Happy Macy's Day

This year the turkey will be served at a restaurant. I never like to do that and so we have only done so twice in all the years of turkey days we have shared. Years ago I always had dinner at our house with mostly friends who were at loose ends and then my husband's family started to fill in the seats. One memorable year when our neice was just a week old, her parents brought her to dinner along with my husband's mother and grandmother. I have a wonderful picture of that afternoon with all those generations sitting close and holding our darling neice.

Another time, when my sister-in-law arrived with her two girls late in the day, I recall the oldest neice saying to her mother, "I told you we should have come here, Aunt G has plates at the table and candles and everything." They had gone to another relative's house where a buffet was served. The children had no seats and Missy was miffed. Why I hold on to that memory is beyond me.

When family and work and who knows what were overwhelming one year we stayed at an Inn in New Hampshire for the holiday. It snowed just enough to cover the ground and make a stop your breath kind of picture. Our cabin was so lovely with a big brass bed, cable tv and a fireplace. What more could you ask for? The Inn served Thanksgiving dinner as part of the package and it was honestly fabulous. All the other guests were as friendly as could be and it was like having dinner with extended friends and family. Of course, the people around us were like that branch of the family that you never ever saw. Oh well, we enjoyed it.

Another time, my married neice was feeling left out since her mother and stepfather had gone south for the cold months and her father and stepmother never included her . She had no family other than her husband's and she didn't like that feeling. Her husband is in a wheel chair and my house is not and was not accessible so my very kind hearted husband said we would find a restaurant and take them to dinner. We went to a local hotel which had a buffet that would have put a cruise ship to shame. It was truly the best ever. Since then the restaurant in that hotel went out of business and that is that.

Well now, this year we are just two and will be at a local restaurant. We will cook a turkey on Saturday and have a small group to feed. I hope next year we have the turkey on the official turkey day....it just seems better that way.

We will watch the parade because we always do and if Katy Couric's too cute face appears, I will quickly change the station. Yuck and yuck again......she is too much like those high school cheer leaders who reminded me of female Eddie Haskells......

Oh well, I'll report in later...

Financial Slaves

Quite a to-do on C-Span last night with the Vietnam war wanna quits dueling with those that don't. I read one thing about a Rep quoting one of her constituents, a marine something or other who said that cowards cut and run Marines stay and fight. She was booed and now it seems that the Dems are saying the vote was a personal attack on Murther who proposed a hasty withdrawal of troops. How is that? Kerry had to somehow make the whole thing about him by saying he wouldn't let this be a swift boat attack on Murther.....yegads doesn't that ego centric ever stop. All I know is that I lived through the Vietnam era watching good friends die and this country go all mushy....I don't care what Hollywood says...it seems most of the drugs were being used by the peaceniks who didn't think beyond the allure of fighting the authority figures they had run away from when they left home. Give Peace a chance they crooned while the rest of us worked and paid their welfare incomes.....

Argh - as Howard Dean would say...............slavery does exist in this country but not the way the Jesse Jackson fools would have you believe.....the middle class hard working taxpayer who follows the rules is the slave....we are financial slaves pouring our tax money instead of cotton into the big bags of the upper class (read politicians) who throw crumbs of it to the masses on welfare. The crumbs are what's left after they've taken what they want to continue their high living lifestyles. How's that grab ya?

Lies and then some

A thought I had in the wee hours of the morning. I was half listening to a Christian radio station, as I do, and there was a discussion about lying and how there really are a lot of ways we can lie. I'm guilty of any number of ways and although I can certainly distinguish between the obvious LIES I think it's really hard to be a social being and always tell the truth especially when there's that annoying lie of ommission. I mean, if you're even lying when you're keeping quiet where does that leave us?

So, I though if the Lord God Creator of the Universe doesn't distinguish between gradations of lies, you know the white ones and kind ones and so on, I guess it would behoove us to rein this puppy in and get a handle on it. How to do it..... I think it should be like dieting (at which I always fail by the by) Identify a flaw and deal with IT not everything at once.. Recognize the most constant offense and work on it. That made my mind skitter along through any number of paths and I landed on blogging as a means of controlling lies..Yeah well.

I thought if someone were truly blogging a journal type thing it would really shake out some of the lying habits that the blogger had fallen into. Think about it .. here you are on a daily blurby little blog --yeah-- one such as this. Months go by and you sit down and start to type about one of those when I was a kid sort of things and you realize that it's kind of related to something you wrote ages ago and if you lied about it well, hell, you have to go back read what you lied and continue the lie forever. So blogging makes you live the adage...if you don't lie you never have to remember who you told what to.

