Life in a Bottle...so to speak

Again from the email collection:  A view of life.

Most of us are already on the THIRD bottle.  Yikes!

Stuff Grandad says

Sorry about the language but you know Grandad - never could control him..

From an email -- laugh for the day

Friendship

Got this fabulous email from my husband and he got it from who knows where.  It started my day and it made my day.  Enjoy.

Friendship isn't about those you've known the longest - -

It's about those who came and never left your side.

Have a wonderful day

Good Day

This whole "Burn a Koran" thing has evidently fizzled out.  The pastor who was going to burn that book said that God told him the mosque will be moved.  OK!  Somehow, the conclusion of this mess is as nutty as the beginning and the middle.  No way does it prove that we are caving in to the nonsense of the muslim world.  Note that I did not Capitalize muslim.  I won't give that belief that kind of respect.  The only thing that this incident has done is to prove to the viewing and listening world that this belief system is one with no respect for human life, no civilized behaviors and no redeeming qualities at all.  Now, I guess, I await my beheading or flogging or stoning since that is what these people, yes, I said these people, think is the right way to deal with dissent.

I am so done with this TOLERANCE issue.

I say good day.

Kinda Fun

Some words of wisdom from another email - from a dear friend......

Bumper sticker of the year:
'If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier'

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky dunk.'

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
A completely brillant question!!!!!!!

Wouldn't you know it....Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?
Another completely brilliant question

!!!!

How to Lick a Bowl

My cousin sent me this email on how to lick a bowl.  I thought we could all use a few pointers and a smile.

Until one has loved an animal, part of their soul remains unawakened.

Another Stimulus

(updated 9/30/10 -forgot to attribute this gem to another email )

Sometime  this year, we taxpayers will again receive  another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.

This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:

Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?

A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q.. Where will the government get this money?

A.  From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?

A. Only a smidgen of it.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?

A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka ..
* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China ..
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala ...
* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea ..
* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan ..
* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and  they will hide it offshore. 

Instead, keep the money in America by:

 1) Spending it at yard sales, or
 2) Going to ball games, or
 3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
 4) Beer or
 5) Tattoos

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.)

Conclusion:

Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day !

No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.

Ain't this the truth?

Sent via email by a dear friend.

LADIES YEARLY EXAM

I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. The nurse starts with certain basics...

How much do you weigh?' she asks.

'135,' I say.

The nurse put me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 180.

The nurse asks, 'Your height?'
'5 foot 4,' I say.

The nurse checked and saw that I only measure 5' 2'.

She then took my blood pr essure and told me it is very high.

'Of course it's high!' I scream, 'When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I'm short and fat!'

She put me on Prozac.. What a BIOTCH..

Little Known Info

Some Little Known Information which arrived today in an email from my cousin.

Manure : In the 16th and 17th centuries before the invention of commercial fertilizers, everything had to be transported by ship, so large shipments of manure were quite common.

It was shipped dry because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, not only did it become heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by-product is methane gas (of course). As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen: methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!

Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening.

After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the instruction “stow high in transit” on them, which meant the sailors had to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.  Thus evolved the term “S.H.I.T” (Stow High In Transit) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.

You probably did not know the true history of this word.

Neither did I.

I always thought it was a golf term.

Miracle Ear is in our future

Three old guys are out walking.

First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'

Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'

Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'

 


I think I know them.

I Could Write a Book

Went to this website and pasted some text and what do I discover?

I write like
Mark Twain

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Hot and Heavy

Just a quick update -  the doggie girl is fine and dandy.  Several hundreds of dollars later, x-rays and such we are glad to hear that nothing untoward is causing the stomach upset.  Maybe a change of food will take care of the situation and a change in the weather to less hot and humid.  It's really too hot to type.  It started to rain so I'm hoping for a cool down and a dry breeze.  Well I can hope can't I?

I'll be back when that happens or when we put in an air conditioner.

