For the Older Women Out There

Attributed to Andy Rooney via a recent email.  I don't care for Andy Rooney so I hope this isn't his.  It might change my opinion of him.

As I grow in age, I value women over 50 most of all.

Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 50 will never wake you in

the middle of the night and ask,

'What are you thinking?'

She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 50 doesn't want to watch the game,

she doesn't sit around whining about it.

She goes and does something, she wants to do,

and its usually more interesting.

Women over 50 are dignified.

They seldom have a screaming match with you

at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant.

Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you,

if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved.

They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age..

You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 50.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 50

is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest...

They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk or if you are acting

like one. You don't ever have to wonder

where you stand with her..

Yes, we praise women over 50 for a multitude of reasons.

Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal.

For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 50,

there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself

with some 22-year old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow

when you can get the milk for free?

Here's an update for you.

Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why?

Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig

just to get a little sausage!