A Slacker's Posting

I am a slacker  - I just am.  so I post a joke or a card and here it is for the day.....my kitchen floor is being put down and I am without water and stove and please....accept this as a post for the day.  Don't you just love those two?  Weren't you there once or twice?  Here's one more and then I go.

\

Isn't that the truth? 

Happy Valentine's Day

Getting ready for the big day.  Yes!  Valentine's Day!  I remember as a kid loving this day.  We had a decorated box in the classroom and for days valentine's would be dropped in that box.  At home we would have the make your own valentine book purchased at the magazine place.  You would punch out the valentine's from the many pages and cut out the envelopes from the back white pages then fold them and glue them together.  Many hours were spent pushing through the perforations very carefully to be sure the cards were altogether perfect.  That cutting and folding and glueing of the envelopes was a real chore.  But then!  the moment you waited for!  Picking the right card for the right person!

This one could not be given to a boy for example.  You had to select the girl in class who wore hats, obviously.  If none could be found then don't sign your name and the girl who got this card would always wonder what hat she wore that drove someone bats.

This one could be given to anyone in class;

And this one I saved for all of you.  Have a Happy Valentine's Day and I hope someone out there will make sugar cookies for all of us.  Someone's mother always did that way back then.  The afternoon of Valentine's Day in elementary school, the Valentine's Box would be opened and the cards would all be delivered.  I don't remember anyone left out.  We brought in goodies for the party and would eat at our desks while opening cards.  It was a swell day.  Hope you have one.

The Fitness Challenge

I am going to try the 400 mile fitness challenge my friend Sara ( http://fabricnfiberfanatic.com/ ) is doing.  You can find it at http://bfaos.blogspot.com/  along with a bunch of other things.  I think it is just to exercise regularly, walk, jog, bike, treadmill, stairs etc. so that you accumulate miles during the year and your goal is to hit 400.  I have fallen away from my daily walks due to the cold and ice and snow and selling a house and living in one under construction and my dog ate my sneakers.  The sneakers part is a big lie but I have gone from walking at least 3 miles a day, every day, any weather at all to zip, nadda, nothing.  Not good.  I'm hoping that this will tweek the motivator button and put me back on the streets.

The whatsit is over there on the right and if I did it correctly, you should be able to click on that giant sneaker and get to the details of the challenge and there, you can enter it as well.  I hope I move these feet and they in turn will move the rest of me.  Gotta do it!

Things That Fill My Days

I have been away for a while I see.  Sold the house.  Moved the furniture and garage stuff.  Shoveled snow.  Walked the dog on the iciest roads of all time.  Lived through yet another week of construction here in the house we will have moved to.  This construction has been ongoing since November.  Here's where it began and how it looked then

And then later

And now, the outside is done and we are doing inside things

And so I have been occupied with stuff.  I miss it here though and I will be earnestly striving to be more regular with the updates.  Thanks for hanging in.  Happy SuperBowl - Go Packers!

For the Older Women Out There

Attributed to Andy Rooney via a recent email.  I don't care for Andy Rooney so I hope this isn't his.  It might change my opinion of him.

As I grow in age, I value women over 50 most of all.

Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 50 will never wake you in

the middle of the night and ask,

'What are you thinking?'

She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 50 doesn't want to watch the game,

she doesn't sit around whining about it.

She goes and does something, she wants to do,

and its usually more interesting.

Women over 50 are dignified.

They seldom have a screaming match with you

at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant.

Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you,

if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved.

They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age..

You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 50.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 50

is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest...

They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk or if you are acting

like one. You don't ever have to wonder

where you stand with her..

Yes, we praise women over 50 for a multitude of reasons.

Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal.

For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 50,

there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself

with some 22-year old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow

when you can get the milk for free?

Here's an update for you.

Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why?

Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig

just to get a little sausage!

A Chuckle for You

SMART ASS ANSWER #6

It was mealtime during an airline flight.

