Thursday, March 06, 2008

Good and Notso Good

Two things, one good and one notso. Yesterday I went through a lot of old records and papers and found a file that explained some things I needed to know. Some day I can perhaps actually write about these things but suffice to say that the records I found reassured me that an action I took some time ago was the right thing to do. Oh, I knew it in my heart but there, in that file, on paper, in writing, dated some time ago was the information I needed to reassure me that my instincts were correct in doing what I did. I have paid a price for my actions and I have not justified them with supreme confidence because I doubt myself so often. I just knew at the time that what I did was right and I did it based on that and little more. To find the records that show I was right was perfect because the person who has decided I was dead to them because of my actions sent a very nasty email to me today. I wonder how I might have cringed had I not discovered that file. I might have second third or fourth guessed myself (as I have done many times since taking that action by the way) and this evening, rather than being mildly annoyed, I could be painfully broken. I will say this, that file I found is for me and me alone. I have no need to ever justify my actions again. That's the good part. The notso good part is that nagging ache over a bitter person out there who is so angry still. I wish that email had stayed in cyberspace rather than landing in my mailbox. Does any of this rambling make sense? Well it helped to spew it forth. Thank goodness for blogs.

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