Of course in this day and age politicians seem to think that they are exempt from that adage as well as others...they seem to think they can say anything at any time with no connection to anything they ever said before and as far as connections to the facts?? fugeddaboudit (is that the Soprano way?0

Toodles -- way too early in the morning --sorry about the rambles but that's the real me --- Honest

A Long Day

Life has its ways and that's for sure. The past week has beaten me senseless, of course that sometimes takes only two beats or so, but this week - endless pounding. Phone calls and paper work and business insurance things and oh my goodness help me I'm drowning in never ending minutiae (is that how that is spelled?). I wish this were the end of the week but alas -- one more day.

that's all I have to say and I mean it -- at least for today......

I'm so glad I'm home and warm and safe and I thank God for all of that.........

Smoking and Not

I quit smoking many years ago. I loved it. I smoked my first cigarette the summer after I graduated from high school, yes, I was a late bloomer. I felt so mature as soon as I held that cigarette between my fingers. I was immediately a grown woman. Of course I couldn't go down alone so I encouraged all my girlfriends to join me and they did. There were about six of us and we sat in the parking lot of the A&W (which by the way had car service at the time) puffing away. It was midweek and we knew our fathers were in the city working and our mothers had no cars...my mother didn't have her license at that time so we knew no one of consequence would spot us.

I went away to college and smoked as if I had never not done so. My mother told me she knew I smoked in her unique way..she never said a word, she gave me a cigarette case and lighter for Christmas. Nuff said. It was red (at the time and from time to time my favorite color) the lighter was silver - in color only - and I loved them. Talk about Hollywood happy. I felt like Katherine Hepburn (well shorter and plumper but every bit as elegant) as I opened that case, removed a Tareyton and lit up with my gleaming lighter. Even better was the ashtray set for my bedroom. Odd to have it in my bedreoom since I was never to smoke there and don't recall doing so but the ashtray set had a glass container for cigarettes that I had only seen in movies at that time. Lift the cover and offer a cigarette to a guest...you talk about sophisticated.

Well time moves on and common sense prevails and by the time you know you really can't smoke any more, the habit has taken such a hold on you that the struggle is one of the largest you have ever faced in your life. I won but still recall those elegant moments, those Hollywood sophisticated moves of removing the cigarette from the case or the holder on the coffee table, the feel of the cigarette between my fingers and the leaning back and exhaling the first puff........

You know that poem that says when I'm whatever age I shall wear purple? The hell with purple....I'm buying a carton of cigarettes, a red leather holder for the pack and a silver lighter. That's my plan......how old should I be do you think? I'll deal with that later..

Have a good day

Typing

Well, the pressure is really on since I stated that I am at the computer every morning. I should type something. I am typing. I guess a rundown of my day or the day before would be a good start. My neice called. Her father is my brother who just recently passed away. She has two children who are very swell. Since I have no children I hosey that my neice is mine and her children are my grandcildren. OK? Done! Honestly, that has been going on forever. My brother's wife, her mother passed away when she was six. Although I wanted to grab her and her brother and take her home, my brother would have perished much sooner than he did without his kids. It's a long and human mess to relate concerning that whole thing and maybe someday.............But for now..........

See I start to relate and then go off on another road...I have to get my wits about me.

This morning I heard my radio minister talk about discernment. He said that not only does it mean that you should seek the truth of what you hear but you should also filter through your behaviors and behave according to your beliefs. Well put. The old walk the walk thing. Don't impose your stuff on others but live in such a way that people would want the same. He also said that no one ministry has the whole truth. Search means search and only the arrogant are unwilling to listen to others. I remember being arrogant in a training class. The trainer was sharing teaching techniques and, having a college degree in education, I was very edgy about someone with lesser credentials trying to tell ME what the correct teaching techniqes were. What a pain in the ass I was. I wonder if I still am.....I think I had better work on that...

God Bless .. it's that beautiful day in the neighborhood thing again........

Wheew finally posted

I have been searching and searching, no not searching and pondering but that might come next. I have been trying to post that last posting for quite some time. I hit the wrong button and thought I had deleted everything. I found out that I could find that old post and I did. I then saved it as draft and couldn't retrieve it for ever so long. I have searched the help section and I have found what I needed......Success! That felt so good. It was almost as satisfying as the first time I ever tied my shoes. All those years ago and I can still recall how good it felt.

Now I really have to get to work doing some real work but let me tell you, that which I have just done sure felt like real work.