'Would you like dinner?' , the flight attendant asked John, seated in front..

'What are my choices?' John asked.

'Yes or no,' she replied.


SMART ASS ANSWER #5

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.

Without missing a beat, she said: 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'


SMART ASS ANSWER #4

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy: ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?'

The stock boy replied: 'No ma'am, they're dead.'


SMART ASS ANSWER #3

The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said.

The kid replied: ' Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.


SMART ASS ANSWER #2

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says: 'Got stuck, huh?'

The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'


SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'

A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked: 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'

The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said: 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'



A BONUS EXTRA

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.

Happy New Year Everyone...God Bless Us Every One.

From my email to you:

Throughout this year and all of 2011 - May you always make the right choices.

May your cup runneth over with love.

May you always find shelter from any storm

May you remain good looking and looking good

May you find the perfect diet for your soul (If this face doesn't make you want to stop eating sausage, nothing will

May you find perfect balance in the company you keep.

May you have as much fun as you can before someone makes you stop.

May the worst thing that happens to you come in slobbery pink and furry tan.

May you manage to make time for siesta.

May all the new folks you meet be interesting and kind.

May your accessories harmonize with your natural beauty.

Should your mouth be bigger than your stomach, may you have a chewing good time.

May you always know when to walk away and know when to run.

And may your friends always bring you joy.

May you have a wonderful New Year filled with love, happiness, health and hope.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Let it Snow

Here we go again!  Well, it IS winter.

Ho Ho Ho for Christmas

Living through the renovation of the house we are living in is not easy.  Lots of action and noise though.  Have to post a Christmas laugh or two and hope it makes you smile as it did me.

Stress and Panic

Although we are far from this scene so far, I fear it is in the offing.  It's only 15 degrees this morning and breezy.  The air is dry and the sun is blazing but as my mother used to say, "There's no heat in that sun."
I am delaying walking the dog hoping against hope that the temperature creeps up a tad.  As you dog folks know, I can only push that delay thing so far and then?  she breaks into a dance and whine festival.  I am about ten minutes from the dance and dreading it.

I am going through a shedding period.  Every now and then my hair thins.  I lose tons each morning as I wash and dry it.  It drifts through the air and drops to the bathroom floor, fills the bottom of the basin, scares the bejeepers out of me because I can see my scalp.  This has happened at least twice in the past ten years and though I have always feared total baldness, it has not happened.  I can't remember how long it takes to grow back in and I am hoping, hoping, hoping that it is the same as it was whenever it was.  Of course, now it's growing back in white so it's hard to tell if it's growing in or not.  Panic Panic Panic.  And that of course makes the stress level higher and it might be the stress level causing the hair loss and  - - - I could go on and on and - oh well.  God is in charge and I trust in Him so all will be well no matter how much hair I have.

I must now walk the girl and I have to put a hat on and that makes me crazy since when I take it off the static hits and the scalp shows and I ---never mind.  Have a good one and pray for hair growth.

Something to Warm You on a Cold Winter Day

Is this the cutest thing you've seen today or what?  Who knew that a baby hippo could be so adorable?

Another ZooBorns moment - whenever the day is cloudy and gray I take a trip over there and never regret it.  They should pay me for referrals shouldn't they?  Well, they don't and they won't and that's all I have to say about that.  Except, you should go see http://www.zooborns.com/.

And now for something else sweet.  Received in an email

A Nativity Scene was erected in a church yard. During the night the folks came across this scene.

An abandoned dog was looking for a comfortable, protected place to sleep. He chose baby Jesus as his comfort. No one had the heart to send him away so he was there all night.

We should all have the good sense of this dog and curl up in Jesus' lap from time to time.

A Perfect Dog Story

Now, this is for my dog friends and my friends who need to smile!  From one of my friends who loves both.




An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of. He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head; he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out..

The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks.

Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 He's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?'

