If wishes were horses

I am determined to enter a thought or at least words every day. There are great gaps of time during which I have no thoughts which should be recorded. The words are not easily found at that time either. The fingers on the keys typing are heavy and slow and .. .. .. you get the picture.

A friend of mine called yesterday. I saw her less than a month ago close to her birthday. She has spent years allowing her husband and mother to do for her and define her as helpless. I think that she thought she was very clever back then. She never had to food shop or clean the house more than a swipe here or there. Laundry was ok but not done on a regular basis. She had two kids that she brought up but the big stuff with the kids seemed to be left to the husband. They were boys and so that was right.

Now she is fit to be tied. The boys are gone and husband and mother, very old but capable, still treat her as a doorstop. They dismiss her opinions and mother orders her lunch for her, buys her clothes, tells her how to wear her hair. Husband picks out the drapes and the furniture, hangs the pictures, picks the tile for the bathroom, sends her to stay with her mother when his family arrives to visit for several weeks in the summer. Boy does she have anger issues. Boy when I think how I envied her years ago. As I worked two jobs to get through those bad days. As I watched everyone have kids and didn't. As I saw husbands providing for the household while mine drowned depression with scotch and eventually committed suicide. As I as I as I....

When my mother was in her dreary poor me moods I would cheer her up by telling her about everyone else's troubles. How sick is that? Am I still doing it? I hope not. I hope I am planning my future by not doing what I did all those years ago....I don't want to wish my time away by looking at the outside of someone else's life. The inside is messy just like my own...it's their mess and they have to deal with it just as I have to deal with mine.

God has us in the palm of his hand and loves us more than we ever will love ourselves. Let God take care of us. Blessings on all. Have a good day.