Doggie Woes of Sorts

Our puppy girl has had another bout of the up chucks.  I think it's the heat and humidity and hubby, of course, thinks the worst.  Until her appointment next week, she is on chicken and rice and teensy tiny bits of her own food.  She loves it.  It constipates her.  The rice, I'm sure.  I understand that.  Hubby thinks the worst is even worser.  I found this on some blog somewhere while searching for what could be making the girl vomit.  I found it so funny that I sent it via email to the hubster.  He did not find it so amusing.  I think you might though.  Here it is:

The four types of dog vomit


YELLOW URKA-GURKA

Dog runs around the house and hides under furniture while making a prolonged ‘uuuuurka-guuuuurka, uuurka-guurka’ noise. (This noise is the only thing guaranteed to wake up a true dog lover who is hung over from a post dog-show celebration at 3:30 a.m.) After mad scrambling to capture the dog and drag him outside, the episode ends with an inaudible ten yard slimy yellow froth from the living room rug to the back door.

BLAP DISEASE

Dog exercises hard and (a) eats large mouthfuls of snow (winter Blap Disease) or (b) drinks a bucket of water (Summer Blap Disease). Within two minutes of returning inside, the dog spews out large amounts of clear slimy liquid while making a distinctive ‘blap’ sound and a sharp percussive noise as it hits the linoleum.

GARKS

Dog suddenly clears his throat with loud and dramatic ‘gggaark, gggark’ noises generally followed by prolonged ‘iiiksss’ and then loud satisfied smacking noises. There is nothing on the rug. Don’t investigate, you don’t want to know.

RALFS

Apropos of nothing, the dog strolls into the dining room and waits till the innocent dinner guests are all watching him. Then, with a single deep gut wrenching ‘raaaalff’ dislodges the entire weeks’ contents of his stomach on the dining room rug.

Variation: Then he eats it.

In all the above events the dog is entirely healthy and indeed deeply pleased with himself.

Summer Season

Summer is here for sure.  The houses between here and the beach are filling up.  The renters are here.  The kids are playing in the streets.  Flags are waving and birds are singing and it sure is beautiful.

Here's the morning walk but now there are more flags.

Here's the beach at the end of that walk.   This is at high tide and now there are people on the beach.

Around here the seasons are not only about weather.  The numbers of people here change with the seasons.

A Day of God's Blessings

Well. I think God is hearing me and smiting them one at a time. Good bye Helen. About time I say.

So, I'll take it. Strip them of their masks bit by bit and sooner or later they'll all be standing there like the emperor stitch starch nekkid. That's ok. Not boils or frogs but it works.

More good news. Today, I went for my walk later than usual and what did I see? This

Yes indeed. The Bluebird of Happiness. That was my father's favorite song by the way. Well, maybe not the most favorite but a favorite. He could pick that out on the piano with two or three fingers.

Be like I, hold your head up high,
Till you find a bluebird of happiness.
You will find greater peace of mind
Knowing there's a bluebird of happiness.
And when he sings to you,
Though you're deep in blue,
You will see a ray of light creep through,
And so remember this, life is no abyss,
Somewhere there's a bluebird of happiness.

Then, what to my wondering eyes doth appear?

Man, God is always with us isn't He? What a wonderful day this has been. Hope all of you had the same good stuff going on. We are so Blessed.

A Plague upon Them

Wow.  It's been a long time since I've been here.  Wish I had tons of things to regale you with that caused my hiatus but, sad to say, it ain't so.  Life has just bubbled along and I have been like flotsam and jetsum bobbing and bubbling along with the current.  Graduation party here, shower there, vomiting dog here, trip to the vet, chicken and rice for her (better dinner than ours in most cases), laundry, water the lawn, sit and read and talk on the phone.  There it is.  My life.

I have omitted the countless outbursts of rage against our current administration and the main stream propaganda arm of theirs.  I have ranted about the nonsense that is being thrown at Israel and have prayed fervently for God to step in and smite someone...rain down those hot coals Sir, show Iran who the real boss is............................please, please please.  Sigh...