Happy Thanksgiving

Saw this bumper sticker and thought it appropriate on this wonderful national holiday, Thanksgiving - "Pray for Whirled Peas"  took me a minute and then?  quite funny.  Seriously - have a Happy Thanksgiving and be thankful that you aren't a turkey.

Funny Old Folks

This is funny - the title of the email is "Live long enough to be a REAL concern for your kids.

Love them all!

Panda Babies

Shamelessly stolen from Zooborns -- you must go see the rest.  There are piles and piles of Pandas.  Have a happy Sunday.
http://www.zooborns.com/zooborns/

Southern Ten Commandments

I lived in Texas for 3 years some time ago and I look back on those years with a great deal of fondness.  I knew before I got there that this is a big wide world.  I knew that there is more to people than their accents, their dress codes and their cultural idiosyncrasies.  All of the fantastically tolerant liberals in our current arena should  take a breath and realize that intelligence is more than sounding intelligent.  Here is an email from a Texan friend of mine.

Ten Commandments

Some people have trouble with all those 'shall's' and 'shall not's' in the Ten Commandments. Southern Country Folks just aren't used to talking in those terms. So, in middle Tennessee they translated the 'King James' into ' Jackson County ' language.....No Joke (posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Gainesboro , TN ).

(1) Just one God.

(2) Put nothin' before God

(3) Watch yer mouth

(4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin'

(5) Honor yer Ma & Pa

(6) No killin'

(7) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal

(8) Don't take what ain't yers

(9) No tellin' tales or gossipin'

(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff

Now that's plain an' simple.

Y'all have a nice day now, ya hear!

And bless your little heart....

Maxine Strikes Again

Absolutely Brilliant Household Tip

Always keep several Get well cards on the mantle so if unexpected guests arrive, they will think you've been sick and unable to clean.

Gotta Love It

This is so funny!  Thanks to my friend in Mississippi.

Da End is Near

Reverend Boudreaux was the part time pastor of the local Cajun Baptist church and Pastor Thibodaux was the minister of the Covenant SwamptownChurch down the way. They were both standing by the road, pounding a sign into the ground that read:

 "Da End is Near. Turn Yo Sef ' Roun Now Afore

It Be Too Late!"

As a car sped past them, the driver leaned out of his window and yelled, "You stinkin' religious Wackoes!"

From around the curve they heard screeching tires, loud screams, and a huge splash ~ Then silence.

Boudreaux turns to Thibodaux and asks: "Do ya tink maybe da sign should jus say 'bridge out'"?



Ya Tink?

A Fable of Sorts

Have you ever seen a baby porcupine? Me either. These came in the mail today and as usual, I share. Who couldn't love this little dickens?

Fable of the porcupine

It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the

cold. The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided

to group together. This way they covered and protected

themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest

companions even though they gave off heat to each other.

After awhile, they decided to distance themselves one

from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen.

So they had to make a choice:

Either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth. Wisely,

they decided to go back to being together. This way they

learned to live with the little wounds that were caused by the

close relationship with their companion, but the most important part of it, was the heat that came from the others. This way they were able to survive.

Moral of the story:

The best relationship is not the one that brings

together perfect people, but the best is when each individual

learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire

the other person's good qualities.

In Other Words

LEARN TO LOVE THE PRICKS IN YOUR LIFE.


Important Women's Health Issue

Even More Important News Received via Email

Important Women's Health Issue:


* Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

* Do you suffer from shyness?

* Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

* Do you suffer exhaustion from the day to day grind?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Margaritas.

Margaritas are the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Margaritas can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Margaritas almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Margaritas.

Margaritas may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Margaritas. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include:

- Dizziness

- Nausea

- Vomiting

- Incarceration

- Erotic lustfulness

- Loss of motor control

- Loss of clothing

- Loss of money

- Table dancing

- Headache

- Dehydration

- Dry mouth

- And a desire to sing Karaoke

WARNINGS:

* The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

* The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

* The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to think you can sing.

* The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.


Please share this with other women who may need Margaritas