Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Where's your pass?

I just read this somewhere in my wanderings on the net, it's about the things people say when you have a serious, possibly terminal illness:

"But here’s the point I want to make about the stuff people say. Unless someone looks you in the eye and hisses, “You fucking asshole, I can’t wait until you die of this,” people are really trying their best. Just like being happy and sad, you will find yourself on both sides of the equation many times over your lifetime, either saying or hearing the wrong thing. Let’s all give each other a pass, shall we?"

That last sentence gave me pause.  "Let's all give each other a pass, shall we?"  I was about to comment on that blog and blah blah blah about grace and be gracious.  Before I could reach the keyboard I was struck with my own limitations in that regard.  I didn't have a terminal illness or even an illness to speak of.  I was less than 25 and dating a very wild guy.  He was older and experienced and not at all like the guys I had ever even met not to mention dated.  Two of my married friends, who had married the type of guy I had normally encountered or dated, were with me one afternoon and, for whatever reason, they felt the need to counsel me.  Their counsel was so self-righteous and condemning that I have carried it with me to this day.  Maybe now's the time to give them a pass.  They were merely wrapping themselves in their blanket of smug and pointing out to me the wrongness of my choices.  The stinging part is that they reached so far back in my life to show me who they thought I was and they were so wrong about what they thought I was up to back then.  I thought my "friends" knew me.  I was wrong.  I was hurt.  I went through what I once read was the most painful surgery known to man.  I had my eyes opened.  I should thank them for that.

That was over 40 years ago.  I have seen these women multiple times since.  I put on a friendly demeanor.  I never refer to that day long ago.  I never forget it though.  I think it's time to do that.  Be gracious.  Give them a pass.  Shake it off and finally let it go.

I love the Blog world.  It's the best therapy ever.

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