Always in the Morning

I think I might have said this once. I love the early morning. The house is MINE. Well almost and I think I also already said that I really don't want it to be. I like the sleeping going on upstairs while I putter about and I like the fact that it won't be long before I'm not alone. The husband and dog-child will be up and about and clamoring for something or other that only I can do. Thank God. But until then, the house is MINE and I love it.

I have always had a day dream that I would be a famous something or other. As a young girl I would lip synch to the show tunes and songs of the times. I would practice the broad moves a starlet would need to sell the song. Well then, when the lip synch became the singing, that dream moved aside.

In college I dipped into Psychology and lost my heart. What a treat! Finally, a means to determine why someone does what they do and why they will do the next thing. I spent the next 3 years analyzing and observing and poring over every written treatise that was available and I planned to become the next brilliant woman to conquer the world of the human psyche. Yes! Move off the stage Freud......and take your cigar with you. Once I looked into the years of study and work and tuition involved I found it necessary to work first, save money, apply to grad school etc etc and so to begin I would teach. That, after all, was what I had truly trained for. One year later, having realized how responsible a teacher was for the lives of their charges, I caved in and determined to earn money elsewhere. I couldn't leave that classroom at the end of the day and live my own life. Off to the offices of the world where I would put in the time and walk away to freedom.

Money, Money everywhere and I spent every bit of it. Never could get it in a pile to take care of tuition. That psychiatric business meant that I would be responsible for the lives and welfare of my patients or do we call them clients now? That kind of pressure, recalling the angst of being in charge of all those little ones when I was teaching, the fact that I couldn't save a dime because I was having just too darned much fun. Dream 2 done in.

I could always write. I read a People magazine article about a truck driver who, in his spare time, put a best seller together and why not me? Dream 3 on board. I saw myself at the computer every quiet morning, I would be plugging away at yet one more chapter. I would pour out my life experience and Voila, People magazine, make room on your cover for me.

Well, always in the morning I try to write something. Here I am. My dream is still alive but over the years it has morphed into -- I will write a journal type thing and relish the feeling of putting thoughts into words and seeing them on a screen. Each morning, or maybe not each, but in the morning I would sit at the computer and type away --actually I mostly read others' typings but when I do type away it's almost always in the morning, unless it's in the afternoon. And I guess as I look at it, Dream 3 has yawned and drifted away. I'm sure another dream will take shape. I wonder what it will be...........

Have a beautiful day in the neighborhood.

WINTER

So after the furnace was turned on and off and on again, we had an unexpected guest for dinner and he stayed the night. I got up early to put the coffee on and clean up the glasses etc from the night before. I sat down with a cup of coffee and the laptop, now wireless thanks to my wonderful husband, and I was distracted by the sound of water running. I thought I had left the water on in the kitchen sink, no, the bathroom sink, no, the toilet was running up or down stairs, no. And still the sound of water running. I finally went to the cellar and sure enough the pipes were chugging and wheezing and something to do with the furnace was making the running water sound in the pipes. This I know since it stopped shortly after I shut the furnace off. Oh Boy! If my husband was having the vapors over the furnace running, wait till he hears that it isn't. Pray for a miraculous recovery of the heating system.

This is IT

I have tried three times today to post something and each time I have thought too much..so...this is it regardless of what it says. Of course now I'm thinking again and I might care what it says.

This is a beautiful day in the neighborhood. The sun is out and it's cold. Less than 40 degrees and hallelujah hannah, Hubby turned on the heat. Until now I thought my circulation in my feet had shut down. This is the first time in weeks that I can feel my toes. Heaven. Of course, Hubby is down for the count with a cold cloth on his head as he sees dollars being burned in our furnace. It's only money I shout as I wiggle my thawed out toes. And furthermore I tell him, look at how happy I am with the thermostat on 60, since it's been colder than that forever, 60 feels like 80 to me. Didn't help. He just moaned and went back to a reclining position. Well at least he's warm while he's miserable.

The weather is going to warm up a bit so the furnace will be shut back down again soon. I'm going to find my heavier socks so I'll be ready and I think that I'll go for a walk and see if it will feel any different now that I can feel my feet. I get my best ideas when I walk, my head gets cleared up and my pondering really kicks in. I'll maybe post two things today. A banner day.

Later........................

