Doggie Woes of Sorts

Our puppy girl has had another bout of the up chucks.  I think it's the heat and humidity and hubby, of course, thinks the worst.  Until her appointment next week, she is on chicken and rice and teensy tiny bits of her own food.  She loves it.  It constipates her.  The rice, I'm sure.  I understand that.  Hubby thinks the worst is even worser.  I found this on some blog somewhere while searching for what could be making the girl vomit.  I found it so funny that I sent it via email to the hubster.  He did not find it so amusing.  I think you might though.  Here it is:

The four types of dog vomit


YELLOW URKA-GURKA

Dog runs around the house and hides under furniture while making a prolonged ‘uuuuurka-guuuuurka, uuurka-guurka’ noise. (This noise is the only thing guaranteed to wake up a true dog lover who is hung over from a post dog-show celebration at 3:30 a.m.) After mad scrambling to capture the dog and drag him outside, the episode ends with an inaudible ten yard slimy yellow froth from the living room rug to the back door.

BLAP DISEASE

Dog exercises hard and (a) eats large mouthfuls of snow (winter Blap Disease) or (b) drinks a bucket of water (Summer Blap Disease). Within two minutes of returning inside, the dog spews out large amounts of clear slimy liquid while making a distinctive ‘blap’ sound and a sharp percussive noise as it hits the linoleum.

GARKS

Dog suddenly clears his throat with loud and dramatic ‘gggaark, gggark’ noises generally followed by prolonged ‘iiiksss’ and then loud satisfied smacking noises. There is nothing on the rug. Don’t investigate, you don’t want to know.

RALFS

Apropos of nothing, the dog strolls into the dining room and waits till the innocent dinner guests are all watching him. Then, with a single deep gut wrenching ‘raaaalff’ dislodges the entire weeks’ contents of his stomach on the dining room rug.

Variation: Then he eats it.

In all the above events the dog is entirely healthy and indeed deeply pleased with himself.