I know He is in charge and since I read the end of the Book, I know we'll be okay but seriously folks, don't you want just a couple of the old plagues to hit that fool in Iran?  Don't you want that UN crew to have boils and frogs and such?  Maybe the big O could have a small jolt of pain whenever he tells a lie.  One that would make him say "Youch"  and jump a little.  Something!  Just something!

Well, maybe you'll be all righteous and say "We just pray for their well being and leave all the rest to God".  Me?  I'm for the smiting and plaguing. 

The More Things change - The More They Stay the Same

When I was in college I wrote a paper for some class where I used the technique of anthropomorphism. I argued against foreign aid by setting up the United States and the foreign aid recipient country as if the USA were the parent and the recipient country the child. I had just completed a psych course and this Social Studies course seemed the ideal guinea pig for my sophomoric theories. Well, I posed all of the good parenting skills that we had just learned and tried to answer the seemingly never answered question, “Why, oh why, do they hate us?”. I said that when we treat these countries like idiot children without the skills and abilities to care for themselves, when we mindlessly shower gifts upon them that are useless, unearned and truly undeserved, when we patronize them and pat them on the heads and then say go away and let the grown ups talk…..sure, they hate us and then show their contempt by accepting any and every good thing we give them and rub our noses in whatever the gifts should have been by breaking them throwing them away etc etc. Well, we had just learned that spoiling the child thing and the lack of respect the child develops for the parent. I was told that I was foolishly simplistic. The complexities of foreign diplomacy could not be reduced to simple one on one human interaction. “Why?” I asked. “It seems to me that everything has to be reduced to that since the whole process boils down to one person interacting with another.” “Run along and grow up " I was told.

I wrote that quite some time ago....things have not changed have they?  I wrote that paper in 1962.  More than 40 years later the elitists are still trying to complicate the simplest of things aren't they?  Maybe I just haven't grown up yet.  In my opinion this concept can be brought in to our domestic policy of welfare...can it not?

Ta-Da! Pictures Have Popped.

Finally, the pictures have been pried out of that nifty little camera....well, now, that was easy!!  Not for me.  My husband the computer GENIUS (and he is) finally sat down and made it work.  He is a self employed computer consultant and you know how that shoemaker's kids saying goes?  yes.  they had no shoes.  Same with the computer genius' spouse.  Oh what the hey...it all comes together event-u-walleee. 

Now...here is a taste of the Nantucket Daffodils Weekend old car parade and dog show.  Fun!

How fun is that?  Lots.  Oh, by the way, I have sixty bazillion pictures to dazzle you with.  Brace yourselves.

Happy Mothers' Day

Eleven years ago today my mother passed away.  My neice always remembers Nana's birthday and anniversary date of her passing and when she calls me she will always say, "and Nana said we wouldn't remember her when she was gone."  My mother did say that.  I almost believe that she willed herself to pass on Mother's Day so that we wouldn't forget, ever. 

One of her favorite stories was "The Little Match Girl".  She loved the drama and tragic ending and the tears.  Just a small glimpse into her Cinderella fantasy world.  She would tell us that when she was a girl they would wear carnations to church on Mothers' Day.  A pink carnation meant that your mother was alive and a white carnation meant that your mother was dead.  She told us that she always felt sorry for those in church wearing white carnations.  Well we would naturally say that we were so glad our carnations would be pink and then she would be pleased.

Here are my flowers today Mom and I wish they could be pink.  I'll bet that Mom is pleased.  Love you Mother.

The View

Happy Spring.. The view from my window....ok so this is last year but the view today is the same except for the for sale sign.  That house has sold and we will have new neighbors.  A young couple with a six year old.  This will be their summer home.  It's a very nice house.  Obviously in a very nice neighborhood.  Seems that for some the economy is not too bad.   For that we are grateful.