Anniversary Dates

Dad died 6 years ago yesterday. I always think I'll be ok with these milestones and I am until......oh hell, there's always something. I can't really recall but as I was driving home after work something got to me and I was driving and crying and driving and crying and then sobbing and weeping and blowing my nose etc etc etc. Whew.. glad that's over for a while. But then this morning I'm listening to one of the radio shows from God and the message was from a missionary who had been in the Sudan. He spoke of the crying children and how the cries are different there. They are fear based...true gut wrenching fear. Those kids fear things we can't even imagine. All the missionary wanted to do was to hold each child and assure them that for the moment they would be safe...imagine? The children's feelings of safety were measured in moments. Well, there I went again....sobbing and crying and omiheavenssakes what is wrong with this world. I stopped short of signing up to travel to Sudan and bringing children home....I wish we could transport them all to a safe haven or turn where they are into one.

What a world we live in....I am so grateful that this is not our permanent home and also that in the midst of all of this nonsense I can be in awe of the color of the sky or the shape of a cloud or the perfection of leaf.....the other message I heard as I drove back to work this am was that those moments show us the fingerprints of God.

Thank you Father.

Just Missing Everyone

I was walking the dog this morning and as I approached our beach a car pulled up and the woman driving was a long time family friend. Her husband died about 2 years ago. We loved him. He was funny and irreverant and loved the beach and the ocean and the salt air. He rode his bike around our little neighborhood and stopped to talk to everyone. He would wind up at the landing where he held court for most of the sunny days and always had some neighborhood news, no not gossip, news. There is a difference you know, and it is huge. News is factual. There are no off side opinions or color pieces added. News is news. Harry has the flu. Martha broke her wrist. The guy from Arizona has painted his kitchen. There is no added opinion or colorful sidebar about the rotten daughter who never wanted to help when her parents were ill or what the color of the kitchen meant as far as the sexuality of the guy from Arizona is concerned. News is news, facts, uncolored by innuendo or opinion or side comments. Yes, her husband was what our reporters should be....reporters of news not influencers of opinion

I just miss him like crazy and I miss the news as it used to be -- or was it ever?

flu shots and blood tests and exams, oh my!

This is the time of year that the cycle of medical appointments begin. I am a procrastinator of the first order so when I tell you that I took care of the flu shot and the blood work in one fell swoop, I mean to say that I have rung the bell, grabbed the brass ring --- fill in what you will, you know what I'm saying here.

Now all I have to do is keep each and every appointment that is spread out between now and the end of the year. That will be a lifetime achievement award in the making. I always find reasons upon reasons to reschedule and what should be over in December stretches into March, April, sometimes even June.

I thought that I had learned the error of my ways when I was a young'en. I had cut a coupon out of a magazine that promised me a quick and easy way to earn money. I only had to sell seeds, yes, seeds, vegetable and flower type seeds. I sent the coupon in and shortly thereafter I received a box of seed packages along with a request for payment. Well, trust me, a 10 year old back then could no more come up with the $10.00 required than you could come up with a million dollars today. I figured that I could sell all the seeds in no time and get the $10 keep the rest and voila....pocket money galore.

Oddly enough - nobody wanted to buy my seeds. Letters kept coming demanding payment and I got good and scared whenever the mailman arrived.....I look back and wonder at my mother's reluctance to persue why I was suddenly the recipient of such a volume of mail.....I mean, from none (except at birthday time and then only one from my Grandmother) to at least one a week. These were official scary type legal threat letters.....they were stashed in my room - I guess along with my diary. Finally, the damn burst and I threw myself on the mercy of mom. Somehow she and my father were able to douse the flames of legal hell I was dancing in. I sent the seeds back and that was that....except that every other day or so my mother would check in to see if I had any other hidden anythings. Wouldn't you think that I would have learned from that experience not to sit on a problem? Yeah. Me too.

who? what? where? when? HOW?????

No, seriously, how do you bloggers do it? I have a lot of free time but honestly, I can't manage to be at the computer often enough to put a lot together and come up with anything worthwhile. No one sees this and really, I guess that is what anonymous is about. What's it all about Gemma? Funny but this check out the number of people who look at you is a wierd thing........makes you want to write something worth reading. I guess that's the draw for those in the real media.... write something, anything and someone somewhere will read you. That's what they do too. Write whatever and someone will remember you and whooooo you are something girlfriend.

A Night at Home

My friend of many many years came by tonight. She has just bought her first home. When she arrived, I had chicken in the oven. Did you make this yourself, she asked. Yes I said and then she said when did you have the time. I felt like my mother when I explained how to do the exotic shake and bake thing and when I told her how long it took she was amazed. I, of course, felt like such a domestic goddess. No one who knows me would believe that anyone would ever ask me for cooking advice. Go figure. Everyone is an expert when talking to someone who doesn't have a clue.