here's one more and then I go.

\

Isn't that the truth? 

Happy Valentine's Day

Getting ready for the big day.  Yes!  Valentine's Day!  I remember as a kid loving this day.  We had a decorated box in the classroom and for days valentine's would be dropped in that box.  At home we would have the make your own valentine book purchased at the magazine place.  You would punch out the valentine's from the many pages and cut out the envelopes from the back white pages then fold them and glue them together.  Many hours were spent pushing through the perforations very carefully to be sure the cards were altogether perfect.  That cutting and folding and glueing of the envelopes was a real chore.  But then!  the moment you waited for!  Picking the right card for the right person!

This one could not be given to a boy for example.  You had to select the girl in class who wore hats, obviously.  If none could be found then don't sign your name and the girl who got this card would always wonder what hat she wore that drove someone bats.

This one could be given to anyone in class;

And this one I saved for all of you.  Have a Happy Valentine's Day and I hope someone out there will make sugar cookies for all of us.  Someone's mother always did that way back then.  The afternoon of Valentine's Day in elementary school, the Valentine's Box would be opened and the cards would all be delivered.  I don't remember anyone left out.  We brought in goodies for the party and would eat at our desks while opening cards.  It was a swell day.  Hope you have one.

The Fitness Challenge

I am going to try the 400 mile fitness challenge my friend Sara ( http://fabricnfiberfanatic.com/ ) is doing.  You can find it at http://bfaos.blogspot.com/  along with a bunch of other things.  I think it is just to exercise regularly, walk, jog, bike, treadmill, stairs etc. so that you accumulate miles during the year and your goal is to hit 400.  I have fallen away from my daily walks due to the cold and ice and snow and selling a house and living in one under construction and my dog ate my sneakers.  The sneakers part is a big lie but I have gone from walking at least 3 miles a day, every day, any weather at all to zip, nadda, nothing.  Not good.  I'm hoping that this will tweek the motivator button and put me back on the streets.

The whatsit is over there on the right and if I did it correctly, you should be able to click on that giant sneaker and get to the details of the challenge and there, you can enter it as well.  I hope I move these feet and they in turn will move the rest of me.  Gotta do it!

Things That Fill My Days

I have been away for a while I see.  Sold the house.  Moved the furniture and garage stuff.  Shoveled snow.  Walked the dog on the iciest roads of all time.  Lived through yet another week of construction here in the house we will have moved to.  This construction has been ongoing since November.  Here's where it began and how it looked then

And then later

And now, the outside is done and we are doing inside things

And so I have been occupied with stuff.  I miss it here though and I will be earnestly striving to be more regular with the updates.  Thanks for hanging in.  Happy SuperBowl - Go Packers!

For the Older Women Out There

Attributed to Andy Rooney via a recent email.  I don't care for Andy Rooney so I hope this isn't his.  It might change my opinion of him.

As I grow in age, I value women over 50 most of all.

Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 50 will never wake you in

the middle of the night and ask,

'What are you thinking?'

She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 50 doesn't want to watch the game,

she doesn't sit around whining about it.

She goes and does something, she wants to do,

and its usually more interesting.

Women over 50 are dignified.

They seldom have a screaming match with you

at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant.

Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you,

if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved.

They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age..

You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 50.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 50

is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest...

They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk or if you are acting

like one. You don't ever have to wonder

where you stand with her..

Yes, we praise women over 50 for a multitude of reasons.

Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal.

For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 50,

there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself

with some 22-year old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow

when you can get the milk for free?

Here's an update for you.

Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why?

Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig

just to get a little sausage!

A Chuckle for You

SMART ASS ANSWER #6

It was mealtime during an airline flight.

'Would you like dinner?' , the flight attendant asked John, seated in front..

'What are my choices?' John asked.

'Yes or no,' she replied.


SMART ASS ANSWER #5

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.

Without missing a beat, she said: 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'


SMART ASS ANSWER #4

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy: ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?'

The stock boy replied: 'No ma'am, they're dead.'


SMART ASS ANSWER #3

The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said.

The kid replied: ' Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.


SMART ASS ANSWER #2

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says: 'Got stuck, huh?'

The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'


SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'

A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked: 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'

The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said: 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'



A BONUS EXTRA

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.

Happy New Year Everyone...God Bless Us Every One.

From my email to you:

Throughout this year and all of 2011 - May you always make the right choices.

May your cup runneth over with love.

May you always find shelter from any storm

May you remain good looking and looking good

May you find the perfect diet for your soul (If this face doesn't make you want to stop eating sausage, nothing will

May you find perfect balance in the company you keep.

May you have as much fun as you can before someone makes you stop.

May the worst thing that happens to you come in slobbery pink and furry tan.

May you manage to make time for siesta.

May all the new folks you meet be interesting and kind.

May your accessories harmonize with your natural beauty.

Should your mouth be bigger than your stomach, may you have a chewing good time.

May you always know when to walk away and know when to run.

And may your friends always bring you joy.

May you have a wonderful New Year filled with love, happiness, health and hope.

Couldn't have said it better myself.